How off putting is it to learn someone has kids?
I've never liked the term "baggage". We are mostly talking about amazing little human beings here. You would be lucky to meet them! Or someone's history in general that still has consequences for them. And the older you get, the harder it will be to find someone without any "baggage". Unless they haven't lived! I would be more concerned about that than about someone with a complicated background. Thoughts?
Poll: Would you date someone with kids?
Baggage is a mean term. However, as a single guy and I'm not opposed to it, entering into a commitment with someone with kids, their kids come first and you a distant second. Plus you have to adopt their lifestyle for the sake of the kids. Though their kids are probably great, its a lot to ask of someone.
Very off putting. I don't want kids, and I don't want to help someone raise their kids. You can call me selfish, picky, inconsiderate, asshole, or whatever; but it's my life. I'll choose to live it the way I want.
Don't get me wrong though. Kids can be cool and funny, but they can also be little destructive monsters. I work with kids (and their parents), so I don't want to have to come home to more kids.
I dated a girl my age who reminded me constantly that she "had to accept" or "deal with" the fact that I had a kid and a divorce under my belt. She treated it like she got "points" for "being able to do that." Which is insane. You don't get points at all for accepting someone who has kids. Sure, you get points for being great with said kids, but nobody is handing out medals for sacrificing and just dating someone with a kid. Things didn't last long with her.
I grew up religious and thought that flirtation of any kind was a sin until I got to college and became an atheist, so my social skills and whatnot are severley stunted and I’m not even sure how ready I am to date effectively let alone navigate a relationship where I have to think about someones children too.
I'm not the guy most want helping raise their kids.
My thinking seldom fits most familial expectations.
So, there'd be some big questions about having a full on relationship with someone with kids who aren't grown that would hinder any such relationship.
Sum up - probably not.
This is a more complicated question than yes/no/maybe.
How many kids? What age(s)? Is the person divorced or a widow/widower? Do they have serious impulse control or attachment issues? How about debt? Do they actually have a life outside their kids or are they going to expect every date take place with kids in tow?
There's a long history of relationships falling apart after children are born because the couple starts neglecting each other in favor of spending their time/energy on their kids. It shouldn't be surprising that single people wouldn't want to jump directly into exactly that scenario
Yes, but I have kids. It does make any sort of a social life much more difficult. If the person you are dating has custody fun with you time and sex time won't be their priority. Its just a fact of having kids around. Of course "baggage" is a disrespectful way to refer to children, but "amazing little human beings who you would be lucky to meet" is greatly romanticizing the situation.
when I was single, I found it very difficult to date someone with children. Almost every first date I've had planned with someone who had children was canceled. I understand that their kids come first, but I always felt as though I was somewhere beyond the back burner. The few women I did date with children, I was so far away from being a priority in their lives that I started refusing to date anyone with kids. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, and I just don't understand where they're coming from.
Children under 18 has always been and will always be a deal-breaker for me.
I have never lived with children other than my younger sister when we were children.
I don't like them in the house and, from what I hear, they cost a lot of money and suck the life out of you.
'Unless they haven't lived?'. I've had a pretty good life being child-free, and I aim to find someone with a similar life. I am not the sort of person who does well around children for any length of time. I'm the stiff, awkward, avoidant type who can't speak their language.