Horribly. Last night I couldn’t get to sleep and when I finally did, I woke myself up calling my son’s name.

For me it's the ripples.
See, I do not know your Mom, until a moment ago I never heard of the woman.
Yet here she is touching me through you.
Her ripple washes over me.
LONG after you are gone, traditions, habits sayings and stories might well have her wash over others as well, along with your ripples.
We are not eternal beings, but the things we do and say create ripples which long outlast us, which affect the very nature of who others turn out to be.
It is fair to say that you would not be the YOU you know, without her input. Her ripples affected you.
And now me, through you.
Even now, with my own mother long gone, her ripple touches me as I empathize with your experience.
Condolences.

My mother was also an atheist. She lived her life with courage and passion because she did not believe in an afterlife. She believed that we were our own "gods" and had the power to create a happy and decent life for ourselves with whatever we were given, whatever we chose to do , whatever time we had in this existence. When she was dying, just knowing that this was a final closure simplified things between us. There was no anxiety over seeing each other again...of where she would go...it truly felt like we were reading the last pages of a book together and then it would be done...forever in my memory, passed from her to me. I grieved for my loss, but not for her ending a wonderful life by returning to the dust from whence she came. There is comfort in knowing that there actually is an end. It makes you truly live as you must now. It doesn't matter what you believe...you will still grieve and the pain will seem unbearable...time will lessen the pain, but it will never go away nor should you want that. Honor her by living your life.

Time. Time to me is like a film reel. we only ever experience what is happening on the screen now and we can only ever move forward. however, this is only our human experience. let me ask you a question. WHERE is yesterday? I remember it. i have a degree of physical evidence for it, but WHERE is it? WHERE did the time go? If i had a spacecraft that travelled faster than light and a telescope tolook back to earth that was powerful enough to see individuals I might see you and your mum yesterday, or me and my mum 18 months ago, before she died. WE ARE STILL THERE. we just arnt experiencing it in the here and now. we can't turn back time, but that doesnt mean that yesterday does not exist. we simply can't go there. I knew my mum for 52 years. I will always be with her and she with me for all of that time, forever, because yesterday is always happening somewhere, its on the reel, my life moves on, but our shared life, each frame is forever playing in the theater of time...

Give your mum a hug.

I feel it's easier to process a death as an atheist. When my mother died, I seemed to have handled it better than my siblings who still mostly had the religious mindset regarding death.

I think it was because I embraced the grief, instead of shunning it. I enjoyed surrounding myself with her things, rather than boxing everything up to send away out of sight. I wrote to everyone on her xmas card list (she died Dec 26th many years ago) to inform her extended circle of friends, individually, that she had died. Many of those people wrote back with their fond memories and other anecdotes. I felt that interacting with my mother's friends and the letter writing was cathartic and therapeutic as I painfully went through the shock and grief, realizing I was now an orphan.

If your mother has any wishes for her funeral/memorial, find out what they are and take comfort in carrying them out. Take the wonderful things about her personality into your heart so that you can carry her common sense or passions or what-have-you with you as you go through life. In this way, she's not gone but living on through you in a special way.

It's hard to think about losing someone as important in your life as your mother, and it will likely be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to endure. Let yourself cry... talk with those who know your mom... as they understand what you're going through.

You have her now, warm and near where you can interact with her, touch her, hug her... and that will be ending. That is the physical part that is so hard. There is a threshold of transition you'll need to cross. Keep her in your thoughts and memories to carry her with you. In this way she may be gone from this physical world, but she is not gone from your heart, if you keep her memory alive, through some sort of legacy. A ritual you do, an activity you perform on certain anniversaries, etc., can be helpful.

Her "afterlife" is within all those who loved her and remember her going forward.

No reason she couldn't be reincarnated, or even move to another dimension.

There are many books of research done on children ages 2-6 who remember past lives, and a few children who led even police to their past life bodies, if they had been murdered, and pointed out their murderers, who confessed.

The details of the children's memories were carefully checked by researchers, and I know also about this by experience, since my sister and I could both remember a past life when we were born.

According to Einstein; all matter is a form of energy, so since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, we have always existed and will always exist in some energy form and quantum physics already tells us different dimensions exist.

"For physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." -Einstein.

“I regard consciousness as fundamental and matter as derivative from consciousness." – Max Planck, theoretical physicist who originated quantum theory, 1918 Nobel Prize in Physics

I've had some significant losses over the years, and it's painful. But I know that some day I will be right there... "nowhere" with them, and that brings a very weird sense of comfort.

But after my brother-in-law was killed last year, someone gave me a book that has given me some powerful tools to deal with grief... No god needed.
That book is called, It's Okay that You're not Okay!
[amazon.com]

I went through this last year with my own mother. I'm sorry you're going through it now. It's not easy and especially if you had a best friend in your mother as I did. I saw my mom go through many years of pain from rheumatoid arthritis, shingles, cancer and a heart attack. I cherished every moment I had with her and made sure to spend time with her, make her laugh. Those are the things that will stay with you. Remember the good, learn from the bad. When she passed I probably appeared to be in shock as I was smiling and happy. I was of course sad for losing her but I was happy she was no longer in pain. She was no longer suffering, and while she was in the hospital we found out she had more cancer. I knew she would not want to live another day having cancer again. She was where she wanted to be. I didn't know the answers and I was okay with that, as long as she was no longer in pain. You will process this in your own way of course and which every way you do, it's going to be okay. It'll be hard but it'll get easier. Try to focus on the positive that you were lucky enough to have her in your life, that you had her for the amount of time you did. It's alright to feel selfish at times and wish she was here. You will go through a roller coaster of emotions. Stay strong hun! Hugs!

I was very religious and lived in a very strict and conservative monastery in France. I am now an atheist. I believe now nothing really "dies" as energy only shifts. What that really means or how, I do not profess to know. I believe that what is called a soul has been verified by science to be an actual, verifiable and tested force in us. A body actually weighs less after death occurs. So where does that energy and consciousness go? Who knows, a poet once wrote "one short sleep past and we wake eternally and death shall be no more, death thou shalt die". He of course was thinking about traditional heaven or hell but I believe we do not die but live on in another form of energy. Just like electricity was not known or how it worked but is now used and understood one day we will understand death.

I'm in a similar situation.

Something which brings me comfort is thinking about how life, death, life, death, life... is a natural cycle and everyone is part of it. It is a universally shared experience.

I also mentally grasp the concept of life in the context of the cosmos. There is no meaning to life, it is an accident. It just is.

And it helps to think of life being the exception rather than the norm and that none of us is exempt.

This may sound crass (and I apologise if it does) but I think of a quote from the children's film 'Tuck Everlasting', which goes:

"Do not fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live."

If someone enjoyed their life; that is something to celebrate, since we are all going to die anyway.

The brutal juxtaposition between being with the person you love and being without them, because of death, is not something which can be intellectualised out of. We have to hurt and we have to grieve because nature made us that way. It's in our DNA.

The silver lining is the lesson death teaches us - that our relationships with the people we love are precious and need to be cherished and nurtured.

I'm sorry if I've not helped, or worse still - if I've offended. I'm a clumsy fool sometimes. I hope you have support from friends and family members. Take care.

My Mother, Sister, and all four of my brothers suffered from prolonged illnesses before they died, I am glad that the are no longer suffering, but I miss them dearly. I remember them by taking the lessons I learned from them and putting them to good use, I felt lost after my Mother died, It was like I truly had no place to go anymore, but as long as I put one foot in front of the other at least I was going somewhere.

My late husband passed away unexpectedly about 5 years ago.. so I understand how hard it is to find comfort amidst something so sad. But, I do think its possible to take comfort in other things besides an afterlife. In my case, my husband was a real life genius with a twisted sense of humor. So, as strange as it sounds, his autopsy gave me some comfort. It showed major arterial blockages in his brain, which explained a few things I had noticed (leaving the stove on, behavioral changes etc), he was so proud of his intelligence/humor that I knew he would never have wanted to live with the effects of those blockages. His death prevented him from having to live with those indignities. His death was quick and apparently painless, so I found that was comforting. Another thing that comforted me was the fact, that he had a lived a relatively good life, and was loved by me and our son along with many others whose lives he touched. So there is comfort to be found..

Trying to show empathy, although sometimes shared pain doesn't help...

I expect to lose my dad within a year and while my mom is in excellent health she's 76, so she could die before my dad or the shock of losing her soul mate might kill her.

It sucks bc I'm close with both parents, they accepted my rejection of Christianity with extraordinary maturity and love.

IMO we should cherish the time and love shared while also knowing life is transitory.

Not our business, but if there's lingering issues try to resolve it. I don't think anyone regrets saying, "I love you" a million times, but many regret not saying, "I'm sorry".

I'm certain no religion is trie, but I'm not sure what happens when we die. It's plausible our energy becomes something new and the journey continues, but even if there's nothing I'll respect my parents honorable lives and be thankful for them.

"Familiarity breeds contempt" - Aesop. Animals feel loss. Do they believe in an afterlife? Don't know. Someone in our neighbohood dies just 3 blocks away. Did we care? No. We didn't know. Familiarity makes us view death contemptuously because it took something away from us that we were very familiar with. I watched both of my parents die and strongly believe that there comes a moment when we're ready to go but remain for the sake of others. I've learned to view death as an escape rather than as something bad. It may be hurtful but you should believe that they want you to be strong and move on with life and continue to be who you were meant to be.

I cannot thank you enough, when I am in grief I will read your comments over and over. They have real and practical wisdom. Love you all for the time and thoughts you have given me.

I grieve for a long time.

I do believe death is a gradual thing as it takes time for the energy force to leave the body. It has been shown that the process takes time so it is important to be with the person several hours after the scientific death. Speak to the person as their consciousness leaves last after the heart stops and blood stops. Too often the body is whisked away and the living loved one does not have time to grieve and console the dying person.

It is an illusion that religious people take comfort in an afterlife -- it is something that is said, not something that is felt. The pain of loss remains with one for months or years. Belief systems do not lessen time of sorrow -- only the individual.

There are some beautiful and helpful comments here. I hope you find some comfort in this community. Personally, I believe that our loved ones are always with us. We don't need a heaven or other place to find them because they never really leave us.

When someone you love dies, a part of your heart dies with them,no longer will they be there to tell stories to,do things together,share experiences with,even the simple enjoyment of shopping has lost all it's appeal. Where I live in Missouri,are many eating establishment's,I've not been to any since my wife's death,too many memories.......

I lost my mom just over two years ago and it still hurts. I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away but it really only just recedes.

Make the most of the time you have left with her. Find things that are meaningful reminders of your relationship with her, especially the times she was strong and vital, the times that were good that you shared. Understand that she lives on in your memories, and hold on to those reminders.

And know that you aren't alone in the pain and stress; accept the hugs and support others offer you.

My dear wife died one year and one month from her lung cancer diagnosis,fate would have it,we were told on our 26th wedding anniversary in August 2016, and she was gone on Sept.13,2017,passing away in our home. A slow,gradually decline even with Radiation and later Chemotherapy.

I am sure many here like me are feeling sorry for you right now. Be strong, continue living for her. About your question... I took life as it is, this is not forever. Lost many relatives from grandparents to siblings. Don't know when my father passed. Just be strong. My only fear about death is me losing one of my three children. Only experience I am not prepared for and believe I never be. I don't understand how my mother is that strong. Wish you the best and stay strong.

Tough issue. We come from the universe, live a while, and return to the universe.

There recent passing of my mother, whom I was very close to, has been difficult. I definitely have not wrapped my head around how to feel or think about it/process it. My condolences for what you are going through. It is not easy. Hugs!