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As atheists, how do you feel about fidelity, within a marriage or a long-term relationship?

I've had relatives tell me that atheists can't be trusted in a relationship. (Of course those Baptists also believe atheists can't be trusted with babies!)

I've been an atheist since age 9 and I have always believed in one monogamous relationship at a time with a long break for self-discovery in between relationships.

Francoise 6 Jan 26
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43 comments (26 - 43)

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2

The evidence does not support your relatives. Those famous evangelicals are always in the news for getting caught in extra marital affairs, and there are plenty of non famous ones getting divorced all the time after their infidelities are found out.

2

I stay with people because I want to and that's it.

yes for sure

2

I am very big on loyalty. Even if my partner were unfaithful to me, I would still remain faithful and would either separate or try to work it out. I also know once a cheater always a cheater.

1

As a non-believer who was married for 31 years, I think monogamy and trust have little to do with your superstitions. My born again wife, left to pursue a relationship with another women she had met online. She didn't have the decency to even say goodbye to our daughters or myself. She left like a thief in the night.

1

Marriage is an agreement between 2 people. They decide what it will look like, It has absolutely zero to do with religion. I also hear you can't have morals if you don't believe. From the morals of the religious people I have meet I might not want any

1

I had broadly savoured the delights of the flesh before I got married to my terrific late husband. There was no infidelity in our 35 year marriage. It was a matter of choice and commitment which had nothing to do with our being atheists. If you want to play the field, why marry at all?

1

I live in Waco, Texas, the Home Office of the Baptist Church. They are incredible hypocrites. As an Atheist, and an older person, I believe in the "deal", who brings what to the table, how do we "fit in" with one another. I think they also drink like fish which lowers their inhibitions and they just love to sin and get forgiven time after time.

1

My experience is that human beings aren't exactly a trustworthy lot most of the time.

I certainly don't think atheism is evidence of a cheating heart.

Now psychopathy, narcissism might be a lot better indications than belief systems or unbelief systems.

I don't think monogamy is useful by itself, trust and communication are for more important. Trust and respect leading to monogamy based on mutual agreement is great as is mutual agreement towardd non-monogamy.

Trust and respect your partners,

1

Atheists can't be trusted.. I would never cheat. never. My mom committed suicide while my dad was in a hotel with another woman, I was a teen.
Why can't atheist be trusted?? Because as I Tell my husband, I know where to hide his body and have friends with pig farms...

@Francoise Life is good. I am happily married to a wonderful man who I love and trust we have 6 sons ( 2 from his first and 3 from mine) who are all in their 30's we have oodles of grandkids. I have always known that you could not judge all men by one and his infidelity never impacted me, except with my relationship with him. ( I have a great Brother, who adores his wife) however my Moms suicide altered my life forever. We must remember that those who do wrong are not defined by their sex. My oldest son - a fairly wealthy person- married the woman he loved after 4 years living together. She had a fling after 3 months and asked for a divorce a month later. Her reason - she wanted a big wedding and he could give it to her,( $40,000.) . Lucky for her his mo ( me- used to be a divorce attorney) she did not profit from the divorce.

1

Agreed. But a contract is a contract, as much as a promise should not be broken. Some people are not meant to spend the rest of their lives with one person and are better off in serial relationships that are built on trust, friendship and mutual understanding. When there is a breach of trust, it's over for me. At 73, I have had many wonderful, monogamous relationships that have turned into platonic friendships over time, because some men don't know how to relate to a woman other than sexually. In my younger years, I found that getting sex out of the way, takes away the sexual tension and reality becomes the corner stone of a lasting friendship. Yeah, I watch 'The Friend Zone'. I have been single for over 50 years and have never regretted it. Traditional marriages are not for everyone, as much as the pious with it were so.

1

Like all those televangelists that slip around?
Buwahahahaaaaa

1

As per me there are two sides:

First - a relationship means loyalty. I am loyal and expect the same.

Yet in my definition of what is "loyalty", sex is not included. I do not require monopoly over her sexual organs, neither offer one over mine. Actually I really find surprising how people can measure loyalty over such a thing.

Thus accidental, sexual... activity... I would not consider as "betrayal" or "cheating", yet emotional commitment to another person I surely would (even if that commitment does not include sex yet).

So, to me "fidelity" has purely emotional/spiritual measures and has nothing to do with sex or sexual activities.

I would apply this to both myself and my partner.

thank you i was trying to say that.......

I disagree (though hey, whatever works for you and your partner). For me, sex is an expression of intimacy and emotional connection best shared with one other person

Generally I do agree - to me it is highly unlikely to go for an external sexual "adventure", yet this is because I rather not feel like doing such a thing than because it is a forbidden thing.

1

I lived with a Baptist for 12 years, always accusing me of something, wanting control, believed woman should be home cooking and cleaning or stuck up his ass. He had 3 girlfriends at the same time, me not included. I left and payback is a bitch. He cheated on his first wife, who knows about the 2ed and 3rd. I wouldn't marry him. I was a fool. I will never ever trust another one, ever.

0

Fidelity is a matter of respecting your partner and has nothing to do with beliefs

0

I've decided strict mongamy is not for me, sucks all the chemistry out, but on the other hand being in a non-monogamous casual relationship taught me that just having the option to do whatever makes me less interested in doing whatever. Therefore, when I find someone serious I might consider something monogam-ISH as opposed to fully open. Depends on who I find, I guess. I don't think that makes me less honest..it makes me more honest not to make promises I can't keep and be willing to disclose whatever my (future) primary partner wants to know.

In monogamous relationships, I don't think anyone should be trusted. Religious people are just as likely to cheat. Now that women are half the workforce women are just as likely to cheat as men. Having such high stakes, one wrong move possibly blowing up the relationship, makes people less honest, not more. People are more honest when they feel safe to disclose.

0

On the lighter side google RON WHITE his routine about TIGER WOODS is fucking hilarious

0

I personally have cheated and have been cheated on ,,,ive broken promises and had them broken...been all a part of what I am I guess.......I was fifteen years rock solid in my marriage .....and thats all I,ve got on that........ive pretty much gotten over the jealousy, keeping score,you did it so im gonna do it bullshit ....... life is ( add cliche here)

0

I don't feel it should affect it at all. It's how you feel about yourself.

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