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Broken? Does anyone want to share their story of a love that they never got over? A person they genuinely cared about and lost.

paul1967 8 Jan 27
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0

I had a serious girl friend in high school who dumped me for an older man. It took me awhile to get over that but I married another woman with the same first name of that old girl friend and am still married to her after 42 years.

1

I qualify for the demisexual label, so feel no sexual attraction for either gender, or even individuals, unless there's been a prolonged courtship of over a year.

But I do enjoy friendship with people of like interests, and, even though I see men as pals, from having a lot of male traits myself, I can be persuaded to marry, apparently, even if only to avoid hurting my friend's feelings.

So that's how I married my ex. After a year of hanging out, being courted, we got married and after another year I began to feel sexual attraction. I eventually divorced him in 2010 for being treacherously jealous of anything that took my attention off him, but we had a fun marriage in the meantime.

Last year he emailed me to say he was transitioning to nonbinary female, and wanted us back together. He/she had already remarried, to a strict, religious Republican, so I knew transitioning wouldn't go over well with her.

I know he's dangerous to be with, but my demisexuality demotivates me from pursuing new love interests and I passively allow him to occasionally email me about his transition progress. With my "whatever" male traits, I lack the outrage most cis women naturally have toward unsuitable lovers.

But I might be progressing a bit..my joining this forum surprised me and raised my hopes that I'm willing to at least find out if anyone matches my interests, even if for friendship.

I have no idea what my sexual orientation is, but I'm panromantic (can fall in love with anything) and have briefly fallen in love with a transwoman before, until she began making demands on me; telling me where to live, where to work, etc, and planning my life. That was my cue to exit stage left .

Sexuality is a confusing topic. You have a sexual identity (what gender you feel you are or if you even have a gender) and sexual orientation (how you feel sexually toward others) This field of study is mind bendingly complicated and it's easy for me to confuse orientation and identity, but I'm trying.

@paul1967 Americans love labels, and I qualify for a bunch of them.

I have little identification with either gender, and think of myself more as androgynous. But in the gender identity list, I qualify for being gender fluid, bigender, agender, partial transmale, and in the sexual needs list, I qualify for being labeled asexual, demisexual, etc.

In other words, I have mixed gender traits, and tested at having about 60% male identity, which seems to have canceled out my lust instincts for each gender side.

But although I'm not attracted to any particular gender or person, I have a very strong libido..many times stronger than that of males, I've been told, and with my (also gender mixed) ex we constantly switched gender roles, did role play, mild S & M, etc.

Straight men bored me with their "rabbit" love, which is to be fast as possible to orgasm, jump on-roll off and start snoring techniques, but I get it.

Most cis women I've talked to barely give their men time even for that, so they have to be quick.

In the sexual orientation I can feel strong attraction to ALL genders, because I'm "panromantic" - able to fall in love with anything- but since it takes so long to win me over, so far, only males have made it past a year of courting to the sexual attraction stage.
It surprises me that any did at all.

1

I cared too much for my exes that didn't care for me.

It sounds like your former boyfriends used you, and that can be very hard to get over. I'm embarrassed to say that I've been on both sides of that. I strive not to be that to anyone ever again.

Yes.

2

What good will it do to lament about it? My tale is my own masochism. I chose the illusion of wealth and power over the smile, laughter, and warmth of a wonderful woman. I dove into the bottle for a year. I raged. I adapted.

This might be a selfish reason on my part, but I'm getting myself into something that scares the crap out of me, and it helps me hear these stories.

3

My ex girlfriend and I have been together for the last 3 years and had a child together. Much of the situation I’m in is no where next to ideal, we broke up months ago and she still lives with me, the date she leaves keeps getting pushed back, and is now set for February 5th (don’t judge, you don’t know the details). We had a plethora of incompatibility issues, but what it boiled down to was that she was so afraid to lose me that she would rather not try, this is her logic (anxiety and depression) not mine. We will stay friends, and we have signed a joint custody contract that we have both fully agreed upon. She is not a terrible mother. I absolutely still love her, but I can’t convince her that things can work between us. My only goal is to stay a stable home for my son to grow up well. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to become romantically receptive again, but this relationship has left me feeling broken, unwanted, inadequate, and tired. I’m sure it will heal in time, but my scabs have been reopened many times, when she’s gone I can stop bleeding.

I never had children, so I can only imagine the additional pain of a family breakup would be. You lose the dynamic of a family environment along with someone you have feelings for and on top of all that she's in your life forever.

4

I bought a house, car and ring for a woman. She had been cheating on me for the previous six months ( I had no idea). When she left the only thing she didn't take was a positive pregnancy test and a receipt for the abortion. She left them on the floor in the middle of my empty living room. She spent the next two years filing law suits against me in an attempt to take the house from me. I won all of them, sold the house and moved on.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't know if I'll ever get over it, but I am glad it's over.

Sorry, dude, that's the kind that can really set you back, make you very distrustful.

Dear lord man! That's a terrifyingly messed up human. That's got to be one of the worst experiences with a woman I've ever heard. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.

better then than tommorow.

Nothing says F U, and your DNA too, like aborting your (maybe) progeny and leaving the receipt on the floor.
That's cold.

But if could have been worse.

She may have kept her affair and pregnancy a secret, had the baby, and left you to raise someone else's kid alone.

At least now you're well rid of her.

4

I thought I had one once, but looking back on it there were lots of lies., and some of them were really huge lies. He wanted to change me in many ways. He was supposed to move from California to Nebraska, but he couldn't get rid of his baggage to do that. In the end he loved his stuff more than me, and I am wiser for the pain.

I agree, and that is something I'm doing myself right now. I'm leaving a job I love and friends and family I care for to be with the person I love. She has kids and can't move to me, so I'm moving to be with her. So it can be done if you care enough.

4

Sometimes, you just don't get "closure". That's a hard lesson to learn. It is, however, possible to learn it. We don't always get to understand the 'why' of things.

I might sound cold, but I've been in those relationships where I don't care about closure I just want out. I guess it's selfish not to concern myself with the other person needs or wants.

@paul1967 It is what it is. I'm not judging.

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Paul... for some reason with all the luck in the world, I got the one that really compliments me. All those unanswers prayers was dumb luck that got me here. It all turned out the way it was suppose to be.

That's awesome! I am inspired to know that sometimes it does happen.

4

Well, I want to share my story about several that I loved and lost...but, I got over all of them in time! There were times that I wanted to die over them, but I got over that too! Funny, thing, I feel an abundance of love now, from many sources! And, if one of those other situation presents itself, I am pretty sure I will partake...

That's a great attitude, and the willingness to keep yourself open to the possibility of love is also essential.

@paul1967 I must confess, that took work and time,... I just didn't elaborate on the gory details, lol, (now)!

1

I don't know if it's been long enough to qualify as a "never got over" but I had a break up about 6 months ago that I'm not over. Great relationship, 4 years, thought about marriage, but she mentioned she didn't know if she'd be as happy with someone who she wouldn't get to go to heaven with. I still love her and genuinely hope she meets someone that can give her what she needed.

I got married to someone who said those exact words to me. I could be wrong to say this, but I'll say it anyway, you may have dodged a bullet on that one. There's such a crazy dynamic that manifests later in a married relationship when one believes you are deserving of that sort of punishment. The resentment builds over the years knowing that this person feels justified in worshiping a God that put's a gun in your mouth and says love me, or I'll blow your brains out for an eternity.

@paul1967 I'm glad you shared that, I've been wondering if breaking things off was the right thing to do lately. And she did come from one of those speaking in tongues and performing healing sects too so you're probably right about dodhing tbe crazy bullet. I'm sorry you didn't make it out in time man.

3

Her name was Anja, and I won't get over losing her for as long as I live.

Jnei Level 8 Jan 27, 2018

As long as life isn't over you never know what will come of it.

2

Can't say I had. I am one of those lovers that are better at goodbye while others are better at hello.

4

I was hung up on one girl for years. We dated off and on, because I'm an idiot. She went on letting me believe that she cared about me in the same way I did for her. One day a couple months ago, she told me point blank that she has no romantic feelings towards me. Turns out, I was a toy. A bandaid for when she was hurting. She knew that I could and would give her an ego boost when she needed one. I haven't talked to her since. It still hurts.

Sorry. I know that must hurt. Someone will someday like that you are a devoted guy. Better off without her.

That's been me more than once. It never gets easier.

Too bad.
I tend to date people for something to do, because I like them, because they're fun, because I want a good dance partner, etc. I always warn them about my being leery of commitment, and even flat out told one guy I'd never marry him, and was just "using him." '

He just laughed and said, "USE me, Girl, USE me!!"

4

I wish I could thank a former classmate, Cintia (spelled like that in BR). I was just 14 at the time and we never really dated, but what she did saved me more than a decade after we parted ways. Sadly, I never found a way to locate her.

Life's not over yet, so you might years down the road, or she might find you.

2

My first real love, in high school, Paula. Stole my heart, then one day I went over to her house and she said she couldn't see me anymore. No reason given. I was devastated; didn't get over her for years. I never actually found out why she ended it, but I'm pretty sure it was because she was a "good Catholic girl" and her parents didn't want her hanging out with the likes of me. They were probably right.

I'm sure you were kidding, but I'm sure you were no worse than any other high school boy.

2

when i was in second grade i contracted cooties from this redheaded darling. i was hers in my eyes. just for a moment, i stepped off base. then, i was given cooties by another....cooties ain't that bad really.

Not bad? Cooties are what love is all about lol.

2

I have an ex from 1999 that I still chat to online a few times a week, I don't doubt that she did love me once, and maybe still does in some way, she cheated on me almost 18 years ago, and still with him,but it took me a long time to get over her.

I hope I'm open to ask you this and you can ignore it if it's asking too much but what does she offer you? This isn't just a matter of unfair circumstance, she cheated on you.

@paul1967 We got on well at work, went through some dramas together, she and her new partner are both dying and he won't see Easter, she won't make the end of the year. She is very religious, and has become an alcoholic, they live a few states away. So sympathy I guess, which was also a large part of our relationship, I help her out a lot, though she helped me with moral support when my daughter was very ill. Poor lady really looks bad now. I never mind questions.

@Rugglesby You're a truly good man, and I give you all the respect I can offer.

4

I am but a jagged piece of stained glass, put together by my own determination, and free will. I shared one story of My Tim. The other one that left me broken was not my husband but a man I loved and still will love for the rest of my days. His name is Michael. That story is for another day. As it makes me sad, and the day is too beautiful to be filled with sadness.

Sounds like a story other people could identify with and possibly help mend old painful wounds.

I remember, it was quite inspiring the way you stayed by his side, that’s a real love. Nothing but respect for the hardships you both endured.

@Funandfondles Thanks Funandfondles ... How can one not stand by who they love? I didn't need the marriage vows to know I would be with him till the end of his days or of mine. Whichever came first.

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