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Naked photos- what do you think?

“You need to put some clothes on,” I replied mildly. Through Fitness Singles, I had asked a man to send me a recent photo since his pictures were too old.

He sent a picture of himself in scanty briefs, standing and holding a guitar above a bulging crotch.

With online dating, leading with naked photos is the hallmark of a douchebag who just wants casual sex. Sending this photo before meeting showed poor judgment and impulsiveness.

“Damn, he’s hot!” I thought. He probably hoped for that reaction. "Down, girl!" my good sense argued. "Pump the brakes."

On the other hand....

At age 63, he is a registered nurse who works in critical care at a hospital. With a healthy lifestyle, he works out, rides a bicycle and has a large garden on one acre of property. He loves hiking, too. Divorced, he raised four daughters. These are good things, to quote Martha Stewart.

But that photo bothers me. Am I being too critical?

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 July 23

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36 comments

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1

Poor planning on his part for setting the scene for that photo. He should have just held the guitar lower and left open the possibility he had nothing on. Just kidding!

Maybe since you had already found out so many other good things about him, he was showing off a bit to confirm he was actually fit and in decent shape. But I think still a lapse in judgment on his part for wearing briefs instead of boxers. Boxers and boxer briefs are so much more comfortable. 🙂

11

No I totally agree. Remeber Maya Angelou's saying: ‘When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them". I think it's a turn off. We are more than our physical bodies, but some just don't care.

Especially when they show you that MUCH of who they are.

10

I hope it was acoustic. Electric at 63 comes off as kind of desperate.

Gareth Level 7 July 24, 2018

@Gareth
He was holding an acoustic guitar.

9

I find it a turn off, not to mention too much, if it's before you've met him.

I like a guy to keep his clothes on, until I'm helping him take them off.

Anything else comes across as insecurity or narcissism. He can keep both.

Not sure about the relationship potential, but if you're up for a shag, make sure you take photos of him...

And send them to US!! Woohoo!

Athena Level 8 July 23, 2018

@Athena

Very funny! Thanks.

Please keep it to yourself.

8

Tell him to send it to Anthony wiener....

Buddha Level 8 July 23, 2018

@Buddha

Hilarious!

7

Evidently he has absolutely no understanding of how to treat a lady. Something to consider. IMO

Thank you! ❤

@CaroleKay ?

@Sticks48

Excellent point. Thank you.

6

if this was the early stages of getting to know one and other its a bit icky confidence is one thing but as the old adage goes you never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression and i think most people would not have a good reaction to what is an unsolicited near nude pic at 63 you would hope he knows all about consent and what is and isnt appropriate good luck

weeman Level 7 July 24, 2018
6

I would have been turned off also. Not necessarily insulted, but definitely turned off. His other qualities would have to be very redeeming for me to get past that lapse in judgment.

5

At 63, he may be feeling like his age is working against him. I'm trying to put myself in his place and think about what might be going through my mind if I were him. So, he's a registered nurse, and even though I think that's great there are a lot of people who might think a male nurse isn't such a wonderful career path (perceptions of gender roles are still hard to shake). So, he keeps active and eats right, which lead to him having a great physique. If I were him, I might be thinking, "I'm getting up there in years, have a career that a lot of people don't think is very manly, and I'm competing on dating sites for the attention of women who are seeing profiles of much younger men as well, and if I want to attract someone as active as me I have to advertise in that vein, to show I can keep up with the guys half my age. I'm in good shape, but that won't last forever, so I'd better show off a bit while I'm still competitive." I'm not saying he's not just looking for casual sex, because that's a real possibility, but that might not be his motivation. Was he fully clothed in the photo where he was a lot younger? I suspect his age is starting to feel like an impediment to meeting women, and he's overcompensating, but he might still be a douchebag. (Sorry, I know that's not much help. Truthfully, only he knows his motivations, and even he might not be fully aware of them.)

@resserts

I think it's wonderful for men to become nurses and schoolteachers.

It shows compassion and character to take care of sick people.

@LiterateHiker Oh, I agree. I just think it can be something men sometimes feel self-conscious about — though it's much more common and widely accepted now than at one time.

5

No, you are not being critical. Too soon. When will men learn tIming? It’s horrible and all too common on dating sites.

Livia Level 6 July 24, 2018
5

Anyone who posts a nude or partially nude photo, or who references sex, I delete immediately. Their focus should be on getting to know me, not bragging about themselves and acting like I actually WANT to look at their disgusting genitals. There's no reason on earth to give a rat's tail about their bodies if I don't like the way they treat me.

5

Why is someone who sends a naked photo which means they are upfront about wanting sex a douchebag? At least they are being upfront and honest... Kind of tacky, but honest...

Because douche bags send inappropriate photos unsolicited.

4

maybe it just means he put the potato in on the right side....anybody know that joke?

@SeeCanU

I don't know that joke.

I do not.

i had to copy paste it:

A man goes to the beach...
...and he sets himself up to show off his new beach bod. A few women glance his way, but none strike up a conversation. He looks a little ways down the beach to see lots of women around an older guy who is nowhere near as chiseled as him.

As the crowd disperses, the man approaches his competition and asks the older man what his secret is.

"Sure, I'll tell you! It's real easy. First thing I do before stepping out onto the beach is put a potato in my Speedo. It's a real eye catcher, if you know what I mean!"

Seeing the older man's success, he decides to give it a try. The next morning he stops at the market and buys the biggest potato he could find and heads off to the beach. He sets himself up like the day before and puts the potato in his Speedo, but now even less women are glancing at him. Some are even making comments under their breath.

Confused, the man finds the older man from the day before and asks what gives.

"I did it just like you said, stuffed the potato in my Speedo and everything!"

The older man shakes his head in disgust.

"You idiot! You're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT!"

4

I don't know. Raising kids can make one desperate. I find it weird. If youthink he had a momentary lack of judgement and are straight with him, he will either get it together or disappear.

4

I think the verdict is in. Follow your gut.

Qualia Level 8 July 23, 2018
4

Nope, not too critical at all. It's pretty bad form to lead off with those kinds of images. I think it's ok to exchange revealing pictures once that has been mutually agreed upon, but not as an icebreaker.

4

There are articles on this Kathleen. In one case a woman flipped the switch and sent random guys "pussy" shots. (not her own tho lol) Apparently it was a big hit...
It would put me off done too early also. Why in this day & age men don't wait for the cue is beyond me. It's insulting.
I got a crotch shot the other day, but it was clothed, and someone I know. Long story that. Nothing nefarious.

Qualia Level 8 July 23, 2018

That is so disgusting. I'd have defriended or deleted that person immediately. Most men want to have sex with most women, so someone showing sexual interest is NOT a compliment. What matters is if they see you as a person and are interested in getting to know you.

@birdingnut I left out the context and I more than "asked" for being sent such a pic, without coming right out and saying so. If there was ever such a thing as a "classy crotch shot", I got it.

@PalacinkyPDX not sure if that was for my reply.

Some of these men married young, divorced old, and really have no experience and no idea what they are doing. Men who have spent a great deal of their adult life single are probably less likely to do stupid shit like this. I can honestly say l have never hit on a woman in my life . Most women will signal you when they want to take things to the next level.

4

Well, I wouldn't be caught dead doing that, much less online. You never put anything online that you don't potentially want the whole planet to see.

I think a lot of guys would share my sentiment.

Make of that what you will.

4

I am probably not a good judge of this behavior, it's the very last kind of ploy I'd use, unless asked; but, I think by this age, 60's and up, a lot of guys just figure to "let it all hang out" and see what happens. They score-great! They get rebuffed-on to the next. Dunno, just my take on it. I could not begin to tell you how you should react, that's totally your call.

3

Guys often wrongly assume that women want revealing pics, because they want revealing pics. I'd say its possibly a warning flag, but also I am a benefit of the doubt person.

He might just be overly proud that he has a high level of fitness...

Could go either way, I think..

arnies Level 7 July 24, 2018

I think you're right, that this is why men often make this mistake. They give what they want to get.

What I've noticed also, is that men who wouldn't send revealing photos of themselves, in this scenario, also appreciate when a woman doesn't. It also raises red flags for them, depending on their intentions regarding relationships and dating.

That's a really good point though. We often take action toward another that we hope for ourselves.

3

I wouldn't lead with that picture. I wouldn't even do shirtless unless that had been discussed, better yet requested. (I know what I look like without a shirt, I know not everyone thinks it's a good look. Tastes vary. Lucky for me.)

I've never had anyone send me a picture of herself in something revealing the very first pic. Maybe soon after, but not the very first. What would my reaction be if someone did? Probably I would think "She's very forward" (which I like, personally) "and very eager" (ditto) but also, the back of my mind would wonder, "why so eager?" I'm slightly paranoid by trade, and that approach would probably put me on my guard... why is she throwing herself at me this way?

Now, we men do throw ourselves at women sometimes, we wish women wanted to see us naked as much as we want to see them naked, and while that may be true in person, it's not the case with pictures texted on a phone. Right? So maybe he really hoped you would be impressed, and I guess you were... but at the same time, he doesn't seem to get the fact that it was much too soon. A mixed bag at best, someone to be cautious about. That's my take, anyway.

3

People who resort to this sort of tactic have a low sense self-esteem and, to me are extremely shallow. In the end you will get what you see and nothing more.

3

My 2 cents... fitness singles signals suggests that the members consider a strong and healthy physical body very important. Seems tied to the venue.

3

If he was wearing briefs he wasn't naked.

3
3

I do not get out much, has the world ever changed. I think your hot, I am married. I can say that as I mean just that. I have no intention of doing anything about it as it is not my place. If you asked me for a better picture I would make myself look good, clean clothes and well groomed, and get a picture. Want to see more, sorry I don't do that. Would not be in good taste. I guess I'm just old fashioned and have good manners. But it is up to you. Not judging just trying to help and be honest.

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