In the past I wanted to take care of people and I did. I pushed my first husband to go back to school,get a degree and have a career, he was making tacks and nails when I met him in college and came from an ivy league family. Same with my second, who was working in a deli for $5/hr, and trying to make it as a rock star. When that fell through helped him start a contracting business. Meanwhile I raised a daughter with cerebral palsy and had a baby at 42. My caretaking went on for years of me taking a mother and her daughter in, taking care of a boyfriend's junkie brother,renting to Section 8 tenants and a Vietnamese college student, etc. It all ended 6 years ago when I was diagnosed with leukemia and had to take care of myself. My daugher and I then removed my terminally ill ex from a nursing home Pays me rent and I have a nurse come in.

Five years later I am in complete remission and living again for myself. No longer take care of others. Looking for a partner to share life.

Experience tells me never to expect anything and I won't be disappointed.. and when something does come along, it's an unexpected surprise!

I found that you can't expect anything in return. It just leads to disappointment
Anything you get in return is a plus.

Occasionally but not to that extent. It’s a tough place to be in.

My experience is the same. I can't count the number of times I've let my dinner go cold or abandoned my routine to offer a listening ear to a 'friend' in need. Over time I've realised this dynamic is very much one-way.

This happens mostly with the men in my life for some reason.

Our culture socialises women to be givers and carers. To nurture, heal, counsel, comfort and soothe. This is how women are trained to be.

Likewise men are not socialised the same way. They learn it's a woman's job; so there's less reciprocation.

It's like a gender service industry. Women have to give of themselves and their humanity because it's expected.

My comment is a generalisation. But if someone doesn't value your feelings, ask yourself why.

I noticed this from a Buzzfeed article about sexism:

8. When the man assumes you are his personal therapist for all of his meltdowns, but he doesn't offer the slightest bit of attention to yours or plays them down with phrases like "It's not a big deal" or "Don't worry, it will be resolved in the end."

As human beings we are different in so many ways. The first lesson we must all learn is EVERYONE has a different movie playing inside their heads even though we see/hear/taste/smell things the same. The second lesson is some people are good at listening, some only want to be heard, and a few match up where they listen as well as they speak. The third lesson we need to remember is that some folks are independent while others are co-dependent. The last thing to keep in mind is that what people say and do is based on that movie playing inside their head...it is important to not take things they say/do personally because it really isn't about you....it's about them and how they view a situation.

Its a deep rabbit hole when you realize that truly no-one can really know you nor can you truly know them. The best we can truly do is try to relate to each other and communicate as clearly as possible. If you haven't read the 4 agreements....It's an epic book. (Be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions, don't take things personal, always do YOUR best)

I don't think I've been in your position... but... take comfort in knowing your "people" feel your love (empowerment) in their lives... another but... introvert or not you, "somehow" you need to let them know you need an " ROI", (return) "share" the wealth.
People who know me find it hard to believe I'm a semi-introvert, go figure... 50 years in sales, from big time corporate to mom n pop shops... industrial, commercial... loved it. I knew my products well, knew how to improve their bottom line... but... still semi-introverted... semi.

First of all, you certainly do have the ability, nay, the right to be choosy about friends. If people are taking advantage of you, they aren't your friends in any case, my opinion.

And yes, I've been down that road. I've dealt with people who treated friends as resources. I told myself I was just being a good guy, but eventually worked out that people take advantage of my nature. I'm more cautious about people now. It's a little less happy go lucky way to live, but that's the cost of experience sometimes.

Umm... Isn't how someone makes you feel part of what makes them attractive? Sure some people are takers, but some are just bad at showing how important you are to them... Which is why communication matters so much!

There is a trap in trading useful for popular, but being reliable and trustworthy are seldom turnoffs!

Ultimately, I don't think people want to be needed, we need to be wanted....

Today I have set boundaries..unlike yesteryear. It's important to have boundaries are you can become cynical down the road...

Well, if your smile is anything like your demeanor, then you have lots of folks lucky to have you in their lives. Just an observation.

Edit: I consider myself to be an empath. I don’t think there are too many people like me. I just have to deal with who I am and it’s not the fault of others if they are not like me.

Yah that self sacrificing crap eventually will bring us down, and people are more than willing to let us do it.

Time to move on to greenier pasture. Find a vocation that allow you to give without expecting return. That will meet your giving need and then you can pass on the opportunity in your social life.

Do you know your Myers-briggs type?

Me too. mostly positive but real and practical always

“I feel as though the people in my life are attracted to me because of how I make them feel.“

I get what you’re saying about being a giver surrounded by takers, but I think most attraction is the result of how another person makes one feel.

Well, I am two steps ahead of you (I think, haven't check your profile). I used to be an introvert as well, and now I am just getting old. I would take people attracted to me any given day regardless !!!!..... that's just me

I’m sort of self sufficient. I really don’t need anyone to assist me, but I’ll stop and help anyone I can. I’ll don’t expect anything in return. If you want to cultivate relationships, then do so. But if you expect to get a return for unsolicited assistance, then you’re going to be waiting for a long time.

Iinteresting, isn't every relationship a series of give and take? What's given and taken varies greatly. what matters is if the terms are acceptable and beneficial to both parties.

Always have. the human selfish gene is well spread.

I feel so self-sufficient that I am very happy to find people who need my assistance although I don't need anything from them.

Sure, I used to be that way. Then one day I decided I'd had enough, and I learned to use a new word. No.

Not "No" with excuses why not, but just "No."

If someone tries to borrow money, I just say I "never" lend money. If they ask me to do something for them, I just say I have other plans. I don't give details, just vague remarks, then act disinterested and walk away.

If asked where I'm going, I mumble something about meeting someone, but I don't engage.
Afterward, I avoid that person. I don't need "takers" in my life.

Shake dem MFers...people can be parasitic...Shake em.

Theoically, the mere act of serving should be a two way street and complete by itself. Many times an smile and a hug can be a good retribution. Now, we live jn a transactional culture where you expect something in return. That is where the suffer begins. We are so inmerse in it that it happens to all of us in some degree.

You may have an uncoordinated view of relationships. Our civilization makes the venues and norms of relationships very clear, a person cannot expect a success rate on some incomplete, capricious means of creating love because people will not go to scenario A with a collection of means B and try to do something for scenario C.

Relationships are also not purely exchanges in the beginning stages because trust has to be built first. Most of the relationship is going through the milestones of attachment, which is going to differ from type to type.

The most common type of person is very rapidly attached to a good looking, moderately educated, conjugal person who is a champion of anything up until impressive work. These people are unimportant, and waste your time. Avoid them.