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Is it more important to be liked or respected?

I find that I'm generally respected in my professional life. I was respected during my previous career in business as well. I know that my students mostly like me (although I have an occasional kid that I just can not get along with no matter how much effort I make.) On the other hand, I don't always feel liked by my many of my colleagues, and I think that stems not only from being an atheist in a Bible belt town, but also from some rather Asperger tendencies in my personality. It's not that I'm disinterested or lack empathy, I simply think that many of the things that stress other people out are rather vapid and so I sometimes come off as less emotional that I should be in some situations. Do you think it's important to try to be liked by your co-workers, or is simply knowing that they respect you professionally enough?

MsOliver 7 Jan 13
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16 comments

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Respected...I don't care if anyone likes me or not. Chances are I don't like them anyway.

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I'm all about the respect. Of course it's good to be liked but I'd rather be respected

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In my personal life, both are equally important. In my professional life, respect is far more important. Most of my positions have been in tech senior management. People who are highly competent tend to both like and respect me. People who are marginally competent tend to be afraid of me.

I'm usually in consulting and the dynamic is different with clients. As a consultant, I often need to work with people who I either dislike, don't respect, or both. It is less important if clients like or respect me as a person, however it is critical they respect the skills of my team.

Overall, respect is more important.

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As somebody that did 20 years in the military. Respect is what you want. Remember you may end up sending somebody you like to their deaths and you were just doing your duty. We always said you don't need to like me and I am not here to be liked but I will earn your Respect. Civilian job is a little more relaxed with some exceptions. You can like me after we clock out. Just like in the military after I take off the uniform. You can like me while in the job. But Respect means more to me. It is about character and commitment to the mission. It is something more substantial and matured.

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I believe if you are Liked, chances are, you will be respected equally. However if you are respected only, that doesn't necessarily mean you are liked, equally. I'd rather have a combination of the two.

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 16, 2018
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You set your own criteria for these evaluations and I would help you implement the process according to your prioritized goals

Messages from those declaring like respect both or neither might be assessed by THE PROFESSOR's Lie Detector AND HIS WONDER WOMEN

1

In my earlier life cycle, I twisted myself into a pretzel to be liked. Maybe, people liked me, but since it wasn't me...what good did I get out of it? Now, I work, to please no one...but seek to earn respect, by acting from authenticity, I feel like a real person, now. Respect has long lasting effects..

1

I hated some guys i worked with but they were the best qualified and I put up with their shit to get the job done right and in a timely manner. Almost all the people I worked with on bad jobs were Alfa male. I loved it . Talk about being responsible for every little detail. The people i like are a few Alfa and a few that are not. Great mixture. On here, I don't need to hear an Alfa male or female that has a domeanating personality say harsh things to other people or make a suggestion that the could be something ugly. That pissed me off and its happened to me and I'll flag that person if it ever happens again. I will go straight to admin with it. With that being said... I like everyone's opinion as long as it's not hurtful.

Would an example of shitty posts here be insulting vegans with "jokes ?"

@GreenAtheist. No..... but if some sent a comment directly to you personally. Yeah!

1

Treat me properly, i reciprocate. Dis me, wish you were somewhere else immediately. But, never forget, people spend most of their time worrying about how you perceive them!

3

That should not even be a question. To be respected is the only rational and honorable choice.

when I stopped to think about your comment, I agree, politicians try to be liked, that is how they win the votes, yet they are mostly dishonourable.

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Honest answer = I don't know. I am respected I know that. In a group, particularly at work, I am the least liked person, but the least disliked as well. People trust me, but I never see them outside of work, I am the one they go to with problems, share confidences with, but they don't actually "like' me. Because I am honest and considered blunt, many people are the same with me and have told me this as well as my own perceptions.

@Airmid Sadly, that is people, they basically use you for their own ends, seeking advice and so on, but will stab anyone in the back to get ahead. Their failing not yours.

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I will agree with 42 (even though he is not always agreeable) however, he does seem to have an impeccable sense of logic and a great sense of humor.....

2

I have had respect for people I did not like. But then again, you have to experience gaming community to understand.

1

Everyone likes and respects me because I'm so modest. 😉

1

I don't believe you can be respected unless you are liked.

Quite a few years ago, I became a manager for a large chain of book stores and was handed the Management Manual. The very first page said, in big black capitals, "IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO BE RESPECTED THAN LIKED" (it was in comic sans, which spoiled the effect somewhat). However, previous to that I'd been head of stock and supplies for another slightly smaller company and part of my job had been to carry out stock takes and make recommendations for changes at premises where stock loss was high. It didn't take long before I realised that staff theft was extremely high at our branches where the manager was known to be "hard" or "overly strict" on the staff, the reason being that they were feared rather than respected, and staff were always looking for a way to settle the score - which in most cases, meant they nicked stuff. However, all the branches with very low staff theft had managers who were considered "kind," "helpful" and "fair" - they were liked, and the staff respected them for treating them well.

So, in every management position I've held since, I've made a point of being nice to the staff so they like me.

Jnei Level 8 Jan 13, 2018

"Well, that is like.... your opinion man." You may be a manager but you are confusing leadership issues in this matter. I can see why they like you. And I thank you for you not having served.

@GipsyOfNewSpain We're talking about two very different scenarios here. In the company I worked for, staff theft dropped to almost zero, staff sickness and turnover dropped dramatically, profits increased and customer service improved enormously. What works in one scenario may not work in another; personally, I find that leading by example (and encouraging staff to use their own brains instead of blindly following) had a very beneficial effect, and staff who are happy and like their boss do a good job because they want to.

1

I think it depends what you want.

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