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Dating sites!

What means when a member of a dating site says:
I'm not religion but I am spiritual or "Christian but no important?

How this will work in a relationship with a non believer?

Thank you for taking the time and sharing your opinion. It will help me a lot.

Cecilia2018 7 July 27

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I usually just come right out and ask quite soon in the conversation. I reiterate that I'm atheist to make sure that doesn't ruffle their feathers (and to see if they actually read my damn profile) and see what they mean by their identification.

I have a 2nd date this weekend with someone. He said he's christian but he doesn't really go to church, etc. I can deal with that. He was reluctant to use the word liberal but he's definitely not a trumpster. I'm looking forward to finding out more about him....

@PalacinkyPDX I had 2 really great dates with a guy and we had amazing chemistry. I knew he leaned a bit right and he knew I leaned a bit left but our conversations were very respectful. We had a 3rd date planned.....then I friended him on Facebook. We quickly learned just how far the other person leaned politically and mutually decided to not pursue dating. It was pretty disappointing so I try to ask questions about core values before we meet.

Religion does not bother me anywhere near as much as being a trumpster!


When I was married, religion was not part of our lives whatsoever. Approximately six years ago my ex found jesus and it became a constant wedge. Our children are agnostic/atheists as well. His attempts at indoctrinating us failed and the name calling began. We are devil worshippers and the like. Of course, if I don’t believe in heaven.. I certainly don’t believe in hell.
So, religion ruined my fourteen year marriage.

thats really messed up. newly converted are often the worst.

Good to read that you stood your ground with your children. Religion seems to infect people like a plague.

That is shit but I guess 'normal' in someone who 'finds' religion, i.e. no belief in themselves.


People who believe in magic should not be allowed to make important decisions

KC1959 Level 5 July 27, 2018

I think it means they don't care about what you think, they just want sex.

Gareth Level 7 July 27, 2018

Cecilia, you're breaking my heart...


I have found "spiritual" people to be no different than religious people--if they think that people have "energy" or that there is a higher power it's still the same b.s. as religion. The people that say "Christian but not important" are probably non-believers but afraid to cut the cord. I have found these people able to negotiate or agree to disagree and really not religious except for maybe holidays, like Christmas.

lerlo Level 8 July 27, 2018

@Byrdsfan Exactly! I always check for crosses around their neck and on the walls in the pics 🙂


In my experience, it depends. Many people who are "religious" but it's not important, are really closer to being agnostic or atheist. Often they keep the label of a religion to preserve family relationships. The spiritual but not religious - hard to predict what people mean by that. You need to have a discussion about it early on and see. Good luck!


I have dated believers, and it hasn't been a problem. If l hear someone talking about Jesus, it won't even get started.


I think having atheist on your dating profile like POF or OKC is deadly. At least here in South Florida with such a big Latin, Catholic population. I wrote to one girl who actually answered "Your an atheist ? seriously ?" lmao

Yup, same problem in Texas. Her words were a little harsher though.

you are kinda right but it still doesn't stop me.
I am still getting dates too strangely enough.

I even kind of did a check with one girl I was really kinda interested in but she had a child. I asked if that was going to be a point of contention at some point if I didn't attend church with them. She was very appreciative of the fact I brought it up and we decided best we not meet.

@maxhyde I too keep it on there. It's me.

@Switchcraft Yeah I just read the profile and see...if there is a ...I love Jesus..or ...Jesus follower.. I just move on.

Dating is way easier when they weed you out 😉

It isn't a problem in Seattle or the Bay Area. I couldn't date anyone who took any Abrahamic religion seriously so I'd rather be able to self-select out. Spiritual is generally ok.


I’m a Christian. Ive had and currently have wonderful friendships and interactions and even relationships with non believers. It’s never been a problem for me. I tend to not really put anything about my faith on dating profiles. As a Christian, I would take those comments to mean that they are Christian but it’s not a deal breaker if you aren’t.


It all depends on the individual. Not just any two atheists will fit either.

skado Level 9 July 27, 2018

What it means to me when someone says "not religious but spiritual" or "Christian but not important," is that they are trying to cast a wider net for someone to join their own inability to commit to a life credo. Further, this lack of any definable moral code allows for a fluidity of who they allow to enter their lives; but, that the quasi-follower feels another similarly-situated maleable being will encapsulate and define their existence because they can't and won't do so for themselves.

Yeah, no. Crap like that is a deal breaker in my book. Are you a follower? Find someone else to herd you.

Sort of an extreme take on that statement.

Perhaps the organized religions to not have a dogma that fits their social or moral standards they choose to live by? They can still believe in the concept of God without following or being active in a specific denomination. My ex was like this...very fluid concept of God that fit her life not the other way around

Lets face it they are just about one step away from agnostic or atheist. Believing in a higher power is not a fence rider because they don't commit to a religion. Just like we have reasons to believe what we do best to assume they have reasons they do too whether you can make sense of them or not.


I just ended one because I didn't feel like explaining why i don't believe. All was going great until I saw a 2 foot tatoo of a cross on her back and knew it would not. Too bad cause she was smart, pretty and goal oriented. NUTS!

Mokvon Level 8 July 28, 2018

I had been in all types of relationships with a Christian Scientist for 16 years.... we been everything but married or enemies. It is up to the individuals. I never talk about god, she never tries to indoctrinate me. Boundaries.... if you are a Militant Atheist at war with all religious or godlike. Spare him of your presence. You both will be grateful.


I asked a guy that the other day. His profile said "spiritual" so I asked him what he believed. His dumb ass said he was methodist. I had to shake my head and move on.

He could have been attending the Methodist church just for social reasons.


I can't say too much about dating, however I do have a few very good friends that are believers. They know I am an Atheist and they don't care. In fact even though we don't share the same beliefs, they like the fact that I stand up for myself when some real religious people try to argue with me.

So, I could see if they say it's not important, it could very much work. JMHO.


Well, it sounds like the people who indicate "spiritual, but not religious" or "Christian, but it's not important" might be trying to convey that they are willing to "agree to disagree" and that it won't be a problem. I think the reality is that, especially depending on your age, and your stage of life experience, that it will matter very much. For example, if you're young enough to consider having children, the question of how to raise them could be very contentious.

If you're both further along in life and kids are no longer a factor, it COULD work, but it really depends on the individuals involved.

I've found that the heart wants what the heart wants, which is completely irrational and illogical. Sometimes you are so deeply, madly and crazy-in-love with someone that religious differences don't matter. Hope this helps.


Honestly there is no universal answer to that, you have to ask them what that means to them,,,,

Yanya Level 7 July 27, 2018

I am an atheist, and I like atheists best. Much less bullshit to deal with.

JK666 Level 7 Aug 11, 2018

I do my best to restrain the urge to say “Oh, so you are superstitious without the benefits of ritual or community?”

Because that would be a jerk thing to say.

GTrex Level 4 July 29, 2018

...u could " believe " -or have faith in alot
of social prescripts/ie...manogamy; universal empathy; time advances;the sun
will raise tommorow...Religions are the (supposed to be)
"go between" humanity and the Diety.

BBJong Level 7 July 27, 2018

In my opinion it means they believe in a higher power greater than themselves. They don't necessarily believe in a god but do believe their is some kind of force controlling everything. As far as how it will work in a relationship with a nonbeliever, that depends on the two individuals and how tolerant they are to other beliefs.


"Spiritual" usually means they believe there is a higher power, but they don't really follow a particular doctrine.
"Christian, but it's not important", I would teke as they believe in God and Jesus but don't push it on others. A casual Christianity, I guess.

As Daniel Dennett says, "they do not believe in god, they believe in a 'belief in god'"

@jlynn37 I'm sure some do, maybe even most, but I've never heard the ones I know word it that way.


Totally fine for me. We could have a ton of theological and idealogical discussions and neither was offended we didn't believe the same thing.
It means they understand there are flaws in the practices of religions and still want to believe in God but one that doesn't exist in the bible or an organized religious dogma

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