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I think we couple as a cultural habit that insists on it because of paternity assurance and heredity laws. If you want a child, prepare your life so that you can support it because fathers are absolutely no guarantee to be helpful and most often use child custody battles as punishment because the cow lescaped the barn. It's not worth any of that, chances are that you will wind up raising your child alone anyway. This has been the trend in Europe. Can the US ever have that kind of family peace if we stop treating women like barn yard breeders?

By BrigittaCuadros6
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As the only person on this post who is qualified to comment on barnyard breeders I feel compelled to respond.
The idea of wives as chattel is very much an idea based in religion not paternity assurance or heredity laws. So called heathen societies often shared their wives and heredity was based on who raised the child not who fathered it. Of course in these so called primitive cultures food and other resources were shared as was the care and upbringing of children, the statement it takes a village to raise a child was actually true. We would likely be for better off if we took a couple of steps back in that direction, rather than confining so, many children into poverty while being raised by an under paid single mother.

I totally agree. But inheritance laws were based on paternity in most cultures and still are in some. [patheos.com]

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Brigitta, sorry, I'm losing you on this one; I don't know what you are trying to say. Married once, and at my age, I will never marry again. But two people who are not 'bound together', by marriage, and are free to live a decent life because they want to, I feel are much happier.

Diogenes Level 7 Jan 8, 2018

Maybe you missed my point. I have been married once too (50 years ago) and have lived happily ever after all by myself, with occasional partners who have remained wonderful long term friends - some with 'benefits'. I raised to kids without support, one has her PhD the other, unfortunately died recently.

@BrigittaCuadros I'm so sorry for your loss. There's nothing worse than losing a child.

@BrigittaCuadros Sorry to hear that.

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There is no reason for marriage except raising children.

Exactly - but only because of the way our culture is structured. More kids today come from divorced families than there are kids with fathers remaining in the marriages. Women rather risk being divorced that expose their kids and themselves to abuse.

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Unfortunately, there are a lot of dumb people everywhere that try and trap their lover in the relationship by getting pregnant like not using birth control and etc without telling him or poking a hole in the condom, etc. And that's only a small percentage. There are people who don't need to become parent's who become parent's because they don't believe in abortion, but they still take care of their child but end up neglecting and resenting that child because it interferes with their life. In the U.S, I would say a majority of the people are having kids because they don't believe in abortion or their family doesn't and are pressured into having a kid they are not ready for or have no business having a kid when they're not ready because it leads to a lot of neglect. I know this experience personally because my health was put at risk in the womb so my mother could do drugs and when I came she didn't know how to make me stop crying so she shook me. I think we need to educate young women and men better so they realize exactly how big of a deal and how life-changing a child is. They claim to know but a lot of them do not actually know. So, if they still end up pregnant we should help prepare them for motherhood and hit them with reality as hard as we can and keep on their ass to be a good parent and not neglectful. Remind them that baby comes first before their selfish needs. But that is just my perspective.

I am so sorry your mother shook you. ...theocracy is nationalizing your ovaries and uterus. ...fight back for Feminism over rapist rights to impregnated crime victims. ...both popes belong in prison for covering up evidence of rapist priests. ....more women are teaching younger "sisters" to social economic justice RIGHTS. ...stay strong and heal

How about a lot of women choosing to have kids because they have faith in their partner being a good husband and father? Too often men make promises to women based on who they aspire to be, rather than who they actually are.

@BrigittaCuadros That's a whole different thing. At the point we should still help prepare them to become strong single moms with a group of support behind her! I hate people who make large scale promises that they can't keep.

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Not all men--squeaky wheel and all that. (I'm speaking broadly here) Part of the problem is that child care has been depicted as feminine. Calling it parenting has helped bring men into the fold (much like dolls versus action figures). Another part is learning to multitask. Women are groomed for it; men generally aren't. Best way to help a man learn to multitask is to let him cook. I say rearing children is an 18 to life sentence. If both parties aren't in for that, go elsewhere.

People aspire to the ideal dream set forth in fairy tales and are crushed when that does not happen. They make promises based on unrealistic, fantasy role models. Thankfully those role models have changed for our young people today where they are blurring gender roles. I say BRAVO to that!

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that is sad to hear. kids need as much help as possible . many hands make light work. males should really look after their partners and their kids. and shouldn't have kids if they are not sure whether they can commit their whole life to the matter

At the end of the day, isn't it more about how much each parent / partner, free time they have for self care and enjoyment. It really doesn't matter so much what the family chores are or how they might be divided. Add up the free time and make it equal.

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I think things are changing, and more younger women are putting off having babies and being better educated when they do have babies. I think the change will be slow, but it is coming.

It is definitely happening and women are starting to get married later on in life too! But like you said it is slow. Literally, 7 people I know had a baby at a young age.. 17-20. It is sad, but they're taking good care of their babies and they are happy, I mean as long as they work to keep that baby in good health and not put the child in a neglectful situation I guess we can't really say anything and they will do what they want with their bodies. I just think it is sad to throw your life away at such a young age. But to me, it's throwing your life away because you didn't get to have time for yourself as an adult to explore life and all it has to offer. It CAN still be done with a kid, but the kid comes first at all times now. It isn't you first anymore. So you can't spend your money all willy-nilly. I don't know, maybe I am just selfish still and definitely not ready for a kid nor want one so my view is different.

My youngest had a baby when she was 25, my oldest is having her first at 33. The middle daughter says "oh hell no. No babies." She is a doting aunt.

You are correct, I live in a nation were 56% of the population's a university degree just under 60% of these are women' it is likely that the US will follow suit someday.

@HippieChick58 . The US is lagging behind Europe for an entire generation. I blame this on the infringement of religion on the American culture.

I went to Germany in 1980 (I think) when I was in the Army. They told us the squeal of the airplane tires hitting the runway was the sound of civil rights being dragged back to 1950. Now however, Angela Merkel is the leader of the Free World, and I'm sorta kinda wishing I'd stayed in Germany.

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