I asked this same question of atheists when my granny was dying and then when my mother was dying. They told me to listen to that speech about you will want a physicist to speak at your funeral. And they told me their energy will always be with me and that my brain was changed due to experiences with them. So the folds in my brain that they caused will remain with me so physically they will always be with me in that way. Those things made me feel better though losing my mother was not difficult for me. Losing my granny was hard though. :/

My mother was also an atheist. She lived her life with courage and passion because she did not believe in an afterlife. She believed that we were our own "gods" and had the power to create a happy and decent life for ourselves with whatever we were given, whatever we chose to do , whatever time we had in this existence. When she was dying, just knowing that this was a final closure simplified things between us. There was no anxiety over seeing each other again...of where she would go...it truly felt like we were reading the last pages of a book together and then it would be done...forever in my memory, passed from her to me. I grieved for my loss, but not for her ending a wonderful life by returning to the dust from whence she came. There is comfort in knowing that there actually is an end. It makes you truly live as you must now. It doesn't matter what you believe...you will still grieve and the pain will seem unbearable...time will lessen the pain, but it will never go away nor should you want that. Honor her by living your life.

I am sorry for your mother and the turmoil you feel. We should pride ourselves that we share with every living thing on this earth the gift of death. Death makes sure that our influence on the next generation is finite. That evolution can proceed. That ideas and human sociological interaction remains the fabric of our humanity and keeps progressing. We grieve for the ones we lost but it is such a short moment when compared to the lifetime they imparted on our own life. Take the time to grieve when the time comes but promise yourself to be grateful and keep alive the unique memories she has imparted to you.

I've had some significant losses over the years, and it's painful. But I know that some day I will be right there... "nowhere" with them, and that brings a very weird sense of comfort.

But after my brother-in-law was killed last year, someone gave me a book that has given me some powerful tools to deal with grief... No god needed.
That book is called, It's Okay that You're not Okay!
[amazon.com]

I do believe death is a gradual thing as it takes time for the energy force to leave the body. It has been shown that the process takes time so it is important to be with the person several hours after the scientific death. Speak to the person as their consciousness leaves last after the heart stops and blood stops. Too often the body is whisked away and the living loved one does not have time to grieve and console the dying person.

I was very religious and lived in a very strict and conservative monastery in France. I am now an atheist. I believe now nothing really "dies" as energy only shifts. What that really means or how, I do not profess to know. I believe that what is called a soul has been verified by science to be an actual, verifiable and tested force in us. A body actually weighs less after death occurs. So where does that energy and consciousness go? Who knows, a poet once wrote "one short sleep past and we wake eternally and death shall be no more, death thou shalt die". He of course was thinking about traditional heaven or hell but I believe we do not die but live on in another form of energy. Just like electricity was not known or how it worked but is now used and understood one day we will understand death.

I grieve for a long time.

I cannot thank you enough, when I am in grief I will read your comments over and over. They have real and practical wisdom. Love you all for the time and thoughts you have given me.

It is an illusion that religious people take comfort in an afterlife -- it is something that is said, not something that is felt. The pain of loss remains with one for months or years. Belief systems do not lessen time of sorrow -- only the individual.

I've not had someone that close pass on but did lose both my grandparents some time ago and an uncle who was like a father when I was young. I'm so sorry for what you and your mother are going through. I can tell you how I tried to frame it for myself. I think it helped me a little back then.

I would consider all the moments of their lives and think that, undoubtedly, the wonderful outweighed the awful for them and I would remind myself that I was, more often than not, part of the wonderful times. And I would remember all the pieces of me, ideas and attitudes, even mannerisms, that I got, at least in part, from them. That these would live on in me and, through me, effect others. That I carried a piece of them with me and that others would carry pieces of me. And I would try to notice these things in myself when they came up and realize, not that the person was gone, but that this idea, attitude, mannerism, whatever, was still alive.
I'm sorry if that sounds like a platitude, but it was my strategy. Although it wasn't someone as close as a parent.

Both of my parents died of lung cancer. While I don't believe in an afterlife, I'm still a product of their union, so parts of them still live through me. I can see parts of both of them when I look in a mirror. Also I'd look for a support group because the grief can be pretty overwhelming to deal with, especially by yourself.

For the loving husbands who have lost their dear wife:

[agnostic.com]

I am sure many here like me are feeling sorry for you right now. Be strong, continue living for her. About your question... I took life as it is, this is not forever. Lost many relatives from grandparents to siblings. Don't know when my father passed. Just be strong. My only fear about death is me losing one of my three children. Only experience I am not prepared for and believe I never be. I don't understand how my mother is that strong. Wish you the best and stay strong.

Take peace in knowing that you are brave enough to deal with facts, and not hiding yourself in fantasy. At worst, death is a return to the state of pre-birth. The accumulated love a person leaves with those still between birth and death is bonus.

I’m so sorry. I’m sure this is a very difficult thing to reconcile. I have no advice and can't begin to know what you are going through but I truly hope you are able to find peace.

My mother died of cancer when I was 18. I did feel she was in a better spot because she endured so much pain in the end. Religious people told me her pain was a teaching moment between her and god. They said she would move into heaven faster because of the experience. I actually found that more troubling than the thought I'd never see her again. Now I am in my 60's and I look back over my life and I find she has been with me throughout my life. She has been remembered fondly. So though she is not with me physically, she has been by my side while all the big parts of my life have occurred. She was there because I put her there. If she was alive she would have fought hard to be there every time. So I didn't really miss her. I find a lot of comfort because of that. I hope this helps for now.

"Familiarity breeds contempt" - Aesop. Animals feel loss. Do they believe in an afterlife? Don't know. Someone in our neighbohood dies just 3 blocks away. Did we care? No. We didn't know. Familiarity makes us view death contemptuously because it took something away from us that we were very familiar with. I watched both of my parents die and strongly believe that there comes a moment when we're ready to go but remain for the sake of others. I've learned to view death as an escape rather than as something bad. It may be hurtful but you should believe that they want you to be strong and move on with life and continue to be who you were meant to be.

Trying to show empathy, although sometimes shared pain doesn't help...

I expect to lose my dad within a year and while my mom is in excellent health she's 76, so she could die before my dad or the shock of losing her soul mate might kill her.

It sucks bc I'm close with both parents, they accepted my rejection of Christianity with extraordinary maturity and love.

IMO we should cherish the time and love shared while also knowing life is transitory.

Not our business, but if there's lingering issues try to resolve it. I don't think anyone regrets saying, "I love you" a million times, but many regret not saying, "I'm sorry".

I'm certain no religion is trie, but I'm not sure what happens when we die. It's plausible our energy becomes something new and the journey continues, but even if there's nothing I'll respect my parents honorable lives and be thankful for them.

My Mother, Sister, and all four of my brothers suffered from prolonged illnesses before they died, I am glad that the are no longer suffering, but I miss them dearly. I remember them by taking the lessons I learned from them and putting them to good use, I felt lost after my Mother died, It was like I truly had no place to go anymore, but as long as I put one foot in front of the other at least I was going somewhere.

There are some beautiful and helpful comments here. I hope you find some comfort in this community. Personally, I believe that our loved ones are always with us. We don't need a heaven or other place to find them because they never really leave us.

When someone you love dies, a part of your heart dies with them,no longer will they be there to tell stories to,do things together,share experiences with,even the simple enjoyment of shopping has lost all it's appeal. Where I live in Missouri,are many eating establishment's,I've not been to any since my wife's death,too many memories.......

I lost my mom just over two years ago and it still hurts. I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away but it really only just recedes.

Make the most of the time you have left with her. Find things that are meaningful reminders of your relationship with her, especially the times she was strong and vital, the times that were good that you shared. Understand that she lives on in your memories, and hold on to those reminders.

And know that you aren't alone in the pain and stress; accept the hugs and support others offer you.

My dear wife died one year and one month from her lung cancer diagnosis,fate would have it,we were told on our 26th wedding anniversary in August 2016, and she was gone on Sept.13,2017,passing away in our home. A slow,gradually decline even with Radiation and later Chemotherapy.

My late husband passed away unexpectedly about 5 years ago.. so I understand how hard it is to find comfort amidst something so sad. But, I do think its possible to take comfort in other things besides an afterlife. In my case, my husband was a real life genius with a twisted sense of humor. So, as strange as it sounds, his autopsy gave me some comfort. It showed major arterial blockages in his brain, which explained a few things I had noticed (leaving the stove on, behavioral changes etc), he was so proud of his intelligence/humor that I knew he would never have wanted to live with the effects of those blockages. His death prevented him from having to live with those indignities. His death was quick and apparently painless, so I found that was comforting. Another thing that comforted me was the fact, that he had a lived a relatively good life, and was loved by me and our son along with many others whose lives he touched. So there is comfort to be found..

Tough issue. We come from the universe, live a while, and return to the universe.