Too me this article is another example of blaming the victim. If woman are too soft in their words they are wrong, to tough they are wrong. Lets be clear the reason they are treated in certain ways is because they are woman and likely the person on the other side of the desk is sexist towards them. Its the same with people who tell black men to be less aggressive to not threaten or scare the white folk.

interesting. i don't do these things, and i am constantly being told (and seeing other people being told) that maybe if i JUST apologized or softened up what i said, my disagreeing with people wouldn't be so bad. first of all, that's not true. people who don't like being disagreed with don't care of you say sorry first. second of all, i'm not sorry so why should i say i'm sorry? (if i am, i do!) and third of all, the last time i apologized (in advance) for saying something, i was called "cunty" anyway. (imagine if i had NOT apologized!) i am more likely to say "correct me if i'm wrong" if i feel unsure, and i mean ti when i say it, and sometimes get corrected. i don't say i might be wrong without an active and sincere solicitation to correct me if i am; everyone might be wrong, after all. if one is unsure, one can always say "i think" instead of leaving the door open for a big kick in the butt!

g

I often say I may be wrong because I know I might be wrong. Sometimes my drive to be accurate undermines my argument. Why say I might be wrong when I think I’m probably right?

I do this, lol!

Men do this as well. If you aspire to a leadership role these traits can end your career. Be aware of and manage them.

I've dealt with this, too. Say what you mean, you're a bitch. Soften your comments and you get ignored. It's a lose/lose proposition.

Ugh, and I just caught myself doing this excrement on another thread. /facepalm

All three show doubt, apologizing, or second-guessing. Kind of makes sense to me, growing up I often felt that I should be nice and agreeable, and I know a lot of women were raised that way -- put your needs and opinions aside, defer to what others want.

So true.

Thank you, what a good article! I’ve been trying to fix my language because I do all of these. I grew up in an abusive environment and these things helped to calm the beasts. I also find I do this mostly with men because they are the ones who’ve been abusive in my life. I still feel it’s needed in certain situations for calming men down so they don’t hurt you. Although it doesn’t always work

I've read articles like this before and have taken some of the advice, like mostly removing things like "just asking" from my speech, especially at work.
Other parts are debatable to me. Admitting not being an expert is more like a disclaimer or admission that you don't know if all. (Note, I do agree with the article if you actually are an expert and are just softening the language).