Personally, I don't believe monogamy is natural behavior.

However, if you promise someone else that you will remain faithful to them for the rest of your life, then you had damned well better keep your word. If you want to be with someone else sexually, or emotionally, you need to end the relationship BEFORE you do anything.
Otherwise, you are nothing but a lying cheat, and an awful person.
I don't care how you try to justify your behavior. You don't promise someone else you are going to do one thing, and then turn around and do the opposite when it suits you.

If you know you can't uphold your vows, don't fucking get married.
Don't try to rationalize bad behavior because your partner has problems.
Get some balls, or ovaries, and end the marriage, or relationship, before you seek your own gratification elsewhere.

Have some fucking integrity.

Btw, just going on what you have posted previously (some of us actually do pay attention to previous posts), you are trying to make yourself more attractive to this man by telling him about your "clause", because you want him. You need to stop and examine your motivations before you go any farther. You also need to make a REAL effort to put yourself in his wife's place for just a damned minute.
HOW would YOU feel if some woman was saying shit to make herself more appealing to YOUR husband? How would YOU feel if your health issues (which you didn't ask for and never planned for) rendered you unable to engage in sexual activity, or disinterested in sex? Would you be "fine" with some woman sympathizing with him?

Stop trying to justify your behavior just because you want someone else's husband. Oh, and one really important thing to keep in mind.
If he's willing to be unfaithful to her with anyone else (including you), what makes you think he wouldn't do the SAME thing to you, IF you ended up with him?
Knock it off. You're better than this. And if you don't think you are, don't bitch when it comes back to bite you. And it WILL come back to bite you. It ALWAYS comes back to bite you.

The guy and his wife need to talk about it. If he wants to stay married to her, but isn't satisfied with their sex life (or the lack thereof), he needs to have a conversation with her about it, let her know how he's feeling, and ask if she'd be comfortable with him having another partner outside the marriage. He needs to give her time to think about it, time to think about her response, and not act out until he hears back from her and they've had a chance to talk it over. Maybe she'll be ok with it and things will work out, as long as they keep the lines of communication open. I've never seen an open relationship work if the partners are secretive or emotionally dishonest about anything. For example, if he starts developing feelings for his sexual partner outside the marriage, he needs to be honest about that with his wife right away. She needs to be able to consider her feelings about what's going on and whether she's ok with her husband continuing or if she wants to end the relationship. Or maybe she's not ok with an open relationship to begin with, so after he discusses it with her, she suggests ending the marriage. He needs to be ok with that, or sacrificing his sexual needs in order to stay in the marriage. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, so to speak, without some conversation about the cake.

Each committed romantic relationship is unique with different needs, wants, expectations, and history. Although your philosophy sounds altruistic, the reality may be very different for some as it is not possible to predict the long term emotional and psychological impact it may have on each person and the relationship. Trust is an integral ingredient in relationships and the possibility of eroding that trust could be high causing irreparable harm.

I think if it were my friend, I would have suggested that he speak with his wife and ask her if there may be a way they could share intimacy and satisfy his need without causing her harm.

I agree with you. Sex and affection are basic human needs. If I couldn’t fulfill those needs for my partner, I would absolutely give permission for them to seek that out with someone else.
The thing that stands out in your post is the fact that he’s not even getting basic affection. That’s very sad.

I think this is one of those ideas that sounds really good - in theory. But ends up horribly most of the time. If you and your partner love each other very much, but he/she feels they are not getting enough sex - how do you wrap your head around the idea that this person you love is sharing some of their most intimate moments with someone other than you? Knowing the types of encounters you two have shared - and then seeing him/her doing all of that with someone else (in your head) - and the "pillow talk" afterwards -- wouldn't that eventually drive you just a little bit nuts? I am really fascinated by the ability to "disengage" emotionally like that. I've always thought that those open relationships were sort of like playing sexual Russian Roulette. You might do it successfully many times but eventually you're gonna end up with someone who makes you forget about the one you have at home. Which begs the question: was this marriage destined to come to an end anyway?

If that wasn't agreed upon at the beginning, the man needs to communicate with his wife about his "needs." (Men "needing an outlet" is total myth. Honest men will say they want sex. They are not going to burst, commit crimes, or become physically impaired in any way just because they're not getting any.) During the communication on this subject that he should be having with his wife, the two of them together can conclude whether there is a way to compromise on the issue, or whether the marriage should continue or end, or if extramarital sex is acceptable, based upon his complaint. If the mutual decision is to end the marriage or permit extramarital sex, then -and only then - should the husband feel free to screw around.

If you are saying this to justify an illicit relationship, then you need to examine that, but to answer your question, sure, have the clause, but know that jealousy will probably still arise. Emotional maturity comes with work and jealousy frequently is one of the most erosive emotions.

I was in his situation. Thing is, I didn't want anyone else, I wanted her to still want me the way I wanted her. It wasn't a health issue in my marriage, but libido issues.

I respected her right to change, but I asked her to go to counseling with me to talk about it. She didn't even reply with yes or no. That's when I knew there was something really wrong with the marriage itself. We had different intimacy needs. The honest thing to do was get divorced.

I feel sorry for people Appointed to 'service' an unhappy spouse. My general rule of life is if it sounds like a simple fix, you haven't thought about how complex and emotional this triangle can be.

If they are monogamous, and the problem is simply sexual satisfaction due to unresolvable health problems, I would discuss hiring a sex worker with my partner. Having another relationship outside of your monogamous marriage is wrong. If you have the romantic and emotional connection you need, why would you consider a new relationship. Rather than use other woman to satisfy himself sexually, hire a sex worker who is not expecting more from the encounter. Otherwise they need to have a conversation about having a poly relationship or ethical non monogamy. In which case, your friend needs to be ok with his wife also pursuing other relationships. I can sympathize with how difficult the situation must be. As their friend I would suggest to them, finding a counselor who understands ethical non-monogamy and can talk them through what seems to be a really difficult situation.

I think he & his wife Could work something out with the aid of counseling, IF (BIG IF) he is actually being truthful about things with you (married predators are quite good at spinning these tales, you know?) What does the wife say...oh, wait, I got $20 says you haven't heard any of this from her, not one peep.
You are not a licensed sex worker are you? And a counselor for them Both would be absolutely necessary before they went that route!
If not, you are setting yourself up to be Big-time hurt here! Butt out!

This sounds like a minefield...for what its worth here is my thought path.
From what you indicate it leads me to think A) the condition is getting progressively worse...B)if so what is the prognosis...C)is it terminal and if so what is the timeframe?
D) if it is not terminal what is the timeframe for recovery?

If it is terminal and the timeframe is relatively short he needs to obviously stay by her side and care for her...itsnthe "sickness and health clause"
If it is not terminal and will improve ... Again the "sickness and health clause"
If it is not terminal and will improve why has she shut herself off emotionally?...sounds to me like there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed in which case some counseling may be needed quickly...and I would suggest this option regardless of what the prognosis is.
It could also be a physiological issue that she is dealing with. In either case if he loves her he needs to fight for her.

If he fails to do so regardless of the prognosis he will have to live with his decision for the rest of his life and if she lives she will have to live with this also.

Her health issues sound very serious from what you indicated and as such it sounds somewhat selfish on his part...asking for her permission to seek out a paramour at this stage of the game seems cruel.

This is based on the information you provided ... Hope this helps.

sounds logical in principal but a shit storm of seething resentment in reality people in general would just get too bogged down with the act and end up using it as a weapon its a rare couple that can switch of jealousy even polyamorous couples have to deal with feelings of jealousy and mistrust and they are generally better prepared for this kind of setup than your regular couples

I think that if your friend isn't even getting affection, there are more than health reasons preventing his wife from having sex with him.

Personally I think humanity will look back at our insistence on default absolute monogomy as a kind of dark age. Your friend should ask for permission. It’s hard to do because it’s so baked into our heads. Question is: what happens when the answer is no?

I'm an ethical non-monogamist, even though I only have one partner right now. I find it to be completely bizarre to believe anyone can consistently take care of all my needs emotionally, partly because I'm fairly aware that I'm at least a little batshit. She feels the same way about herself, so we provide each other with a stable, huge amount of love, care, and help each other with our life goals, while still being free to find more whom we love as well. One of the more important rules for us has been the partner can override any choice of other partner, saying no. The reason for that is it's very easy for us to fall in love (think Hosier's song Someone New), and if that happens, it's pretty much impossible to see all the problems and difficulties a person is creating, either for the partner saying no or for our relationship as a whole. I've only ever had to use that rule once, but it worked well, and I can say my partner is much happier for it.

I do not know if I agree with the sentiment that "loving someone means ensuring their happiness above yours". Also, I would be paranoid the guy would get an STD/STI and infect us both. I guess he could get a sex doll or sex robot (if affordable) to meet those needs. heh

I think your providing your spouse with permission to seek sensual and sexual satisfaction outside your marriage if you are unable to provide for their needs is a caring and loving plan. It takes an unselfish person to do that.

Why is he telling you this? Just as a friend and looking for advice? Or as a 'friend' hoping you will oblige him in relieving his sexual frustration? I admire your philosophy in that this is what you would do in the same situation, but until you have the experience of marriage and the love that goes along with that commitment, its hard to know if this arrangement would work for you, and others, in reality.

When you really hit that point in a marriage, and I have, you find your thoughts are not as they are when you are not there. My ex went through Chemo and radiation and with that lost her personality. She was a different person and just hated sex. She used to be a wonderful partner and in the bedroom she was my other half. We loved each other very much. After a couple years of NO sex at all, I had the conversation stating that I would NEVER cheat on my vows and did not expect her to cheat on her feelings so mutually we got a divorce. Then we both felt free to be who we wish to be. I began dating again, having sex again and I still love my ex wife in a very admirable way. I did not need her permission to have sex, I needed my permission and I needed to divorce.

My wife's sex drive can be very variable where as mine is reasonably consistent. There are times where she has zero interest in any kind of sexual contact or intimacy and other times where she can be insatiable to the point that her needs outstrip my ability. As a result, we have and agreement that we can seek solace with others as long as it's done in an open way although there are a number of qualifiers attached. It works in different ways at different times and we need to be sensitive to each others needs and expectations. It's not without difficulty, particularly when it comes to sharing of information as that can bring many issues.

I have seen relationships in both cases where the spouse knows and the spouse doesn't. My opinion, is that secrets act like we3dges that keep people from beign close. Honesty brings people closer together, even if there is sex outside the relationship. It is all a matter of trust ans how secure a person is about their relationship, as to whether or not they cna tolerate or accommodate their partner having sex outside the relationship.

For me, I'd put two conditions. Frist my partner would have to be totally honest with me, and two if we have plans, my partner can't cancel just because the opportunity for sex arises. If my p-artner has sex outside the relationship, they still have to consider me as first and primary. They have to be honest wioth me and respectful of me. Without that, I doubt the relationship could/would survive.

I recommend the book “Opening Up” by Trisin Taormino to anyone considering open marriage.

It is currently referred to as "ethical polyamory". There is a group here for such arrangements. I have asked to be released from my vows & it was granted. It is also referred to as "open marriage". I have not as yet found the dating system to be something I wish to pursue. Here I can be friends with people without the burden of a sexual context. Whew.

I personally know of two couples who have that exact arrangement (due to health issues) . It works for them..