Agnostic.com

15 21

It has been weighing on me heavily, this last debate I was a part of here, in regards to the thread about the footer at Agnostic.com and how it misrepresents Agnostics, like myself.

I said some rather nasty things to a few people here after I felt I was cornered and badgered to the pissed off point. This is not how I like to become. It isn't an accurate representation of me, as a person, on a whole, and some evidence to prove that point could even be this posting in and of itself.

I feel guilty for having lost my cool. I was disappointed in myself that I allowed my own emotions to get the better of me. I lost my self control and I regret that. I feel terrible for the things I said to a couple of people, even if I was irritated and flustered, it was still uncalled for. I know better. I expect More of myself because I Know I'm better than that.

So if I did offend Anyone, I would like to say Publicly, here and now, that I am profusely sorry for my behaviour and it will never happen again.

I might tease people in a playful manner or I may be sarcastic, but that's just me being funny. I enjoy dry humor and self deprecating humor and I practice in that particular art frequently, but I Never Ever wish to Honestly hurt others. That's the Last Thing I would wish to do. I am not hostile person by nature. I'm actually a big softie, to be honest. I could be a pushover if I weren't intelligent, but often times apathy gets the better of me, as does compassion.

I truly have felt badly over all of this. I felt the best way to deal with it would be to address it head on and to apologize because it's warranted. I felt it necessary, for myself, because I did something inappropriate, wrong. I'm Never too proud to take responsibility for my own unsavory behaviour and to give a heart felt apology. I made a mistake.

I hope in the future we can continue to have Healthy discourse and that, together, as a community, we can grow, rather than self destruct. I promise to do my best to always remain a Positive member at this site and not a bully dickhead. It was Never my intension.

That's it. -Ari

Sadoi 7 Jan 21

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15 comments

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1

Forgiven! Much love for your humility and candor

Thank you πŸ™‚

1

I would like to say, that I was not part of the post that you referred to, but you sounded a little hard on yourself! Learning curves are hard...no matter what they cover. I would not 'judge' you so harshly...mainly because, I once stood in your footsteps! Without, experience, I know of few people who made a lot of progress in their spiritual/emotional/intellectual growth! This is not something that we get from textbooks! Sure, once-up-on-a-time, harsh words stung me deeply! But, as I grew, I understood the reasons behind them, and I try to allow another person to 'come from his real' position. That is where we all need to correct ourself...from! And, I don't think that I would 'write it in stone'...that you 'would never do it again.' You may not need to be perfect, on the forum! I sure hope that I don't?!? My best to you.

I felt it was necessary because of my own personal standards. I rarely do what I did there, on that post, Because I know better. For those reasons, alone, it was an exercise that had to be done. I needed to Remind myself that these are the reasons I do not behave in this way. I am old enough to know better. I've lived a pretty fast and hard life. I have always been an accelerated person, so I have high expecations for myself. My grandfather was the best human being I have ever known, he was my Mr. Miyagi, my Yoda, my Dalai Lama... and he would have been disappointed in my reactions in that thread. I look and gauge All the steps I take, All my reactions in life, because I Do Believe they culminate somewhere down the line in a karmic sort of way, and they Will find me, and I weight those things against the people I have loved the most, who have passed away, would They be proud of me...? Or ashamed and disappointed in me? When I Understood that Answer to that question for myself, "Yes, the would be disappointed." I knew what had to be done.

I needed to apologize. I needed to do it in a public format. I needed to admit it, in the open. Others saw what I did. They read my words. It was Already out there. I had already done things, said things, irreversible things...things I Needed to take responsibility for. I could have ignored it. Pretended it away. Ran from it even. But I would Still know the truth and the shame in my behaviour.

For me, the only way to purge those feelings is to Admit them, first and foremost, to Give credit to those I harmed, to Take responsibility for what I have done, to Apologize because I Know I was Wrong... and to hope I will be forgiven. You Know when someone Truly apologizes to you from their heart. Doing it public, it puts my heart on my sleeve, like I Hope it ALWAYS remains. I don't want to be a hard, mean person. It is beneath me. I am better than that.

The people I may have harmed didn't deserve that. They deserved an apology. A real apology. They deserved to read the words that I Got the Lesson, that I learned. When I say I will not do it again, I won't. I will Not attack anyone in that fashion Again. It wasn't very mature.

I am not attempting to flog myself. I am attempting to Teach myself, to Better myself. I represent the people I have lost. My life is not my own. It belongs as much to my grandfather, my grandmother, my father, my brother, all my kindreds, my brothers and sisters by choice, all the ones who have died, I owe it to them too, to live a Life they would Also be proud of. I believe This Life Counts. If it Is all we have, why do it fucked up and half assed IF YOU have the potential to do it Better? The best you could?

Part of Being the Best you can be is Also stepping back when you fuck up and saying, "Hey, everybody, I just fucked up." It isn't to shame myself. It is to be responsible for my actions, my reactions... they Count too. And having the wherewithall to Know this is warranted helps to make me a better, more refined version of myself.

This isn't who I am. Yesterday. That isn't me. Well, it is me, but it is part of me that needs to grow the fuck up. Get it In Check. Learn the Lesson. For me, this is how I live my life. It has evolved to this over a long period of years. It works for me. It keeps me... honest. It teaches me Not to run from my mistakes. It teaches me to Clean my hands once I soil them. I don't just slam the Door and ignore my mistakes. I take them on, head on, and I Deal with them.

That Is what an adult is Supposed to do. I Am an adult. No freebies. Especially for myself To myself. How else can I be authentic and Real, true with anyone else in my life If I cannot be Honest with myself, first and foremost?? I cannot allow myself free passes on bad behaviours. I Must educate myself as much as I take education from any other source. Too many people Allow themselves Free Passes in their lives. And what are their lives like? A freakin mess! Like a cat unravelled yarn all over their world and then just left it. It will take Yeaars to go back over that disaster in order to clean that life back up again.

So for me, Fix it now. Deal with it Now. There is no time in the future. We are Promised No future. You do it Today. You start Immediately. You don't wait. Then your Life stays in order. You make mistakes. You deal with them. You try to fix it. You can only do so much. All I can do is apologize. It is the Most I can give, but it means something. I meant it. I don't wait.

I guess... thats everything.

WOW...that is a lot!!! I do get your 'regret' and wanting to make amends. Most admirable! But, I believe that you are in a 'forever' uphill climb, if you are living your life, for your dead or alive 'people'...' each of whom had/have different ideas about who you were/are! I can't imagine one of them wanting you to life a life that would be to please them! (By the way, none of them would have been perfect, but according to your assessment they must have had integrity) They would want you to be yourself and learn from your mistakes and JUST become even more of who YOU are! That is major job in it's self, for each of us...no less, attempting to measure up to 'dead' people (or even the living)! ...I'm just saying!! If you can take it further...I applaud you!!

@Freedompath actually, i sort of tried to answer all the quesions on this tread, but in one response so as to not repeat myself with each individual response. hahaha! looks like that idea hasn't really works. suppose i will have to respond individually later tody. lol

2

" I'm sorry you require an apology" - Rick Sanchez seriously though this is awesome. I'm not one to apologize unless I did something really shitty....which does happen from time to time πŸ™‚

1

You are awesome and brave to do this, apology accepted even though I didn't know what you are apologising for.I share some of the description in this post. We have something in common.

1

thanks, i don't think we butted heads . but thanks for being an adult and owning up to what ever you did. i get irritated as well when people ad too or make up stuff about what an atheist is as well. nobody likes being told they are something they are not.

2

We'll done for apologizing. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Don't say you'll never to it again, though. That's a tall order to fill. You lost your shit and lashed out. We all do. I could go into the psychology of it, but I don't have time at the moment lol, but suffice it to say that your public apology says more for your level personal growth and your sanity. Healing begins with recognition of issues and appropriate actions to correct those issues. We'll done, you! Now go be nice, and snark no more!

2

Apology accepted? hehe...no, I don't think you're referring to me. Hope not, anyway!

I've experienced much the same, so much when I first came to the site I thought of leaving: being told what words I could use here or ANYWHERE, explained incessantly how I was already an atheist, being recruited to an atheist church bombing squad, how an atheist "lawyer" was preparing a defense...not for the bombers but for atheism as an ideology...

I however remain unapologetic. I came here hoping for a united front of unbelievers and I have found it, including you, in those who are far more interested in assisting newcomers in their transition than debating...attacking them for whatever minor differences in beliefs they may have, usually those no one can definitively have the answers.

I remain a positive member and a positive person. I avoid negativity and seek unity in our diversity. If I enter a debate it is of special interest to me and I come prepared with supportive facts or at least a well formulated opinion in the absence of the facts, fully understanding any debate is futile with someone presenting opinions as facts.

For those, if they are too hostile or persistent, I report. There are a lot of people, some of our most "verbal", who should not be the first the new nonbeliever or fence rider should be exposed to...but usually they are.

As I see it we have far more pressing political, social and ethical issues than to debate, and attack, incessantly over questions none of us as "mere mortals" can possibly answer.

7

I believe we all have triggers. Even the kindest of us.... the difference with us is this right here. Self reflection and awareness coupled with an ability to apologize and own our part in things. Bravo!!

I too am not privy to the thread that prompted this acknowledgement and apology, but thank you nonetheless.

I consider myself a person who also strives for kindness at all times. But sometimes I feel things I keep to myself. And occasionally I can be pushed to resemble someone I do not know. We are human.

None of us are perfect. Except the Lord Jesus. Little eight pound baby Jesus is my favorite....JUST KIDDING!! Trying for a laugh in a serious situation.... haha. I promise I'm not a troll.... couldn't help myself.

Now I get to apologize. Shit.

3

I am not aware of Your outbursts, but This letter represents someone that I will admire and have a great RESPECT for.

2

Hey, I like β€œbully dickheads” occasionally. It’s only with mistakes that you learn. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not sure just what you said and to whom, but I’m happy to see you return to the gang, band, group, crowd, pack, throng, swarm, cluster, crew but not fold. None of us are sheep here.

2

Do not recall this think all of you. You have been kind to me in every conversation. I think that you are incredible. Do not think anyone here would judge a mistake anyway. Just because there are so many intelligent people here they are most any look for solution to help to correct instead of judge.

2

I did not read your post, however, there have been moments when even the 'coolest people' Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and many others have lost their cool because they feel/felt passionate about certain issues.

7

I am not familiar with the discussion. I would just like to say it looks very much like you are HUMAN.

2

You are a Human Being... humans are full of emotions waiting to come out. I at times when confronted I snap back specially if the individual is trying to convince me to change my ways. I am set on my ways and I like who and what I am. It takes Guts to apologize publicly (if only our politician will have that in them!). Don't know the specific details but it doesn't matter to me... you did what you thought was right at this moment and that is enough for me. Be Well Princess!!! Should be water under the bridge.

2

Great... @sadoi this needs lot of courage. Respect

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