I have never hit my daughter she is now 36. We had a big fight last week and I smacked her on the face a couple of times. Luckily my son was here to break us up. It's killing me that I hit her. But maybe if I spanked her when she was little me and her would have learned something. What ? I still don't know.

I was spanked as a child and distinctly remember thinking that being spanked did nothing to make me want to change my behavior, it just made me mad at my mom. So I vowed never to spank my kids. That being said, my oldest was a bit of a shit as a youngster and did get spanked maybe 4-5 times. Generally it was because I was angry at her and not in control of my emotions. Not necessarily proud of that but it was just one slap of the hand, not 10 or 12 hard smacks.

I was spanked, I spanked. My step sister did not. Our kids ended up being their own hooligans, so I am more supportive (now) of the its not demonstrably better. I think in cases of emergency that an immediate stop and not negotiate needs to be understood, but often what is communicated in the spank is something different than what you mean.

All the scientific literature on this subject suggests that spanking either has no effect (positive or negative), or it has a negative effect. It has never been shown to have a positive effect.

A lot of people still "believe" in corporal punishment, but I don't see the point in clinging to beliefs I have no evidence to support.

I do have (young) children whom I used to spank and do not any longer, and they trust and respect me now in a way they did not previously and still do not with their father, who tends to inflict physical pain if they don't do what he wants them to do. They obey him because they are afraid of what he might do if they do not obey. That is not the kind of relationship I want with my children.

Children are the only people that you're legally allowed to hit without consent in the US, and I think that's all kinds of fucked up.

Horses for courses. I don't like it or do it, but yeah, I think MEASURED physical punishment is acceptable in some situations. A physical deterrent is sometimes effective.

I was arbitrarily and soundly beaten as a child — and it wasn't measured — but I generally feel that it didn't do me much harm. My matriarchal, authoritarian Mum did more damage to me with her psychology than with her hands.

Personally though: I'm not sure if it's down to the early work we put in with her, or because of her nature, or simply because she's a girl, but our child has never even come close to needing physical punishment. She's respectful, kind and (largely) compliant. If we ever raised a hand to her, the shock and distress it would cause would be quite simply appalling, and the guilt and self-loathing I would feel would be even worse... That's not meant as a judgement on the positions of parents who do hit, it's simply our situation and how things would go if that ever came to pass.

I never felt it damaged me much as a child, being beaten, but only since having a kid of my own have I come to resent it a little. Each parent has their own way of dealing with the stress of a misbehaving or uncooperative kid, and a smack around the ears was my Mum's way. I can understand why, even if I don't like it now.

I was never spanked as a child, and my husband was horrifically abused as a child so we made the very easy decision to not ever hit our kids. I never felt there was a need to, and they turned out pretty okay.

Generally speaking NO.
It's WAY more effective if at all possible to reason with your kid, even tho it requires more effort. HItting/spanking is lazy parenting and if you don't want your kid to be honest, that's a good way to teach them not to trust you.
Repressing, "splaining", and minimizing, invalidating their feelings also makes them not trust you, and IMO results in f-d up passive aggressives who are a PITFA to have a relationship with as adults. It sucks the life out of kids, they either become vile automotons or sad perpetually trying to escape their "feels" people, IME.

Now I"m not perfect, I've swatted my kid for safety reasons as a toddler when she ran away from me in a parking lot, but I've always had GREAT luck giving her "this happens, then this, or that" so you have a choice, and if you make the wrong one, might lose xyz thing, privilege etc etc.

No. It teaches kids that violence is a solution. It's often an easy method to gain compliance (as opposed to actually talking). And... I'm a giant human compared to my 8 year old daughter. Completely unfair and unacceptable. Not to say that I haven't been tempted when I was really angry and frustrated. But I'm committed to not hitting as a form of discipline.

My wife and I have two children - the first-born - my daughter - I never had to spank or swat or anything else. My son on the other hand, before the age of reasoning was about to do something dangerous and I knew that trying to explain why he shouldn't wasn't going to be productive so I tapped his hand with my mine. That's all it took - he never attempted it again and then after he reached the age of self awareness and the ability to reason - I simply explained why the behavior was inappropriate of unproductive. In fact, today my kids laugh (they're both in their mid twenties) saying that rather than the lectures I gave they would have preferred that I spanked them and got it over with lol.

I do have to say this - one of the reasons parents feel the need to spank is that they failed to plan and so when their child crosses an invisible boundary that they didn't know existed - the parents have a knee-jerk reaction. I didn't do this with my kids - after my daughter was born my wife and I sat down and spelled out the boundaries in terms of what we expected when it came to their education, sleeping over a friend's house, dating and so on. I found that once kids know the boundaries that they tend to stay within the boundaries because that means quite a lot of freedom to do the things they want to do. I never once felt the need to check-up on my kids and they knew that there was a 2-hour leeway when it came to the curfew before I called the national guard. My daughter was typically an hour late - my son was typically early and so it was all good.

I also provided escape routes - for example, I didn't require A's or B's but I also wouldn't accept C's unless it was an excused C. And this was easy to obtain - all they had to do was ask us for help or stay after school for extra tutoring. If they did either one and still struggled, it was an excused C and they didn't suffer a consequence like being grounded on a Friday evening.

I've just never seen the need to hit a child. If it gets to that point, it means you have just lost a battle of mind and will to a child and it is time to step your game up. I personally have encouraged my son to challenge my reasoning for making him do something, or not letting him do something else. If he can ligitimatly tell me a better reason to do it his way, than the reason I have to do it my way, I will concede. It makes him think about things analytically and he respects my decision more than if I told him "Because I said so," or gave in to a foolish demand. Part of our job is to make them be able to think rationally and objectively for themselves, so they can eventually make it on their own. It is pretty rare when my son wins a debate, but I am proud of him when he does and I become a more knowledgeable father in the process.

No, it's never okay. One time I grabbed my son's arm when he rushed into the street at two. I freaked out. But I never hit him. We talked a LOT. Sometimes way more than was necessary probably. LOL but his fiance is crazy about him and so is the family he's marrying into.
What kind of authority hits someone they care about? Is that authority you'd have respect for? Not me. There's a lot better ways of role-modeling the behavior you want.

I would never hit a child, but it's not my prerogative to say how everyone else should behave.

Yes, your kid runs into the street and doesn't get hurt. They'll do it again because you were wrong. Your kid runs into the street and doesn't get hit but you spank... Result- running into the street hurts. Actions have consequences and its best that the parent provides rather than getting hit by a car or electricuted when sticking objects into outlets.

I never had kids myself.

My sister however, managed to raise two boys on her own, without ever hitting them. When she needed to she just explained why what they did was wrong and all the consequences of their actions, and they straightened out.

I have a brother who my father beat a lot for doing wrong. he became a drug addict and alcholic (despite being Mormon), always spent more than he made, and my parents had to help him financially as an adult many many times. Of course now he is a Republican who says he is totally self sufficient and he doesn't want any of his taxes going to help others out. He lives in Kansas....by choice.

As a single dad who raised 2 girls, I never had to hit/spank them my kids, but surely would have if need be. I am the youngest of 8 kids. I was spanked from time to time, as were my siblings. It's not abuse, it's discipline. My thoughts and feelings are that smacking or spanking should be a last resort, but when needed.......ABSOLUTELY !!!! Reason can only get you so far. Discipline should be left to the parents judgement, not the courts.

I don't believe it's ever OK to hit a kid. I raised my son by myself, and couldn't even think of any reason I'd ever want to hit him.

I think it enforces the concept that the person with the most physical power wins.

I chose to model what treating people with kindness and respect looks like.

Of Course not

I am not advocating violence. Both my kids, one boy, one girl were smack as kids but only for disipline. Today they both thank me for their upbringing. Not one of them is a violent person. It is not a case of "should you" but "how you" ?

No. I was abused by my parents. Never hit my girls.