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How important is sex and sexual compatibility in a relationship for you?

I think this aspect of a relationship is very important and at least for some of us, it is equally hard to find a compatible partner as it is with regard to other aspects. How quickly do you like to find out about it? Would you be interested to know about certain preferences or likes right from the beginning or e.g. in a user's profile on here?

josmi6699 6 Jan 3
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17 comments

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The web is still too impersonal for some matters. Maybe I'm a prude.

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But those details are still going to wait until personal familiarity has developed.

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I think sex is a very important aspect in just about every long term relationship. It isn't a requirement for some people but I think it is for me. At least it has been so far. That doesn't mean it has to be 100% compatible but satisfying at least. Sometimes making your partner happy can be as fulfilling as making yourself 100% satisfied.

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Generally - if there isn't some sort of mutual attraction, I don't see a relationship getting off the ground. And then beyond that, I need to genuinely like the person - or not much else is likely. That said - I would wish to find out more personal aspects of someone face-to-face, not from a profile. And I've found those details have a way of revealing in good time - as people open to one another. Then there's this interesting process - the more I like someone, and they like me, the more likely we are to end up lovers as well. And after that, the time sex becomes truly important is when there isn't any !

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For myself, I would say yes. The lack of good sex, or just sex in general, fueled the end of my marriage. My wife was rarely interested. Having been together for a long time and raising kids together I tried to focus on other aspects of life and the relationship that were more stronger. Now that we are separated and moving toward divorce, I look forward to finding someone that I am more compatible and comfortable with.

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Very important! Relationship starts with that physical/ animal attraction, than the rest falls in the place. Or does not.

Having Picture posted is the first step!

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It's always a plus but, it's not a singular determining factor. Just like having a mate who can cook is a plus but, if they can't, I can. That's not a reason to throw the whole relationship under the bus.

Duke Level 8 Jan 5, 2018
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I think it's essential. Either romantic partners need to have direct compatibility, or they need some consensual allowance for one (or both) to seek out elsewhere whatever's lacking. If there's significant sexual disparity otherwise, I'm afraid it eventually undermines the relationship.

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I would have to say that it is very important to me, the most important part would be to be comfortable with intimacy and to not have a lot of sexual baggage. The only real way to know that you are sexually comparable is to actually have sex, you can talk about it until you are blue in the face but without the act it means nothing. so, putting it in your profile seems to be of little value unless you are into some kind of kink that is not that common.

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Sexual compatibility is VERY important, but I would prefer discussion of details to be kept private.

Why? What is the difference between sharing that I like sports climbing and classical music but not football or formula one on the one hand and sharing that I like oral sex but not anal sex on the other hand?

Private when it comes to my relationship(s). Anyone else can be as open as they wish. I should probably have clarified that.

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True love transcends sexual activity ,Case in point ,if one partner became physically disabled and is unable to perform sexually .If sex is what ties a relationship together ,this is not a healthy relationship in the first place

This is true IME.

I think a romantic relationship/partnership often has a strong sexual component and I don't think it's unusual or unhealthy for it to be an important aspect of the relationship. If one person we're incapable of having sex due to physical disability, and the other is still sexually capable and has a strong sex drive, it would be difficult for the sexually functional partner to accept that the rest of his or her life is to be sexless. That's not to say that many couples don't have more mild sexual needs, but that's compatibility as well.

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I've learned I cannot have a relationship with a man that I'm not physically attracted to. If the sex isn't good, I can't force myself to look past it.
I've tried being "more evolved" and focusing more on the intellectual aspects of a relationship, but it's never worked. If the "spark" isn't there, neither am I.

Interesting. I'm kind of the opposite. I have to like the woman on a personal level before I feel sexually inclined, even if I think she's physically attractive otherwise. The more I like a woman personally, the more physically attractive she becomes to me, too.

@ScienceBiker I try not to generalize when it comes to matters of sex and attraction. Everyone is different. I can only speak for myself. That said, yes, I used to confuse sex and love. I was much younger and hadn't figured out my own motivations for much of what I was doing. At this point in my life, I've come to be far more self-aware. I know what works or me and what doesn't. Most of that knowledge has come through much trial and error. Lots, and LOTS, of error.

@ScienceBiker Agreed on all counts. I think it's possible my initial comment may have been misconstrued by some to mean I'm more focused on the physical aspect of things, which isn't true. My point was that it's ALL got to be there. Additionally, once one part is gone, the rest tend to go as well. Patience, willingness to be sensitive to the needs of a partner, compatibility, etc, have to important to BOTH parties. If one party checks out, the other can't keep it all afloat on their own. It's like being a juggler with 6 balls in the air, and having someone throw a chainsaw into the mix. You might be able to keep it up for a little while, but inevitably, it's a recipe for disaster, and quite possibly, lost appendages.

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It is extremely important. I have attempted relationships where I didn’t have strong physical attraction. It was unfair to both of us. I need to be obsessed with my partner because I don’t want to be one of them boyfriends who are always checking out other women.

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I can only speak for myself... I believe in animal attraction and in scent of a woman. When my marriage went down the drain sex was the last thing to end. But if a number of other things don't go well between me and my partner... sex may be the last thing to go but won't stop the end. Chemistry of mind, body, soul or spirit or conscience will be needed... but don't get me wrong... Nothing more Beautiful than Making Whoopee with a Compatible Being... I Mean Serious WHOOPEE is Going to Happen!!!

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Well we've had surveys on kinkiness, discussed long-distance vs local, and talked about sexual preferences. You can put it in your profile or post a question receiving responses. I agree it would be nice if those parties who are interested in relationships should complete their profiles.

Yes, I agree - part of my motivation for asking this was to get an impression what people would think about being open about sexual attraction in the profile. I have not seen many profiles (none, so far, I think) which do include that though 🙂

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i believe that a healthy sexual relationship is essential for the relationship to be fun and resilient. i think that needs to be a part of the building a relationship effort not a part of the posted profile.

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