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Happily single—or not?

I know there are plenty of single people in this community, but I’m curious to know how happy everyone is about being single.
For instance I’m happily single, because I treasure my time alone and my freedom. However, I sometimes miss having a partner to share my day with.
What do you like/not like about being single?

RoadGoddess 7 Jan 19

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81 comments

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1

I’ve been single, both happily and not for as long as anyone here id wager. At first, and I’d say about half the time overall, I’ve been able to look on the bright side and enjoy my freedom, but increasingly the unhappy aspects have been tormenting me with thoughts like “what if it’s always going to be this way?” Or “by the time you find a partner you’ll be too old to enjoy it.” I enjoy doing what I want, when I want and spending my money on delicious food and herb; I miss having a female best friend, a family, any sense of domesticity, intimacy, normalcy, or help in my life. Still haven’t entirely learned to love myself when no one else does to be honest. The isolation has beaten a lot of imagination, hopes and dreams out of me but it hasn’t hardened my heart yet. I still tend to fall in love too quickly to my own peril, but I’d rather be the open hearted lonely fool than the ingrateful, emotionally unavailable sort of guy that seems to get endless chances to disappoint women. Everyone should spend a few years single to figure out who they are, but when those few years turn into a decade + it kinda sucks, not gonna lie.

What are you waiting on brother?

@RoadGoddess so are you a traveling sales professional? Just curious. There are lots of ways to be lonely. I never found that marriage alone changed that. I think a lot of it is what is in us...

Oh ignore that you are a cyclist and writing instructor. I misunderstood

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess ...you are so right, I have been working on it for years. I make slow progress.....I was certain decades ago, if but I believed in god, I would feel different. Thats funny. I may not figure it our, but will continue the journey. I think many people blame their spouses for their not being fulfilled. Its all inside.

Thank you for writing.

@Bigwavedave I’m waiting on someone to feel half as fondly toward me as I do her. No luck so far but can’t force it. I’m just naturally shy, don’t meet single women very often, there’s very few rational people in my area to begin with and I spent most of the last decade tryin to take care of my grandma. Now I’m restoring a zombie house that my dad wrecked. So yeah not many things in my life have favored making a great impression when trying to bring a lady into it.

@Wurlitzer I understand ...maybe a suggestion is to allot time to meeting people....maybe all your time has been spent on projects and others . Probably because its safer there. If you see some seeds out there , I believe stuff will grow.

Sounds honest and thoughtful.

I'd wager I have a few more decades of living alone under my belt (with the exception of almost a decade with a lovely woman I tried (and failed) to save) and have made the following observations:

Only accept someone who equally appreciates your contributions to any relationship.

It is much better to live alone then with someone that is not worth your time.

Living alone (the prospect of) can be a totally acceptable life outcome. I have witnessed many relationships crash and burn and find life for the most part rewarding living alone.

Time is a one way hallway and you can't walk backwards to open the door of opportunity that you have walked past.

On a happy side note: My grandfather after his second wife died found a wonderful woman when he was in his 80's they kissed, held hands, - - kind of like a High School crush. They were both happy. It only ended when her grand children convinced her that she was living in sin because her dead husband would not approve because he was waiting for her in heaven with Jesus.

0

I also treasure my time alone and my freedom but hate feeling lonely, perhaps because my cat and dog don't speak English. One's Spanish/Mexican(Chihuahua) and the other was feral so she may never speak. 😮

This may come off wrong no matter how I try to say it, but I miss having someone to share the burden with. With my ex I thought I shouldered her burden well because her's was easier on me than it was on her and I hoped she could shoulder part of mine that was easier for her than me. Ultimately I was proven wrong after 9 years(different rant) but I honestly feel we cannot go through life utterly alone.

Despite my introversion I see the value in teamwork, groups and life partners. Being single and alone I feel the weight of everything I am not pressing down on me and wish there was someone that was those things could help me and maybe they lacked those things that I am so that I could help them too...

I've heard from someone I dated that she learned not to need anyone to complete her, and I get that, but I think maybe what I feel is different, I am me 100% and don't need anyone to make me a better more whole/complete me, but even me at 100% is not able to get through this cruel world alone.

@SilverDollarJedi, agreed, and maybe I need some rephrasing in my initial comment but I feel like you get it. I can do it alone, but it sucks major ass to do so and a lot seems like it gets compromised in the process which raises the question; did I really do it alone? Having someone to help ease all that is really just a bonus.

@SilverDollarJedi, you have so much in that comment that I just picked and responded to what stood out for me tonight;

"If I am correct you are saying is success really success if you have no one to share it with?"

No I meant more like; I am the CEO of a company but no wife, had I married I might have been the jazz musician I always wanted to be.
In that example I succeeded 'relatively' speaking, but I did not succeed because I lacked the support to get there.

"That sounds selfish but I have had a lot of people in intimate relationships waste my time and energy in ways that were not fair and I simply won't let that happen anymore because my time and effort is too valuable to me."

Not selfish from my perspective because I feel the same with my last relationship, in hindsight of course, but now I am in a situation that perhaps a better partner would help me get to where I really want to be and not where I am heading just because alone it is within my means and power. (May be a bad analogy but I need a pack mule to ease a burden I find exhausting but they scoff at the weight of it, and in return I'd be their mule with a burden I find negligible as well but to them was unbearable)

"People wait until 2 months into a relationship that they have this or that problem with something you do or a belief you have, and then they expect you to sacrifice part of yourself to fit their personal needs."

For me that happened at 9 years and not 2 months so I feel I have a lot of wasted time with the wrong person, but then on reflection it was because that's who I was(perhaps still am)

"I will not try to change that person or persuade them"

Sadly, and you probably experienced this, it almost seems like people want you to try and change them or something. I encouraged and supported my ex without trying to change her but still she left me for someone who by her friends was trash, my own opinion is far worse but I try to be kind...

19

I've enjoyed being single for going on 5 years now. I got to know myself really well, focus on things I want to do and be, and haven't had to argue or worry about or be questioned by another person, and vice versa. The bed is ALL MINE. I can watch or do whatever I want any time without friction. And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured.
That being said, it's a very selfish life I now live. I find it hard to make room for someone else, and in fact feel burdened by people in my space. I want this to change. I need to demolish this wall I have built but can not figure out how to do it. I trust no one. It feels like men don't want to get to know and build friendship and partnerships with women anymore. There's too much hook up factor and I am nobody's booty call.
I want to love someone again, and I want to be loved. But I have had this chance to realize what I really want, and I'm starting to lose faith it exists. I have a hard exterior and even if I dig you, I won't let it show.. I didn't used to be that way at all.
Anyway, point is, yes single is (was) great, but like some of the other commenters have said, it would be nice to share life's burdens with someone else. Even if that burden is just that I am freezing my ass off and I need snuggles to keep warm. Life is lonely enough without shutting everyone out, I am beginning to understand.. It's a high mountain to climb, and when you climb alone, it can be very lonely.
Over and out 😛

Well said MM. Well defined. I guess we know when it's time to give it up. For me, I definitely have the selfish thing going. Divorced 3 years ago. Been in relationships steady for about 25 years. Working my ass off to carry the load in 2 marriages. You lose yourself.
This whole selfishness thing still fits me.

@MiniMags I have this house to myself and I've invited only about 25 people to it in the last 18 years (excluding workers). I love my freedom, privacy, solitude, etc, and I never feel lonely (though I know I'm alone). I DO get out of the house a lot for many different events. Yes, it's selfish, but I'm willing to share with a compatible woman-partner.

I don't have the trust issues you expressed, and I'm really sorry you have them. Skepticism and being careful, yes. But if you like someone, I think you need to allow him to know it somehow = maybe even at the end of a date telling him that you'd like to see him again? But don't wait for that phone call - SO many people aren't honest/forthright back. But you'll get that call from one of them.

"And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured." @minimags

This. This right here. I am still healing. Not sure what or where I want to be, so I still am healing. But this last 4 years has been the refiners flame, and in hindsight nothing better could have happened.

very honest and vulnerable answer. I think I would have said much the same. Love the freedom, but miss the company. Melissa Etheridge- "Company" is perfect.

Sometimes you simply have to face your fears and anxiety to get past them.

1

I love not paying for his necessities. I also love being alone to do what I want. I love no one telling me what to do, say, and what not to wear. I love them not constantly asking what food I am eating at their house, (my food I brought) not having them not me where I'm going (the bathroom!), how much money do I have, etc...

good for you right on!

@jacpod Thanks.

1

You can be as lonely in a marriage as you can be when you are single... eh? I think that's just part of the equation. .

I was much lonlier married than I am now.

@Minta79 That is a common observation I have heard from many women who were married to an inferior partner.

@NoMagicCookie lol arent you a charmer....

3

Hell yeah! Okay, I guess I should elaborate a little. I revel in having my own space, and never being asked, "what's for dinner?", "where's
the (insert any item here)?".
Being in a relationship does have it's upside, but having been single for as long as I have been now, I'm reluctant to invest in what
usually turns out to be an exercise in disappointment. Perhaps I've become cynical, but I'm at the point where I'm happier living my own life and making my own choices without having to consider how someone else is going to react to what I choose to do.
That might make me selfish, but I think I've earned the right. I might be alone, but I am hardly ever lonely. Besides, who needs to be
lonely when I've got all you crazy fuckers to keep me entertained?

0

I've been alone for longer than I'd like.
I'm hoping I can get back out there in the near future.

@RoadGoddess Thanks. 🙂

0

I have a friend that we were an item at one time over 8 years together including living together but been over 8 years since. While in Maryland/DC area... we go on friends dates. I may stay on her house, we go dinner, dancing and movies and some phone time but neither of us live on the phone. Once she start talking about her daily routine and the events of the day or evening. I feel like I don't need to hear all details. Just give me the end result. We do argue as couples still. And for each is the last serious relation. But does reminds me just because happens like that with her does not means that I won't find someone that I will find interesting every moment I am not a witness. So I love loneliness and being alone. I write, I create when lonely. It is my natural state even if I love cuddling and romance of one is not that romantic at all. It is a matter of finding the Right Person, that Unique Person that makes you jump that leap of faith into the abyss... Collective Freedom is the best freedom there is because you have a witness to validate your happiness. A witness to your life is the holy grail I seek but not every grail is holy to my heart.

@RoadGoddess From the moment we left the womb... is all about freedom since they cut the cord.

19

I miss the intimacy, the sex and having someone to share with.

1

It's tough to narrow it down but I tend to be a light sleeper and I enjoy going to sleep and waking up whenever I'm rested rather than when someone else is stirring. Sleep is precious 🙂

5

I'm happy being single...but I could be happier if I had that special someone. What I miss most is cooking for two...I get so lazy about cooking for one. I miss getting foot rubs and giving long massages.

Nena Level 6 Jan 19, 2018
0

Hi roadgoddess ( like your name) I truly belive being single and happy is a sign of personal growth , strength and acceptance in you are you and not to be manipulated or controlled by a dominating control freak partner. I’m told there is someone for everyone, maybe there is. I’ve walked down the isle, among other major mistakes in my life. Truly though, being single is hand down better than a partner whose wrong for you. I hope to meet “ a soul mate” but am not holding my breath. If you are happy single. Then don’t settle for mr wrong. Stay happy. And keep your batteries handy lol.

0

I like the independence, lack of the need to compromise and the absence of emotional drama. I miss the sex, intimacy, the regular adult conversation, mutual emotional support, the presence of another person sharing my life...
Happily single? Some times. Sometimes not. I’d like to have both, but I don’t think it’s possible.

0

There are many things I like about being single, which has been by choice over the last 7 years. The pros far outweigh the cons. But when I was in a relationship, I did enjoy having that one special person in my life. However, in my experience, I found that eventually (after the honeymoon period), my partners wanted a mother and a maid rather than a lover and best friend. Probably a cultural thing (Bible Belt). While I do like being a "domestic goddess" (making a home warm), I'm over being "the help".

2

Pretty happily single. 🙂 I do believe I work better in a relationship, when I am in one, but I am also equally content to be alone. I rather enjoy my own company and I keep myself pretty busy so I feel I do not want for anything, even as a singleton. I am a-okay either way. 😉

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
1

I just broke up with girlfriend last weekend. Because I want to be single? Probably more like seeking something better.....a better fit. If I never find her, I'm OK with that.
Anyway, i didn't see a future with her and the Thrill Was Gone.....so much for the present.

But this breaking up thing gets old. Either I'm dumping, or getting ignored.

Honestly.......I'd like to try a celibate relationship. Get to know each other. Set some boundaries. Become friends 1st. Romance. Sweetness. ......That'd be different.

Yes.....I'm looking for something new.

Why did I share all that?

twill Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
0

I miss the sex every morning and night, but that quickly faded after a year. I think it may be impossible for me to find a girl that can keep up and not need cuddles all the time, I can’t stand laying in bed doing nothing, wake up and move.

1

I've been a widower for 2 years and I really miss everything about her. Making love whenever we wanted, we were very compatible in that way. Being able to talk things over and share each others thoughts and ideas. Being able to touch one another and I loved walking up to her and putting my arms around her and kissing her on her neck. We were sensual, sexual, and very much in love even after 49 years. When we were apart I would hurry to wherever she was because I couldn't wait to see her. And it was still exciting when I did see her. I think that is what love is all about. I miss her but I have to go on and that is what she would have wanted. I still have lots of love and passion and would like to share it with the right woman. Happily single? Everyone has made very relevant points about being happily single however I think it would be hard to say no if the right one comes into your life.

0

About the same really. Generally quite a happy person single or otherwise. I sometimes miss being able to share things but there are plenty of advantages to being onyour own.

These days I compromise by keeping my partner locked up in a cupboard.... 🙂 just kidding, honest!

0

I can look after myself fine but find the single life wearisome and joyless. It is not mainly about not having anybody to fall back on (though as all my relatives except my son are long dead that is a nuisance), it is more about not having anyone to share the good bits with. Cooking a fantastic meal when you don't get to share it with good company is just not the same, and as I told a psychologist once "Sex is much better with someone else in the room." (poor woman almost had a heart attack.)

Kimba Level 7 Jan 20, 2018
0

I’m not a fan. I was married for 5 years, and it was, at least for me, a good marriage. We talked almost every day, and not just about how our day was, but about every aspect of life, every thought we had. We always talked out our issues and made sure to let the other person know how special they were to us. Looking back, I might have idealized it all, and in reality, we were holding each other back. She never got to live a certain life because she was a Christian (we both were before our marriage, but we talked each other out of it), and I can now live healthy, waste as little as is feasible for me, and try to make the biggest impact I can on humanity in improving well-being through a lot of scheduling and hard, mostly unpaid, work. And when I accomplish a goal related to my plans, in those moments, it’s worth it. Most people aren’t about this life, so single is the default position for me. Still, I would trade it for what I had before, and I know because I almost did, but luckily (or not) the decision wasn’t in my hands.

But I see some relationships, and I’m like “goddamn, being single isn’t THAT bad.”

0

Both, actually. I suddenly found myself single seven years ago at the death of my wife, so this situation was not my choice. However, over that seven years, I have not only become accustomed to the freedom my single status affords, but I've come to embrace it. Sure, I wouldn't mind a traveling buddy for my road trips, and getting laid occasionally might be nice, but I wonder if it's worth giving up the freedom. The hole in my life has a specific shape to it, it seems.

0

A lot of you have said you're happy being single. does that really mean you've simply embraced it as a life-style? happier single than with a companion who cares for and about you? closing your heart to possibilities? is there room in your life for dating while giving each other a lot of space? without living together?

0

I don't miss drama, fights, and misunderstandings, unfulfilled expectations. I miss having someone a partner in crime and a confidant. I hate sleeping alone. I hate cooking for one and eating out alone. I refuse to go to the movie theater solo so I miss a lot of movies

0

I miss having someone to do things with.
To teach me stuff, to learn my stuff.
I miss having someone to pamper.
To take care of me, and I to pamper them.

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