53 5

How off putting is it to learn someone has kids?
I've never liked the term "baggage". We are mostly talking about amazing little human beings here. You would be lucky to meet them! Or someone's history in general that still has consequences for them. And the older you get, the harder it will be to find someone without any "baggage". Unless they haven't lived! I would be more concerned about that than about someone with a complicated background. Thoughts?

Poll: Would you date someone with kids?

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By Lcunni
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53 comments

8

Well, I did. And I married her.
Her two kids (and now one grandson) provide great entertainment. I pretty much think of them as 'ours'. Unless they screw up... then they revert to 'hers'.

bigpawbullets Level 8 May 16, 2018
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8

Baggage is a mean term. However, as a single guy and I'm not opposed to it, entering into a commitment with someone with kids, their kids come first and you a distant second. Plus you have to adopt their lifestyle for the sake of the kids. Though their kids are probably great, its a lot to ask of someone.

Tyrel77 Level 4 May 16, 2018
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8

I would not date anyone with kids that were not grown. Personal reasons.

NothinnXpreVails Level 8 May 16, 2018
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7

Very off putting. I don't want kids, and I don't want to help someone raise their kids. You can call me selfish, picky, inconsiderate, asshole, or whatever; but it's my life. I'll choose to live it the way I want.

Don't get me wrong though. Kids can be cool and funny, but they can also be little destructive monsters. I work with kids (and their parents), so I don't want to have to come home to more kids.

joeymf86 Level 7 May 16, 2018
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@WizardBill You must be new to the internet. lol jk. It happens though.

Cool ... You are an honest asshole ... We are all selfish, but many pretend to be cool ... Especially in the initial phase of a relationship. Thank you for being honest.

6

I chose not to date when my daughter was young so that she would always be my first concern. I've seen too many kids suffer when their parents put their own emotional needs first.

pixiedust Level 8 May 16, 2018
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5

I'm child free by choice to the point I've had a vasectomy; I wouldn't connect myself with someone that has kids

WhatsInAName Level 6 May 16, 2018
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Bravo for being responsible like that!!!

@SkotlandSkye thank you, I've had a surprisingly high level of "how dare you be so selfish" type responses over the years

@WhatsInAName But ask any breeder why they have kids and 9/10 times they will start with "I WANTED......" Tell me again who is being selfish? LOL

5

It depends on how old and independent the kid(s) are.
Everyone, both men and women, should, IMO, put their children as their first priority.
I refuse to compete with a child for their mothers attention, they deserve it far more than I do.

Mortal Level 7 May 16, 2018
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5

This has to be an "it depends" kind of situation. I don't have kids, and have never wanted them. At the point in life where I am, I'd hope that anyone I was involved with would have grown children.

obviouspseudonym Level 5 May 16, 2018
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5

I haved dated partners with kids. I noticed the more kids women have the less emotionally available they become. One or two alright to well behaved children are manageable. More than that I couldn't do unless I really, really liked the person.

Bignate901 Level 5 May 16, 2018
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4

I dated a girl my age who reminded me constantly that she "had to accept" or "deal with" the fact that I had a kid and a divorce under my belt. She treated it like she got "points" for "being able to do that." Which is insane. You don't get points at all for accepting someone who has kids. Sure, you get points for being great with said kids, but nobody is handing out medals for sacrificing and just dating someone with a kid. Things didn't last long with her.

Adm_Naismith Level 2 May 17, 2018
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4

I grew up religious and thought that flirtation of any kind was a sin until I got to college and became an atheist, so my social skills and whatnot are severley stunted and I’m not even sure how ready I am to date effectively let alone navigate a relationship where I have to think about someones children too.

CharmingGarbage Level 2 May 16, 2018
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4

I'm not the guy most want helping raise their kids.
My thinking seldom fits most familial expectations.
So, there'd be some big questions about having a full on relationship with someone with kids who aren't grown that would hinder any such relationship.
Sum up - probably not.

Slappy_Longarms Level 7 May 16, 2018
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3

If you can't like the offspring of someone that you claim to like - then in my opinion you are just a self-serving A-hole.

Garth-Vader Level 5 May 20, 2018
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3

This is a more complicated question than yes/no/maybe.

How many kids? What age(s)? Is the person divorced or a widow/widower? Do they have serious impulse control or attachment issues? How about debt? Do they actually have a life outside their kids or are they going to expect every date take place with kids in tow?

There's a long history of relationships falling apart after children are born because the couple starts neglecting each other in favor of spending their time/energy on their kids. It shouldn't be surprising that single people wouldn't want to jump directly into exactly that scenario

ghost_warlock Level 7 May 17, 2018
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3

If you love them you love their kids.

rogeralyn Level 7 May 16, 2018
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Dunno about that. I've heard plenty of horror stories from adults and kids.

3

Someone with older kids like mine

ashortbeauty Level 8 May 16, 2018
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3

"Unless you haven't lived."

That sounds a little condescending.

Ellatynemouth Level 8 May 16, 2018
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2

Yes, but I have kids. It does make any sort of a social life much more difficult. If the person you are dating has custody fun with you time and sex time won't be their priority. Its just a fact of having kids around. Of course "baggage" is a disrespectful way to refer to children, but "amazing little human beings who you would be lucky to meet" is greatly romanticizing the situation.

MsAl Level 7 May 16, 2018
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2

when I was single, I found it very difficult to date someone with children. Almost every first date I've had planned with someone who had children was canceled. I understand that their kids come first, but I always felt as though I was somewhere beyond the back burner. The few women I did date with children, I was so far away from being a priority in their lives that I started refusing to date anyone with kids. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, and I just don't understand where they're coming from.

ScubaWags Level 6 May 16, 2018
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2

Children under 18 has always been and will always be a deal-breaker for me.
I have never lived with children other than my younger sister when we were children.
I don't like them in the house and, from what I hear, they cost a lot of money and suck the life out of you.

SkotlandSkye Level 8 May 16, 2018
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2

I like kids but i couldnt eat a whole one smile001.gif

It certainly wouldnt be a deal breaker but most (not all but most) women around my age have grown up kids - like i do. Women with kids at home are probably more interested in my son than me smile001.gif

JimmyM Level 7 May 16, 2018
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2

I am 53 now. I have grandkids. I am not really wanting to have a relationship with young children anymore. Teens and older are fine. Sorry but Daddy days are done for me.

Michael64 Level 7 May 16, 2018
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2

When I was dating, I never dated anyone who had kids who lived with them.
At this point, anyone I might consider dating would most likely have children
who are grown and out of the house.

KKGator Level 9 May 16, 2018
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2

'Unless they haven't lived?'. I've had a pretty good life being child-free, and I aim to find someone with a similar life. I am not the sort of person who does well around children for any length of time. I'm the stiff, awkward, avoidant type who can't speak their language.

memorylikeasieve Level 7 May 16, 2018
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Just to clarify. When I said "haven't lived" I wasn't refferring to people without kids. What I was trying to say was that baggage can also mean many things. Like debt, a nightmare ex, a painful past, an estranged family member, addiction, health problems...anything that still has consequences for them. It is pretty hard for me to imagine meeting someone who was middle aged and had nothing whatsoever that could be regarded as baggage. I'd even find it questionable. No-one is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all have something to deal with. I'd wonder about a person who seemed to have everything perfect and ask why they have no "baggage" at all. . Have they not had relationships before? Why are they looking for a relationship now? How involved are they with their family? Etc 🙂

2

I have a daughter, cannot really judge smile001.gif

AnuVlad Level 3 May 16, 2018
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