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Here is a question for the ladies on this site. When someone new contacts you to introduce themselves, what gets your interest? Do you check out their profile? What gets you to respond?

I find that I'll either write someone and never hear back at all, or I hear back once, respond again, and then silence. Since this happens more often than not, I'd prefer to think that I am simply saying something that is off-putting, or perhaps just coming across wrong - and I just can't see where. So I thought the best thing I could do would be to just ask - how do you like to be approached when meeting new people?

DerekD 7 June 1
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12 comments

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0

Sometimes you just have to take a chance in love.
Being polite is important. I have manners. Once you have responded to me, yes then I will read your profile. I will always respond unless I am busy, or I have not been aware that you are interested.

2

Inquisitiveness, humor, intelligence... The most intriguing will ask me a question based on a post or my comments to a post, OR make a comment that we share a common opinion, point of view, or experience. I greatly enjoy the back and forth with lots of questions and answers volleyed.

Zster Level 8 June 1, 2018
4

I feel the need to comment on this post.
Of course I look for similarities and common ideas.
Although, I don’t have time to sit and write out lengthy comments on this site or another dating sites. The font is small and it’s not easy to access. So, if I’m interested I will send them my phone number, then during the day I can text them and speak with them when I’m not working.
After a few days of texting and talking on the phone , then I’ll arrange a meeting ..
why not??
We can always be friends… That’s fine with me.
However, I am very turned off by sexist comments, incorrect spelling and grammar, and general bull shit.
Right now I’m talking to a guy that keeps calling me sweetie. I keep telling him my name is Leah.

Leah Level 5 June 1, 2018
3

i like meeting new people but i can be put off if a man starts talking about sex right away, or wanting to meet for drinks before getting to know me a little first. if someone says “I would like to get to know you....what kind of music do you like?”....or something like that...that would be cool. yes i do check profiles...for information like age and if the person likes pets.....you know....similarities.

3

I always, always reply. I can't bear rudeness.

2

I like persistence and interest. I enjoy being asked questions that are appropriate first questions. I hate being asked about my kid,i always assume they're a pedo or something,like,why are you asking about my child like you have any right to even know more than that they exist before like 10 dates?

3

I try to respond to everyone that messages me as long as they haven't said anything crude or mean. Sometimes I get busy and forget or I don't have a good response to the last message.
I forget less often/have more to say to people that I'm having an interesting conversation with. A message asking me a question or telling me something interesting is more enjoyable to reply to than to receive a generic "hey".

Mea Level 7 June 1, 2018

I think it's important to give substance when talking to others. While I may compliment someone on a picture, I was raised to be a gentleman, and don't tell people they are 'hot' or 'sexy', as that seems rude and base to me. I never do a cut and paste - to me that is treating people like we are in a meat market - and that isn't what I'm looking for.

I think that part of what I worry about is coming across as possibly 'too much', just in general. My life is pretty busy, and while I don't think that is exceptional in any way, I do worry that, coupled with having an eternal child, just turns people off. Which is fine, if that is the case. I just don't understand when I just stop hearing from people. And I don't mean 'I heard from you yesterday - why not today?' I totally understand people are busy, and not always online (or may be online, but just don't have time to respond). I'm not talking about those folks at all... we are all grown people with busy lives.

Essentially, I just don't want to come across like a creeper, or arrogant in some way; and that is my fear. That I am somehow turning people off of me and I can't see it. Does that make any sense?

5

When someone new contacts me, one of the first things I do is go look at his profile. If his profile has nothing in it (or even worse, the "I'm not good at this just contact me if interested" ) I usually respond with "Tell me something about yourself". I usually don't hear back from them.

If all they say in their contact letter is "hi", "you're hot", or "you have anymore pics", I delete the email. without responding. I also delete without responding contact emails that say they love my profile without referencing what they love about it.

If the contact email is an obvious form/cut and paste letter, I delete without responding. By obvious cut/paste I mean the letter is so vague that it could have been sent to a thousand women. I need a letter that is unique to me, preferably one that references something in my profile.

I very seldom get anyone that wants to talk past the first couple of emails which is okay with me. My last two relationships were with malignant narcissist, and I'm VERY picky about who I open up to.

4

I'm new here but I'll answer from previous dating sites experience. Many men contact me with one line, often an inappropriate one, well not vulgar or overly suggestive, but somehow they seem to think it will interest me or turn me on if they comment on my attractiveness, or something I perceive as rude or forward. ok, I'm not really conveying much here. I will go with what I would respond to. At least a few lines, but I prefer more, commenting on something I said in my profile, like a common interest. Ask a question, to indicate wanting to get to know me. Offer some information about yourself. Enough to provoke a response, start a conversation, give me some meat to flesh out.

3

I always respond and find it childish to just cut off contact without an explanation. As long as I am treated with respect the conversation will continue even if it only leads to friendship but I think some women just stop talking when they find someone they are interested in being more than friends with. I had one guy cut off contact with me after finding out I smoke which is on my profile so I told him how rude that is and blocked his ass. IF you are saying something that coming across wrong and they do not bother asking what you meant or stating how they feel about it then I think you are better off without them anyway.

3

If I'm chatting with someone that's hundreds of miles away, I would say the key is persistence. I experienced the same thing where I'll have someone contact me and seem interested ,but they're so far away that it doesn't really matter one way or another. I don't know about other women, but I normally fail to keep the ball rolling. The men that have broken through to me have been consistent in contacting me and keeping me interested.

But if you lose interest do you tell them or just ignore them?

@CreativelyMe I've never been in that situation, but if that was the problem I would tell them. For the most part they lose interest in me and I don't hear from them anymore.

@Kojaksmom I think that is rude oof tem.

2

If what they said caught my attention, or didn't bore me to death, I look at age, profile, location then based what I find I try to initiate friendship. Which takes about 3 messages before it turns to "mmm you're really sexy..." and then I'm bored.

It just means they didn't bother to read my profile or any of my comments that "I am not interested in sex"

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