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Why is it easier to accept someone is gay than it is to accept someone isn't interested in sex?

Not to say it's easy being gay, at all, I have just noticed (openminded) people are less likely to question that than if you say "I don't like sex".

I get told "well you just haven't had good sex" or "you need to be less frigid" or "I can fix that 😉" or "have you thought about therapy?" Or "if you don't have sex then your boyfriend will leave you" or my favorite "how is that possible!?!? Have you ever HAD SEX!?"

It makes me feel broken. Like there is something wrong with me. I've missed out on a lot of really good relationships because people don't want someone who isn't interested in sex. It makes me sad.

LadyAlyxandrea 8 June 3
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40 comments (26 - 40)

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2

Well, I’m not saying there’s something wrong with you, but sex is pleasurable because it’s a biological drive. Just about everyone likes having sex. It feels good. And one of the he principal advantages to being in a romantic relationship is the sex.
So, if you don’t want sex, then, chances are, your not going to have a romantic relationship.

there are others with similar interests

No not "just about everybody" and I'm really sorry that sex is the main reason you emotionally connect with someone.

Being asexual is not the same as being aromantic.

@Dylan
Romance without sex? Wow. Maybe you should transport yourself back to medieval England and insert yourself in Morte D’Arthur. I had thought that pure fiction. Good luck.

@LadyAlyxandrea
That’s not what I said.

@LadyAlyxandrea
The vast majority of the adult population.

A lot of people, both sexual and asexual, will tell you that a candle-lit dinner, or sharing a cuddle and a movie, can be far more romantic than smashing genitals together.

@Dylan
Oh. I’m sure, but it all leads to sex. That’s the point.

@Gatovicolo Yes, those things for many people do lead to sex. But they don't have to. Dinners and cuddles are fun in their own right. That's the point.

@Dylan
That’s called being friends.

@Gatovicolo I don't usually share cuddles or candle-lit dinners with friends.

@Dylan
Really. I seriously doubt that.

@Gatovicolo You sound like a religious person being confronted with an atheist for the first time. lol
"You don't love God? What do you mean, you don't love God?! How can anyone not love God?!"
"You don't love Sex? What do you mean, you don't love Sex?! How can anyone not love Sex?!"

@Dylan
You sound like a cultist when confronted by reality.

2

Well for some sex can be a big part of their lives. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you...The only real question is are you willing to give some compromise for the other person? For example are you willing to be in a relationship where you're still with your partner but your partner is allowed to mess around outside the relationship...It all comes down to compromise in my opinion.

On that I've made a lot of thoughts. I'm willing to have sex some times, later down the road of the relationship. I'm willing to look into treatments for a possible hormone imbalance that might cause no libido.

I'm not opposed to, if nothing really works, my significant other having a sexual relationship elsewhere but that is really hard. I've had my s.o. leave me for their sex buddy and that fucked me up to the point of severe trust issues. They would need to work WITH me and have patience with me and prove to me that I can trust them

2

If you feel broken, or like something is wrong with you - why ? Do you feel like less of a person ? Or that you can't do what you want to do because of your perception ?
If that interferes with your life in ways that cause sadness - then maybe it's something to work on. If it doesn't, and you feel basically ok with yourself, then it could be time to ignore others' comments that they have no right to make in the first place !

But then - if you want a relationship, there will have to be some acceptance of the idea that your non-desire puts you at odds with many potential partners.

What makes me feel broken or wrong is people alwaya telling me or acting like I'm broken or wrong for not enjoying .

@LadyAlyxandrea I heard a great line a while back ... "what other people think of you, is none of your business "
Let it be their problem - F'em !

1

People project how they feel onto you. Many just don't empathize very well and they probably project how they feel or maybe even how you make them feel onto the situation. Being gay is well known to people just because it is more common and it is openly discussed. Starting the conversation is important.

While there's nothing wrong with you and people should let you do you, it is a trait that most people have and most people consider it an important part of a relationship. It is part of our evolution. It is important for reproduction. You will find the one that you want to be with but you might have to go through some people that want you for how you make them feel. Sometimes that will be sexual. Send them along and keep looking.

1

As I have said many times, here in this context we are colorless, etc...the only attribute if anything is gender. Since we do not know each other in the real world and never will, you can be as non interested in sex all you want. It means the same to me. Of course I cannot speak for the persons in your real world.

1

Have you mentioned this to a Doctor,pehaps a hormone or two is low ? Is your sex drive low to non exisitant? Ever desired children?

Never desired kids, sex drive is so low that even the idea of it seems like a chore. Why does it have to be medical? Do you ask gay people these questions? That's why I asked this

@LadyAlyxandrea it could be a symptom of something else that could need treatment.

@memorylikeasieve while there can be an underlying medical cause, that’s not usually the case. Given the stigma and social difficulties around asexuality, people have usually explored this before talking about it in a public forum. These questions often make asexual people feel that they are not being recognized for who they are.

@miffy heeeeeey you get it! Lol thank you.

1

Most people like sex. a lot. They probably like it more than they should. There isn't anything necessarily wrong with someone who doesn't like sex, but it is something that most people haven't (knowingly at least) encountered.

As recent as a year ago I would have labeled myself as asexual. On a scale of 1-10: 1 being completely asexual, 10 being pansexual, I placed myself at about a 4 or 5. Then I met somebody and that changed. I know identify more a demisexual.

0

It reminds me of when I tell people I don’t celebrate xmas because I’m an atheist with political and moral opinions that prevent me from enjoying it. They call me a Scrooge. If I told them it’s because I’m Jewish or Muslim, it wouldn’t bother them and they wouldn’t try to make me feel bad about it.

0

You are not broken. A decent percentage of people are asexual do some degree. Don't feel bad for being different, being honest can help you find people who can relate.

0

By nature humans are sexual creatures. Most wouldn’t understand or comprehend the asexual feelings that you have. Most don't believe something that most natural instinct within the human condition; and don’t accept it. It would be extremely difficult for someone not asexual to be willing to live with your asexual life.

0

I never met anyone who didn’t like sex. Without any personal knowledge of it, I would think it could be corrected with therapy. Gay, of course is a matter of being born that way.and is what it is.

But why can gay people be born gay but asexuals need therapy or medicine? Is that not the exact same as trying to "cure gayness"

Sex is boring.

@LadyAlyxandrea ace people need therapy only as much as gay people do... which is to say, they don’t! I know a lot of people can’t comprehend it, and will push against it, but it's a valid sexuality, and should be respected.

Asexual people only need therapy if they don't want to be asexual. If they are satisfied with their life, and they are not harming others, they don't need therapy.

@DonThiebaut so gay people should try to convert themselves if they don't want to be gay? I just don't see why you can't accept that asexuality is no different than homosexuality and it isn't something that needs fixed

@LadyAlyxandrea If they didn't want to be gay, they should seek therapy, yes. Not to convert themselves, but to arrive at whatever conclusion they need to reconcile an internal conflict. More than likely, they would come to the realization that they can be happy being gay. I didn't say it needs fixed, I said that if someone is conflicted over it, the conflict needs fixed.

0

I reckon I am different to you. I understand lack of interest in sex. Wanting to be what you are not.... that I have to ponder deeper but I don't care or wonder who wants to be gay and who don't want to have sex. It is their lives. And before I am accused of being anti gay... I am a proud father of a lesbian. My children were procreated to be turn over to the world and to life, not mine to keep.

0

If a guy has the hots for you, all it means is that he’s responding to deep instinctive desires which BTW, are good and natural. Anyone can understand, on a mental level, that some people are gay, and if they are empathetic they’ll accept the person as they are.

It’s two separate categories.

It's not though. It is sexual orientation. Sexual preference. They are the exact same category. Some dudes like fucking dudes some dudes like fucking chicks and some dudes like reading a good book by the fireplace and not fucking anything. Same category

0

is second nature and most people can't control it by will. It is manifested by the physiological stimuli at the subconscious level. Lack of sexual desire may point to health issues.

0

My only question here is are thes people with whom you are seeking a relationship? If not, whatever happened to just being friends?

In a relationship context, anything that falls outside someone’s definition of ‘normal’ becomes a problem that needs ‘fixing’. On balance, I thinks it’s easier for people to attribute a problem where there is none rather than accept that they have to change their behaviour.

If someone fancies you and you decline because you’re not interested in , then ding challenge accepted, and they can flirt like they always do, but more earnestly. Also, if they take you at face value, then the chances are they have to give up and move on. So they have nothing to lose.

If a guy fancies you and you pretend to like women, at least he can ‘save face’. Buy should you have to lie?

I think the part must be trying to date without wanting , because it’s all about mutual expectations, and (I’m guessing) most people happy not to have may be happy not to seek out a relationship, but rather to stumble upon one.

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