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Happily single—or not?

I know there are plenty of single people in this community, but I’m curious to know how happy everyone is about being single.
For instance I’m happily single, because I treasure my time alone and my freedom. However, I sometimes miss having a partner to share my day with.
What do you like/not like about being single?

RoadGoddess 7 Jan 19

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81 comments

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I am happily single if there isn't anyone I feel compelled to reveal my feelings for. Even then it has to be very compelling for me to say anything.
That is pretty rare as well so yeah I guess I am happily single mostly by choice...but also pretty newly single

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For me, being single has never been a choice. So no, I am not happy about being single.
It is difficult to be happy when you are denied the choice of being able to be with someone who wants you in return, or ignored and left alone by those around you.

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I feel the same way you do. I enjoy the pleasure of my own company and cherish solitude and freedom. But I'm so much fun that it would be a crime not to share all this awesomeness with somebody else now and then.

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 12, 2018
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Cooking and eating meals alone is a drag. I recently met someone to spend time with but she has back pain and insomnia and only wants to see me when she's feeling up.When she's not, she goes incommunicado and that just doesn't make sense to me. So now I'm back to me,my dog and my cat.

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I feel the same way you do about being single. However some day I hope to find a partner to spend the rest of my life with. Gender doesn't matter to me.

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Depends. Am I having enough sex? Key criterion!

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Happily single, but would be happy to change my status to “not single”.

Plus side of single life: bathroom is free when I need it, no one eats my leftovers but me, and I don’t have to play by someone else’s rules (ex wife was an über-religious control freak).

Downside: No companion to share life with, no chance of kids until status change, no cuddles, no bill sharing, no chore sharing, no one to cook for

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I keep telling myself I am — two bad marriages was a nightmare. But I miss the companionship. Kinda gave up on the whole marriage thing (or even romance), but I still miss some parts.

Kodij Level 5 Aug 13, 2018
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I am not.

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I would say we have a somewhat similar outlook.

A few years ago I was researching my home theater project and ran across a rather daunting problem many who posted were experiencing when putting together a room for acoustic considerations: speakers (size/placement, amps, bass traps acoustic dampening panels, etc. is a primary problem stressed was the need to strictly adhere to the WAF (Wife Acceptance Factor). Shortly thereafter I was downstairs plotting a ridiculously large cloth covered acoustic ceiling array with lights and was wondering if it would pass the WAF. . . Then, the sudden realization: - - DUH! I don’t have a WAF. The sky is the limit. I’ve peaced together a monstrosity project with over 25 speakers, including many that are 4’ in size, in a room with acoustic treatments that would likely not pass any WAF. The only objection I have had was a single guest wondering about a 4’ x’ 8’ cloth acoustic dampening panel filled with 8” of shredded blue jeans located above the 2nd row of elevated seating. She was NOT impressed as she could touch the black cloth of the acoustic treatment. For me the sound makes it all worth the while as the room resembles an anechoic chamber. This project (will never be completed) has taken hundreds of hours of planning and building and would likely not be in its current state if I had a woman to share my life.

When I go downstairs and place a blu-ray in a player to listen (I almost never run the projector without a crowd) to a movie, I greatly enjoy the experience. I don’t do that very often as I don’t seem to have not a lot of free time. I also enjoy a large variety of making things alone.

On a strange side note that more to the point answers your question: One reason I almost never watch movies in the theater alone is when the movie is over, to suddenly transition from an engaging, often 3d movie on a 205” screen with sounds that place you in the scene, with film characters in a fantasy world as those you are passively engaged with, to suddenly find yourself alone in huge black sound sucking room with seating for 21 and only light of a projector and an array of sound processing amplifiers and conditioners, is occasionally very lonely to the point that you can feel the cold pressing of emptiness on your skin. This doesn’t happen very often as I almost never run the projector alone for a feature film.

In short:

Likes:
Freedom,

Dislike:
Occasionally being alone. (at home I am almost always alone but I am not home much) Nobody to share life’s experiences: discussion etc.
Going to sleep and waking up alone.
Not having a partner to share the physical pleasures of life.

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Being single again has it's ups and downs. I miss the intimacies of married life (it's been years), but since my wife died, I can't seem to bring myself to see other people for that intimacy. I like being alone, but loneliness isn't really a problem. I would have to say that I have mixed feelings about my singleness.

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Being a mix of both intro- and extrovert, I value a certain amount of time to myself. However, I've been unattached since my divorce several years ago, and have only had platonic dates since then. I have been feeling lonely and would like to be in a healthy relationship again soon, but in the meantime I'm working on improving my own life and--this is important--pursuing my individual dreams to improve my own sense of self, until someone special comes along.

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I'm happy single with a robust group of friends and a loving family.

It would take a very special woman for me to add them to my group of established friends. I'd love to meet my book club fitness queen but if not that's cool too.

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You can be as lonely in a marriage as you can be when you are single... eh? I think that's just part of the equation. .

I was much lonlier married than I am now.

@Minta79 That is a common observation I have heard from many women who were married to an inferior partner.

@NoMagicCookie lol arent you a charmer....

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Single 2 years and sometimes get lonely of a Sunday afternoon but then it passes and I move on....

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I'm of the generation that was conditioned to believe that marriage for women was the only way to prove your worth. And, unfortunately, I bought the message. I felt that I wasn't valuable unless someone loved me. I had to learn to love myself and that took longer than I'd hoped. Along the way I had a very successful career and a wonderful daughter. And also two short marriages. When the last one walked out I realized that I would never again allow someone to complain about a mess they'd made and I hadn't cleaned up. I would never again modify my wants and needs and pleasures to fit with someone who didn't value me as I deserved to be valued. I miss being in love -- but having really never had what I would consider a healthy, loving relationship with someone else, I'll settle for a loving relationship with myself. At my age it's highly unlikely I will ever be in another relationship which sometimes makes me sad. But on the other hand I love being able to plan for myself, be as messy as I wish, stay up all night and sleep all day, let the dog on the furniture, and drink champagne whenever I want. I feel sorry for the men who didn't realize or recognize all I have to offer. But it's their loss. I have a wonderful life.

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I’ve been single, both happily and not for as long as anyone here id wager. At first, and I’d say about half the time overall, I’ve been able to look on the bright side and enjoy my freedom, but increasingly the unhappy aspects have been tormenting me with thoughts like “what if it’s always going to be this way?” Or “by the time you find a partner you’ll be too old to enjoy it.” I enjoy doing what I want, when I want and spending my money on delicious food and herb; I miss having a female best friend, a family, any sense of domesticity, intimacy, normalcy, or help in my life. Still haven’t entirely learned to love myself when no one else does to be honest. The isolation has beaten a lot of imagination, hopes and dreams out of me but it hasn’t hardened my heart yet. I still tend to fall in love too quickly to my own peril, but I’d rather be the open hearted lonely fool than the ingrateful, emotionally unavailable sort of guy that seems to get endless chances to disappoint women. Everyone should spend a few years single to figure out who they are, but when those few years turn into a decade + it kinda sucks, not gonna lie.

What are you waiting on brother?

@RoadGoddess so are you a traveling sales professional? Just curious. There are lots of ways to be lonely. I never found that marriage alone changed that. I think a lot of it is what is in us...

Oh ignore that you are a cyclist and writing instructor. I misunderstood

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess ...you are so right, I have been working on it for years. I make slow progress.....I was certain decades ago, if but I believed in god, I would feel different. Thats funny. I may not figure it our, but will continue the journey. I think many people blame their spouses for their not being fulfilled. Its all inside.

Thank you for writing.

@Bigwavedave I’m waiting on someone to feel half as fondly toward me as I do her. No luck so far but can’t force it. I’m just naturally shy, don’t meet single women very often, there’s very few rational people in my area to begin with and I spent most of the last decade tryin to take care of my grandma. Now I’m restoring a zombie house that my dad wrecked. So yeah not many things in my life have favored making a great impression when trying to bring a lady into it.

@Wurlitzer I understand ...maybe a suggestion is to allot time to meeting people....maybe all your time has been spent on projects and others . Probably because its safer there. If you see some seeds out there , I believe stuff will grow.

Sounds honest and thoughtful.

I'd wager I have a few more decades of living alone under my belt (with the exception of almost a decade with a lovely woman I tried (and failed) to save) and have made the following observations:

Only accept someone who equally appreciates your contributions to any relationship.

It is much better to live alone then with someone that is not worth your time.

Living alone (the prospect of) can be a totally acceptable life outcome. I have witnessed many relationships crash and burn and find life for the most part rewarding living alone.

Time is a one way hallway and you can't walk backwards to open the door of opportunity that you have walked past.

On a happy side note: My grandfather after his second wife died found a wonderful woman when he was in his 80's they kissed, held hands, - - kind of like a High School crush. They were both happy. It only ended when her grand children convinced her that she was living in sin because her dead husband would not approve because he was waiting for her in heaven with Jesus.

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I'm pretty happy with being single.

I've learnt that if I can’t find one person to fulfil all my needs it’s quite a good thing to get each of my needs from many different people.

I have a lot of diverse friends of both sexes who I have so much fun with. They all have different likes and dislikes and I call on different friends for different things. It’s not 100% but seems closer than a lot of couples I know.

I feel very lucky to have the friends I have. I have loads of gay friends I go clubbing with. Cultured friends for the Opera, museums etc. Rich friends who’ll take me to fancy restaurants. Clever friends I can put the world to rights with. Informed friends who’ll tell me what’s going on in the world. Geeky friends to talk tech. Nerdy friends to watch Sci-Fi movies with etc. Romantic friends for picnics and stately homes and sexy friends for cuddles and stuff.

If I could find someone who could fulfil all of those things and more… but being a couple is probably more to do with wanting the same things in life etc.

I’m pretty happy with the way things are but I’m always up for adding more people and experiences to my life.

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I would say it goes up and down, I was in a relationship for 6 years before I became single and I decided to travel the world. I made a list of the adventures I had and if anyone wants they can read the list below. But I did it as a single woman. I could have seen times where having a partner along would have been nice. But I enjoyed being single for those years. Now that my direction in life has changed that I no longer want to get out and travel but more start building a family, the idea of single is not ideal.

[wanderlustconsumedher.com]

How did you fund all that travel?

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I'm single but in a relationship whihc is very loose and suits us both we complement each other and care for each other in our own ways .

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Yes, I like being single as I am free from naggings when I do not expect!! My time is my own.Lovely. But I do not mind meeting people of same mindset from time to time.

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I truly value my alone time and my general ability to choose when I am with people or when I am not...This creates issues when dating but I still choose it over a full time relationship, which makes me wriggle away until I feel comfortable again...lol

I was married for 49yrs.My wife passed away in Dec.2017. I wouldn't have mist one day of our life.But I know how you feel about want time for yourself, and have someone to talk to and spend time with them and then, wiggle away.Have no commitments, but be able to enjoy the time your together.You have a great smile.

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Better now alone. You know I do respect and love myself for the first time in a long time. Always worried about other's comfort and well being. Now I'm finally looking out for me. Feels different but good. Yes I missed the tntimacy, companionship, conversations, having children and small things of loving. Holding hands, sharing a tender moment, compairing notes on books, shows and any number of things. But most of all I miss growning children. Just love children. It was the best part of my 3 marriages. I'm superclose with my daughter and cherish everyday I can share with her, her visions, life and loves too. Believe it or not at 66 I want to have another child. Natural or Adopted...But to find the mate who'll complete this family is the biggest challenge. Most people my age just are thorough with having and raising children. So finding a woman who would even consider raising another child is the real obstacle... Who knows...where there is desire there is fulfillment.

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My life is my own. I've tried relationships and realize I'm not cut out for having someone around 24/7 and it seems in my experience, that men get more controlling when they believe they are committed to you. I like shutting my own door behind me and getting the quality alone time I need. I've never been a woman to 'need' a man in my life. Men are only a segment of one's life not the end all be all of it like some women seem to think.

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Having only recently become single for the first time in my adult life. I'd have to say, I don't know. I know what I don't know. And am not too proud to admit it. After my 11 year marriage ended, I expected to stay single for a long time. But, that was extremely short lived. Now, post an almost 8 year relationship, I learning. I had some ideas, and vicarious information from friends. But, not the actual experience. It has pros and cons, like anything in life. Towards the end, my exgf would say I should try being single. And that she knew I'd fall flat on my face. It has been 6 months, and I'm still upright. I could see myself staying single. Or, I can see making a deep and meaningful connection with an amazing, strong, independent, confident woman. One that won't ever need me, but wants me in their life. One that knows I am not responsible for their happiness, but enjoys me contributing to it. I won't settle for less than that. And if I enter another relationship, it will be my last.

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