Lately a friend of mine turned me on to affirmations. So I've been doing my own:

• My inner voice guides me in every moment (One voice wants to eat pizza—another voice says I should have a salad instead—still another voice is telling me to get my hand off his ass—oh wait, that’s not an INNER voice).
• I am my own best friend and cheerleader, who doesn’t kiss on the first date, insists that I open the car door for myself, is saving myself for marriage, always wants to “talk” when I’m watching T.V., and is secretly dating the entire basketball team.
• My body is simply a projection of my beliefs about myself; about flatulence, gaseous emissions, how far a stomach should distend over the belt, how many weird orifices should have hair growing out of them, and the best time in public to start drooling uncontrollably.