65 6

How off putting is it to learn someone has kids?
I've never liked the term "baggage". We are mostly talking about amazing little human beings here. You would be lucky to meet them! Or someone's history in general that still has consequences for them. And the older you get, the harder it will be to find someone without any "baggage". Unless they haven't lived! I would be more concerned about that than about someone with a complicated background. Thoughts?

Poll: Would you date someone with kids?

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65 comments

8

Baggage is a mean term. However, as a single guy and I'm not opposed to it, entering into a commitment with someone with kids, their kids come first and you a distant second. Plus you have to adopt their lifestyle for the sake of the kids. Though their kids are probably great, its a lot to ask of someone.

Tyrel77 Level 4 May 16, 2018
8

I would not date anyone with kids that were not grown. Personal reasons.

7

Well, I did. And I married her.
Her two kids (and now one grandson) provide great entertainment. I pretty much think of them as 'ours'. Unless they screw up... then they revert to 'hers'.

7

Very off putting. I don't want kids, and I don't want to help someone raise their kids. You can call me selfish, picky, inconsiderate, asshole, or whatever; but it's my life. I'll choose to live it the way I want.

Don't get me wrong though. Kids can be cool and funny, but they can also be little destructive monsters. I work with kids (and their parents), so I don't want to have to come home to more kids.

joeymf86 Level 5 May 16, 2018

@WizardBill You must be new to the internet. lol jk. It happens though.

Cool ... You are an honest asshole ... We are all selfish, but many pretend to be cool ... Especially in the initial phase of a relationship. Thank you for being honest.

6

I chose not to date when my daughter was young so that she would always be my first concern. I've seen too many kids suffer when their parents put their own emotional needs first.

pixiedust Level 7 May 16, 2018
5

I'm child free by choice to the point I've had a vasectomy; I wouldn't connect myself with someone that has kids

Bravo for being responsible like that!!!

@SkotlandSkye thank you, I've had a surprisingly high level of "how dare you be so selfish" type responses over the years

@WhatsInAName But ask any breeder why they have kids and 9/10 times they will start with "I WANTED......" Tell me again who is being selfish? LOL

5

It depends on how old and independent the kid(s) are.
Everyone, both men and women, should, IMO, put their children as their first priority.
I refuse to compete with a child for their mothers attention, they deserve it far more than I do.

Mortal Level 7 May 16, 2018
5

This has to be an "it depends" kind of situation. I don't have kids, and have never wanted them. At the point in life where I am, I'd hope that anyone I was involved with would have grown children.

5

I haved dated partners with kids. I noticed the more kids women have the less emotionally available they become. One or two alright to well behaved children are manageable. More than that I couldn't do unless I really, really liked the person.

Bignate901 Level 4 May 16, 2018
4

Wow. As a 42 year old with a 5yo, I find these comments disheartening. Just because I waited until later for the right time to start my family, shouldn't mean I'm undateable. 😐

Why? Some people don’t mind, some people do mind.

Why? Some people don’t mind, some people do mind.

Some folks say they don't want to date someone with kids as a way of saying they don't want to make the effort.

Well... There are people who really think that kids is a ballast. They live their life for fun enjoy it and at the end their will gives all they lived for to favourite dog or cat😀. Everyone choose for himself. I love my 2 troublemaker more than anybody or anything in this world. Does it mean I will not be able to love someone else again? I don't think so😀. Will her having a kids stop me if she is right for me? Nope. Will my kids stop her? Probably, but than she is not right for me😁.

No, you are not undatable for the right person....but you don't have the right to feel offended / bad if a gentleman doesn't want to deal with your kid.

@Glenndonn Allow me to ask you the following:

I never had kids because I didn't want them...why should I make an effort to deal with somebody else's?

@DUCHESSA did I ever said you have to? I wanted to leave behind me some thing or ruther someone who will keep on being in this world long after everything I do or write is forgotten. You - not. Personal choise it's a free world. We just don't fit each other.

@Glenndonn No, what you said was "the person doesn't want to make the effort". IAW, you are judging.
To me a guy with kids is a bigger turn off than a believer....and I never date a believer.

@DUCHESSA so don't YOU judge when you say "guy with a kids bigger turn off then believer😁"? I'd go out with ANY girl religious like kids or not, but for long term - like me like my kids😀.

@Glenndonn No, dear, I am not judging but stating a preference. When you say "they don't want to make the effort" you are implying a woman have yo put up with your kids. Bulls...ty, dear, pure BS.

@DUCHESSA darling, I don't need anybody's help with my kids or someone to put up with them. I just not interested in girls who have kids allergies 😁.

@Glenndonn And that's perfectly OK, doll...but you can't say "they don't want to make the effort". See, in the same way you don't need help w/your kids...they don't need kids...and that places you out of their pic. Accept that men / women with kids do not have the same good chances as the childless do.

4

My kids are grown, and I couldn't be in a relationship; you know, a real, serious, long term one(and anything else is just friendship) with someone who had kids at home. This is probably even more true with someone my age who has adult "kids" at home. I don't have the energy or patience for a whole-household relationship.
Now get off my lawn

JustKip Level 6 May 16, 2018
4

I grew up religious and thought that flirtation of any kind was a sin until I got to college and became an atheist, so my social skills and whatnot are severley stunted and I’m not even sure how ready I am to date effectively let alone navigate a relationship where I have to think about someones children too.

4

I'm not the guy most want helping raise their kids.
My thinking seldom fits most familial expectations.
So, there'd be some big questions about having a full on relationship with someone with kids who aren't grown that would hinder any such relationship.
Sum up - probably not.

3

This is a more complicated question than yes/no/maybe.

How many kids? What age(s)? Is the person divorced or a widow/widower? Do they have serious impulse control or attachment issues? How about debt? Do they actually have a life outside their kids or are they going to expect every date take place with kids in tow?

There's a long history of relationships falling apart after children are born because the couple starts neglecting each other in favor of spending their time/energy on their kids. It shouldn't be surprising that single people wouldn't want to jump directly into exactly that scenario

3

I dated a girl my age who reminded me constantly that she "had to accept" or "deal with" the fact that I had a kid and a divorce under my belt. She treated it like she got "points" for "being able to do that." Which is insane. You don't get points at all for accepting someone who has kids. Sure, you get points for being great with said kids, but nobody is handing out medals for sacrificing and just dating someone with a kid. Things didn't last long with her.

Good! I wouldn’t have stayed either! My kids knew we had “our time” and family time. They never pulled the “you’re not my dad!” crap because they knew hubby & I were united in all decisions.

3

Dating a woman with children isn't a problem for me. If the children behave exceptionally bad then it could be a problem.

Shelton Level 7 May 16, 2018
3

If you love them you love their kids.

rogeralyn Level 6 May 16, 2018

Dunno about that. I've heard plenty of horror stories from adults and kids.

3

Someone with older kids like mine

3

"Unless you haven't lived."

That sounds a little condescending.

2

I had two children when I met my husband, ages 8 & 10, who immediately fell in love with him and vice versa. We’ve never had the blended family problems most of my friends spoke of. My kids were starved for the right attention having had an abusive drunk for a father. Seeing a good male role model went a long way. He’s never considered them “baggage”, though I know some men do. I’m very fortunate.

Cherie44 Level 7 May 17, 2018
2

when I was single, I found it very difficult to date someone with children. Almost every first date I've had planned with someone who had children was canceled. I understand that their kids come first, but I always felt as though I was somewhere beyond the back burner. The few women I did date with children, I was so far away from being a priority in their lives that I started refusing to date anyone with kids. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, and I just don't understand where they're coming from.

ScubaWags Level 6 May 16, 2018
2

Children under 18 has always been and will always be a deal-breaker for me.
I have never lived with children other than my younger sister when we were children.
I don't like them in the house and, from what I hear, they cost a lot of money and suck the life out of you.

2

I like kids but i couldnt eat a whole one smile001.gif

It certainly wouldnt be a deal breaker but most (not all but most) women around my age have grown up kids - like i do. Women with kids at home are probably more interested in my son than me smile001.gif

JimmyM Level 7 May 16, 2018
2

My kids are adults except for one who is 11 months from being able to vote. I won’t date men with young kids because I don’t want to go backwards or have to schedule my life around someone else’s parenting plan.

fauxname11 Level 6 May 16, 2018

Agreed. The guy would have to be pretty amazing for me to go through raising kids again

2

I am 53 now. I have grandkids. I am not really wanting to have a relationship with young children anymore. Teens and older are fine. Sorry but Daddy days are done for me.

Michael64 Level 6 May 16, 2018
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