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What Advice Or Support Would You Give A Friend Or Family Member Facing Death?

I remember Back when I was a Christian, When a person was on their death bed with a terminal illness perhaps, I would ignorantly tell them to Pray and have faith in God.

As a Non Believer of only 2.5 years I was wondering how we as non believers comfort and support friends and love ones during a terminal illness or injury. How do you encourage this person about the end of life and eternity?

Please Tell me how would you handle this or how have you handled this situation in the past.

twshield 8 Jan 19
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22 comments

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6

Remind them they won't be in pain anymore. My Dad died three years ago and he told us to remember that.

4

Tidy up loose ends, contact those you wish to say good bye to, make any necessary apologies or explanations, make sure your will is current, plan your funeral and make sure the money is available to cover it. If there are people you love, make sure they know, make sure any pets will be taken care of, ensure you have appropriate palliative care in place, there is no need to be in pain, but also be aware that pain management can rob you of clear thought. Anything you want to do and still can, do it.

4

I have not been placed in that situation much. I would let them take the lead and using your empathy and sympathy, provide the appropriate support.

3

Totally depends on their own beliefs, That is not the time to persuade them of mine.

Nemo Level 3 Jan 21, 2018
2

I would do my best to reassure them that their wishes were carried out. On my mother's death bed we spent a good deal of time letting her know about future plans or concerns that we wanted her to know we would take care of. I talked to her about her dog and me goin to grad school.

2

I would tell them about EFT and teach them how to use it to eliminate their fear if they are afraid of dying.

What's EFT?
Pls explain

@Janakiraman
Emotional Freedom Techniques. It's a method of tapping with your finger tips on acupuntcure points. It is very effective. There is a lot of online information

2

I've done this a few times, and I found the best thing to do is laugh with them when they want to laugh and cry with them when they want to cry. And then call them 'pussies' while you are mopping up your own tears. That leads back to the laughter. Afterlife, oddly, hasn't doesn't come up much. I asked an older friend of mine what he thought happened. and that was how I found out he was an atheist of sorts. He had done some bad things in his life, though, so I always wondered if he was an atheist for the fear of where he would go if there was an afterlife. If he had been healthy, I would have had this debate with him, because I am a bastard that way.

2

We all have to go at some point in time. It may never be a fair moment. But keep the memories alive without losing touch that this plane belongs only to the living while they are alive.

2

I think just being there is the important part, supporting them through this part of life. We all have our beliefs, it doesn't trump love.. If they want to talk about religion, listen. You can tactfully say that although you haven't come to the same conclusions about religion, you hope the afterlife they seek is every bit as amazing as they envision it to be.

2

If they cried for god I would leave them alone. If they were nervous and wanted my opinion then I would tell them not to worry. It's just like going to sleep.

2

The only thing that got me over my dad's death was noticing the parts of my character that are very obviously from him, whether that be philosophies shared, or biological habits that were natural to both of us. Knowing that pieces of him are living in me in some way, and working out ways to honor his memory - it's comforting to know.

2

The one thing I look forward to most about death is that I will no longer be subjected to gods or their flocks. There really isn't anything to say, just being there shows you actually care and should be all anyone would need.

2

I think the most important thing you can do is to spend time with them and make your love felt in their lives. My parents both died in 2017 and we were able to spend time with my Mom when she was in hospice. She was glad that we were there and it helped us to to be able to take care of her during her final days. When my Dad got his diagnosis of terminal lung cancer we went out and spent Thanksgiving week with him. Nothing can replace spending time with loved ones facing death.

2

my sister died last year of cancer in Feb after a long illness and we are all none believers really. we were just there for her and didn't broach the subject and neither did she. if she had done I would have tactfully told her the answer.

1

Comfort the dying, love the living, be of service. Anything else is foolishness.

Sympathy is a word in the dictionary between shit and syphilis, and about as useful.

1

I sure will miss you terribly....... As you won't need these shortly, can I have your motor mower and stainless steel spade when you've gone ??

1

I just focused on the moment on whatever they needed at that time. If it was just to be present that was it, if it was coffee or any other little thing made sure it was there.
Mostly followed their lead. I'd let myself cry here and there but if the need to cry my head off swept over me would leave the room.

1

If they are worried about who will feed the dog, fix the sink, etc. Let them know you have it covered. My experience that causes the most worry. All those little chores not getting done.

1

Let them feel whatever they're feeling without judgment.
Ask them what they need instead of assuming I know.
Provide a shoulder, tissues, funny movies and ice cream

1

Just tell them, "you are all fine and soon gonna be OK a be back with a bash".

1

I believe that death is part of life, and most of us can't avoid it forever. I want a good death, dignified, not pain, no machines. Just let my essence ebb away. I know parts of me will continue on, and life goes on.

1

I give them a copy of Steven King's book Revelation. The ending says that death is horrible. "No Rest! No Peace!"

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