Agree with a lot that's been said.
Don't hit. Don't put up with getting hit. Most males are physically stronger, at least in their upper bodies. Deflect, hold, neutralize attacker as needed and get the hell away.
Martial arts, while horse archery is considered a martial art, I have little experience in hand to hand, just a little defense training. I would say if you are evenly matched, fair is fair. Sounds like you aren't evenly matched so no need to hurt someone when you can win handily with defensive moves and a non injuous show of strength.

None of the women I have known wanted to hit me. They have tended to kiss and hug me.

I just has to hit your core that inside the ring is different than outside. You're insulting the women you spar with. Just as you be insulting a woman outside by hitting her. Compartmentalize

If a woman hits you, press assault charges in real life. Just like a man.

When the boys in therapy sessions say something about not hitting ' girls', my response is always "don't hit anyone".

I deliberately blaspheme.. Once I did it in the company of a friend, who looked shocked and anxious. Such is the influence of religion.

Needless to say; there were no bolts of lightning.

My granddaughter is a beast at jujitsu. she is 10. her 8 year old brother is just a beast, period. but he refuses to spar with a girl- he is afraid that he will them. I think these ideas are ingrained in boys. never hit a girl. I have mixed feelings about this.

I always thought that was a good one, using the lord's name in vain. But you must understand I'm an atheist and I don't believe in the spaghetti monster so that doesn't apply to me, just to you.

There is a difference From Domestic situations & Sport.You never hit a Woman, if you can restrain,then get the hell away.

I'll be the first to admit, I know fuckall about martial arts, and DOJO "etiquette".

That said, you do you. You have your reasons for how you conduct yourself.
I don't think it's fair to judge you for your personal code.
I admire that you stick to it.

My brother... sparing teaches. They have to counter move your attack. Use your best moves to teach them what to expect. I taught my son untill he started showing me up. I did my job.

Look at them as people, not just "women". Stop treating them differently because they have no Y chromosome.

It's simple. You already know what to do. Do it.

If they are wanting to learn to seriously fight you are short changing them. THey have to learn to fight through pain or the shock of a blow. You are subtracting that from the experience by not responding by the same rules you would use with a man. Maybe a woman will get a bad surprise because of that. I have never tried to learn to fight but when I have been head butted by an animal and felt my nose crunch it makes me wonder how a guy can move past that

Conditioning is hard to beat.
I'll guess that if you were actually attacked it wouldn't matter by who.
. Try this - if you are instructing, you disservice your student as well as yourself by holding back a learning lesson. Gender shouldn't matter.