Sexual Compatibility - How better to phrase it?
Am I the only one who thinks that the profile question "Is sexual compatibility important to you?" is not asking the right question? I think that the only people to whom sexual compatibility is not important are people that are inexperienced in matters of long term love, or those who are either oblivious or uncaring about the damage that it causes when sexual incompatibility exists. I think that the real question is "Do you have a high, moderate or a low drive?" After all, if both people have the same drive, they will be much happier in the long run. I know that drives can be affected by emotional issues within the relationship, but that exception aside, what are your thoughts?
Addendum:
Relationships are complicated, no matter how you look at them. They are 2 or more people choosing to remain in communication with one another for some purpose. Add into that connection an agreement that the relationship is of a sexual or romantic nature and it gets more complicated. I know that building a happy, healthy relationship requires work, compromise and respect between its members. My question is targeted solely towards a better way of communicating sexual compatibility. When I wrote this question, I wasn't even thinking about compatibility of tastes, and I appreciate the broadening of the issue - because yes, same drive, different pleasures can also make a huge difference in how you relate sexually and the impact it has on a relationship.
That said, my question still remains the same, for those that agree with me that the question could be better phrased: What would be a better question? Obviously, once you start talking to someone and trust them, you will get more specific - but what is a good starter question, for those who choose to answer it?
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58 comments (51 - 58)
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That would be a more useful question.
One of the few things I liked about OK Cupid was the various questions that you could read (if people answered them, anyway) and see if a potential match was into similar things. Assuming they were honest, anyway. And the people who didn't answer any of them... I tended to avoid, because I'm not shy about those questions. Not after the first date anyway.
Hell, I met my first girlfriend at an Xmas party by asking, in a bored moment, "So.... you into leather?" By the end of the party we were necking on the sofa. So, yeah, not shy about those questions.
Paul4747
Level 8
July 24, 2018
0
After two marriages, I don't know what I value more, friendship without sex, or sex without friendship. I don't believe I'm long term relation material, based on the history. I guess the things that are important to me in life are often not shared, and that's alright. But it does mean that I'm not going to invest in love anymore, or even believe in it, but I will and do in friendship. Compatible friends. I can care less if we are sexually compatible. I rather have a long term friend, with or without a sexual relationship. I can live to be a 100 without ever having sex again and still have a good life. I would not make this without people in my life whom I care about, that I enjoy connecting to and hang out with.
Raymond1972
Level 4
July 26, 2018
2
Why not find out by trial and error? Don't make babies and don't spread disease, of course. For everything else, there are sensiblle solutions.
Spinliesel
Level 9
July 29, 2018
4
You have to understand methods of thinking for this. Imagine a woman naked and drunk high on a balcony and a man sees her. Immediately he calls his friends over and says "look at this." They all smile and are happy.
Now switch that scene and it is a naked man drunk high on the balcony. The woman that called the police told them "it was just awful and I could hardly look." She was in tears as she talked to them.
Apply this to sexual compatibility.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Aug 10, 2018
1
I like the suggestion below. Is sex and sexuality an important issue for you? Answers: Often, Sometimes or Never.
Barnie2years
Level 8
Aug 11, 2018
0
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