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Does a ring really matter?

Edit: Wow, this post has really gotten a lot of attention. Everyone has given good advice, and I will consider both sides in order to keep the peace. However, right now the ring is the least of my worries as I am deciding whether to try to salvage my marriage like he wants, or become independent (or single....whatever). Thanks for all the replies!


When I got married a billion years ago, I bought the only ring I could afford. It's nice, but also gold....I can't stand gold anymore. I had quit wearing it anyway because it had gotten too tight (okay I gained weight but whatever), so I swapped it out for a ring my sister had given me that I really love. Hubby got all upset that I was wearing that one instead of "my original wedding ring". I said, "What if I had lost the original one?" He said something about how that's different and we would both go pick out something (I picked the "original" one on my own, so why would that matter now?)

So I paid to have the "original" ring resized and am wearing it now to appease him, but I still don't like it. Thoughts from the married (or once married) side?

VelociraptorRemy 6 Sep 25
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69 comments (51 - 69)

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0

Go with him to buy another one. Let him be part of the process, and get a ring you will enjoy wearing. It's a win-win.

0

Yes, if I don't see a ring on her finger, then I take it that she's single.

There's a saying about 'ASSumptions....'

0

depends on what it symbols to you ex thought fancier the better now it sits in my gun safe with my ring. She hocked the orignal one wich should have been plenty good for life. The one she picked was more expensive ( the main thing to her) and looked pretty close to the original one. The ring is like a brand some thinks its stops th one wearing it can't cheat be falsehood there!

0

In the abstract, no rings do not matter. If you discuss it with him and it holds great sentimental value, if it means a lot to him, I say wear it. Save the fights for big issues. Just not a fight I'd choose. See if he'd be willing to 'upgrade' or switchout for a significant anniversary as a new symbol of how long you've been together, and how long you have yet to go.

0

Because the ring was from your husband and all about your relationship with him, yes, that ring matters. All you had to do was to discuss it with him before replacing it. It would have made a world of difference and he probably would have suggested replacing it. By not doing that you're right, that the ring doesn't matter but you have made it appear that he doesn't matter and that hurts him. It seems that you have reluctantly begun wearing the original ring. I just hope you are not complaining about it.

OCJoe Level 6 Sep 26, 2018

if it means so much to him tell him to wear it

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I'm less then a month away from being officially divorced. I see marriage as a social construct made so governments and religions can further control people. I don't need the state to tell me I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with someone. That being said I married my soon to be ex wife because me being in the military it was the only way to have her move with me and receive bah. I'm pretty sure the ring thing was just a way of identifying that a person was biblically off limits and has no actual purpose. shit it didn't even do what it was meant to cuz my ex wife had been cheating on me for idk how long before I found out.

Dfox Level 4 Sep 26, 2018
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Your man obviously has some issues around the ring. If you want your relationship to continue; you need to see EVERYTHING he does and says as a gift. Not criticism! In this case his gift is him telling you he is insecure. Maybe deep down he wishes he could do better for you. This is way he makes no sense to you in the situation. You just need to find a way to ask him for the ring you want in a way that will make him feel good about how he provides for you. Even if its not true. Find a ring that you like then make your plan to show it to him. Screw him real good, tell him he is the man, and then mysteriously show him the ring.Then drop some logical statement that this would be sooo awesome. Go with better fit or investment. Tell him that if the zombie apocalypse where to happen and you needed food, there is always some guy out there willing trade for jewlery for his GF. $5 says its yours......get it? just saying.

0

Yes, just ask Smeagol!

How precious!

My sister thought that my ring was from my long-over marriage. If only she could read the inscription - One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.

@ldheinz take care! One day a sneaky Baggins might steal it from you!

@Spongebob, if he can find me... 😉

0

Simplest answer: No.

Complicated answer: Still No.

Hmmm...your argument has some valid points...

0

Not to me.

0

The bottom line for me is the ring is a symbol of two people's commitment to one another.
It's really not quite the same, for me anyway, when not being part of that decision.

My late dh goofed twice with this.
1st he did not consult me & surprised me with a wedding band. It was gold & emerald. Yes it was cool but it wasn't me, I'd not worn gold anything since my 20s, and that he didn't know that stung a little.
Sooo... because of that we had to go out together & let us both choose, which was a sapphire in silver.

I found a ring that was all him & consulted him first to confirm he was into it.

Unfortunately it wasn't practical for his job, and i could see why, it was top heavy & as a result he had to take it off at work.
Fast forward one spring day he comes home with another ring he bought for himself to replace it for work, a simple titanium band. I wasn't there, nor was I consulted. THAT stung.
He saw it as no big deal. Ok
Well to me it WAS a big deal. Use "platinum rule" not "golden" with regard to rings.
I was completely ok with his wanting something practical, but not being included bothered me.

0

When we got married could not afford to have mine come in time due to size, even though it was a plain band. It came in time for our six month anniversary. However, that same day I had an accident at work that almost ripped the ring finger off at the first joint. It was months before I could wear it and it turned out that I had nerve damage that caused my whole left side go numb and/or cramp up if I wore it for any length of time. (1 hou or more) So I do not wear one but for special occasions and very briefly. I have lost the original as it ended up being too big as I lost about 100 pounds, and we have replaced with a cheapo that we picked together. So, no, I do not think it matters much. I also think that the idea of marriage has much changed. There are those that still see it as an accepted form of servitude, especially those that follow the version of bible that diminishes or removes all reference to tolerance and forgiveness.

0

I lost my wedding ring years back. My wife has bought me another. The thing is I hate jewelry. I don't wear a watch. I don't wear my ring for long before I "misplace" it. My wife doesn't care about me not wearing my ring anymore. She's been married to me long enough to know why women aren't throwing themselves at me.

0

I understand the sentimentality. Mine were stolen and I wish I could get them back. Another set won't be the same, for me.

0

I think, for some, a simple band might be useful to advertise that one is in a committed relationship and does not wish to be thought of as available. Some wear them to proudly denote they are in a relationship.

Thinking about it, when I was married, I think I wore mine because I felt it was expected, and I suppose I liked the idea of people knowing I was capable of attracting a mate.

0

It matters to him obviously and it would matter to me.
My ex and I were just starting out when I got married. My rings were not exactly my taste( too cheap) on our fifth anniversary he upgraded my engagement and wedding rings.. this time we went together but it was my choice.

0

I think it depends on how much it means to him and how little it means to you. If he really wants you to wear it and you don't care either way - why not make him happy? Or ask him to help you pick out one that you both like.

"It's not in the budget right now" -him

@VelociraptorRemy LOL! Well, if it makes him happy for you to wear the ring I would do it. Unless it makes you really unhappy? Then a longer conversation about what the ring really means to both of you. So hard...I am not married anymore!

0

You buy something for hubby and he swaps it for something else, how do you feel? ?

Good point, but I bought the ring. I sold my Camaro so I could buy the ring, so I feel he doesn't have any ground to complain about it.

@Bierbasstard no lie. She was a 79 Berlinetta. Didn't run but had potential.

0

I can see his point... But yours also.

Why don't you both go out and pick new ones for each other? He might still like his but at least he can help you pick one out. (Or watch you do it and be a part of it!)

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