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Is it normal or healthy to prefer to spend the majority of my time alone?

I am not shy or introverted but I am a loner. I have spent most of my life in the role of nurturer, rescuer and caretaker and now enjoy solitude. In your honest opinion please tell me: Is it normal or healthy to prefer to spend the majority of my time alone? Thanks for your opinion!

goatgirl 6 Oct 14
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19 comments

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0

Depends. I also spent my life as a single mom, and my hobbies are solitary ones like reading and genealogy. Circumstances beyond my control have kept me alone but I would love to know more decent people to hang around with. Without my computer and internet, I would be totally alone and bored out of my mind.

0

I think this is a positive attribute. A person should not have to rely on someone else to make them happy

0

While not my default setting I believe it is entirely healthy to live that way. I have many friends who prefer solitude to recharge, center themselves, or simply escape some of the turmoil that exists when surrounded by others. I often think I need to become more comfortable with solitude. I constantly ask myself if I can't be happy with only my own company how can I expect anyone else to be happy with my company?

0

Yes, it is. The reason I think it is is that you need to save your energy, Rest your mind and relax it. It even helps you to get to know yourself too. Whenever you need to get away from everybody, then you should spend yours alone for the sake of everyone else. This includes yourself as well. Peace out.

0

This relates to a post that I placed today. I didn't delve into the health of it, just the preference. I believe it's very normal for certain people, for others it would be a horrible sentence. Why do you feel comfortable being alone? I find that when I'm really involved in something, the fewer distractions the better and meeting someone is a distraction that I only partially attend. Other times I find myself longing for company. It's a wishy-washy world.

@jodyfine I was taking the idea of actually being in solitude. I know enough about myself that I know I can't live alone. Being alone the majority of the time I can handle, but I crave some touch. And of course I don't want to be around someone that's driving me batty. It's nice to hear you might entertain the idea of spending time with someone.

0

some people re - energize by spending time alone. Some people re - energize by being with ornery people. That's normal. If you spend a lot of time alone and you're happy, who's to judge. But if you're alone and lonely, you might want to consider why.

If the reason you spend your time alone is or of fear of not being able to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, you should get some help.

Cheri Level 5 Oct 28, 2017
0

im the exact same way..couldn't stand to be alone when I was younger but now im happiest sitting in the sun reading a book and watching the animals..it would be nice to have someone to share it wih but its hard to meet someone in the middle of 40 acres on a mountain..lol

1

I think it's perfectly normal and healthy assuming it's a choice. I don't spend near as much time with people as I'd like but it's more about quality and if the quality isn't there I'd rather be alone.

SamL Level 7 Oct 15, 2017
1

I think it is perfectly normal and certainly healthy to spend time alone. I know that when I go into town for shopping and other chores which I try to keep to no more than a couple of times a week, I am always relieved to get back home to the solitude of my workshop and my sculpture projects.

1

I've been living alone for 20 years. However, I don't think I'm "lonely." My sister and her family live three houses away, and my parents are 2 miles away. I have nice neighbors, and a few friends. I work in a school, so I'm around people all day. And I like living alone. I guess, I've been living alone for so long that I just don't really know anything else. Last time I lived with someone, I was in my 20s!

I go on day trips alone, I went on a 5-day vacation to DC alone. I wouldn't mind sharing time with someone special, but I'm not desperate to do so. Sometimes it bothers me that I don't have the husband-and-kids lifestyle that my peers do, but there's nothing I can do about that. Life just didn't work out that way for me.

So, you're not alone. We live alone and aren't miserable. Nothing unhealthy or weird about that.

3

I definitely need to be alone from time to time.
I think it's mostly I just get tired of having to go through inane blabber and activities I just don't want to do or go to.
I'd rather just surf online, read a book, or just watch a hockey game on TV.

3

WOW! I am also a nurturer and caretaker. I'm very close to my sister and I have good friends, but there is a lot of time alone. Nurturers are taken advantaged of by many people. I don't want to play victim and I hold out hope that someone genuine and honest is out there for romance and love.

9

The majority of my life I have been a social butterfly but in my 40's people have disappointed me in so many ways that I now prefer my solitude. I am borderline agoraphobic and cannot go to public places such as busy shopping malls or concerts where my anxiety overtakes me.
Often my family and friends mistake my desire for solitude as snobbish and thats so not the case. My son and I are very similar in how we come off vs how we really are. People gravitate towards him bc he is an old soul and very wise for his years but he gets easily overwhelmed when many approach him.

I like how someone put it "being alone isnt always the same as being lonely" or something like that. I actualy feel recharged after a weekend of solitide.

Thanks for an interesting post!

Having my first and only child at 47 then breaking up with her mother at 49 I do feel very lonesome, even though I do have her every week. Over the last 15 years my multiple jobs have all been very socially orientated , a Sgt. at a detention center and Head of security at a night club. But being away from those jobs now without all the drama felt good. Now as 911 dispatcher, different kind of drama believe it or not, way less stressful. Missing my daughter is something I wasnt ready for. I can understand what you mean by " being alone isnt always the same as being lonely" but the opposite effect. Thanks for listening.

1

it's mixed. i am an introvert and a bit agoraphobic, i hate crowds. antisocial they say isn't good. plus i have an anxiety disorder. you have to stay in your comfort zone though.

1

If you are happy, then i think its fine

1

Since my partner of 19 years died, the fourth in a string of four, nearly 20 years ago I have lived on my own by choice. I was a bit of a loner as a kid because I preferred the company of adults to people my own age. But at about the time I finished my undergraduate studies I became much more gregarious and social. Much of this had to do with my coming out as being gay, something I decided I was no longer going to hide. I started out habituating haunts of other gay people like bars and soon learned that sitting in the shadows waiting for others to initiate conversation was not a successful strategy for making friends. I also learned that the best come on was no come on at all and would strike up conversations centered on the most innocuous of subjects. I worked as a cook with ambitions of being a chef and found that taking the lead where a vacuum seemed apparent furthered my career. I eventually moved on to a career as a real estate broker and spent 17 years negotiating contracts and cultivating clients which often involved smiling when I would just as soon preferred to put some jackass in his place and move on. By the time I retired I simply decided to take the rest from it all that I had promised myself that someday I would enjoy. I have found that the more I spend time by myself the more I want to spend time by myself. I am done with doing more than my fair share to reconcile disagreements with partners and clients, forcing myself to participate in social activities I do not particularly enjoy, and putting others' often petty preferences above my own. I am not a recluse but I pick and choose my associations very carefully and am available only when I am truly in the mood. Maybe it is a result of burnout or maybe I am just reverting to type as evidenced by my earlier years. Whatever the reason I am perfectly happy to enjoy my own company.

3

I am the same way. I'm not shy - even as a toddler I was talking to strangers - I'm very outgoing and not at all introverted, yet I prefer to be in my own home, mostly alone. I don't really get lonely, I do sometimes miss talking, since that is my favorite thing to do. LOL
But - for the most part, I stay home because this world is totally screwed, people are rude and disrespectful, it is all about "me, me, me". There are too many people on this Earth and ignorance is rampant. So, I stay home where I don't get angry at people that have no morals or no respect. 🙂 I think 'normal' is a terrible word, I don't think anything is 'normal'. But, if you're happy, then you're golden, in my opinion! 🙂

1

Do you enjoy your own company? If you do then that seems pretty normal. I spend a lot of time alone although I do enjoy company at times for a short while anyway. I am not introverted or shy either. The fact is that other people start to grate on my nerve after a while especially game players and flakes.

I think it matter more on what you do while your in there than being there. Do you leave your though and idea in there or do you bring them back out into the real world?

Not all preconceived notions are wrong, sometimes they are spot on. Are you a real goat herder or a metaphorical one?

1

Not sure if it's normal, but I'm right there with you... I am introverted, however. I like to be left alone to my own thoughts, and my peace and quiet.

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