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Why harassed people are slow to talk- a personal story

For eight years, I wrote a popular monthly column for the Wenatchee Business Journal.

In March 1992, I wrote about the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas controversy.

"At a recent seminar I taught on sexual harassment, a Wenatchee Valley College instructor said she was stunned by a joke a local businessman told following the Thomas-Hill controversy.

"He walked into a breakfast meeting with men and women present and asked, 'Have you heard about the new Anita Hill doll? It takes 10 years to talk.' She said the men in the room roared with laughter.

"Making fun of Anita Hill hurts every woman in earshot who has been sexually harassed. And there are a lot of us. Although humor often heals, that joke stings."

It appalls me that 25 years later, women are getting the same atrocious treatment from men in power.

LiterateHiker 9 Sep 28
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13 comments

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3

And sadly the Right are still spewing just as ugly jokes today. Maybe worse due to social media and less censorship from what I have seen. We live in a world of those who care and those who care less!

2

What we need to do is end this WASPlutocracy we are living in; more women in government, and more persons of color.

4

It is harder when molested by a male, but almost worse coming forward about being molested by a female. Very few know about the boy, because that is more embarrassing, probably because of our culture of toxic masculinity. However, coming out about the babysitter was almost worse because it mostly came with "attaboy", "she was breaking you in", "you are a stud." It adds to the emotional trauma.

1

Well written piece and so apropos today.

Thank you for sharing that.

@MiltsterD

Thank you.

1

Makes absolute sense to me that a victim would be silent for a long time or not speak up at all. A combination of the trauma which shuts people down, and being shamed or not believed if they do speak up.

1

I stopped taking home piano lessons when I was in elementary school because I felt so uncomfortable around Mr. Noone. I can't remember anything specific but I had the icky feeling around him. He sat so close to me on the piano bench. He also taught my good friend across the street. I wonder what Norman remembers.

2

I had to get on my PC to read your article. Very well done and I hope you're past experiences don't continue to haunt you. These men are predators and feel entitled to everything the see...including the women around them. Peace

@ADKSparky

Thank you. The Dr. Ford/Kavanaugh controversy has triggered my PTSD, as a survivor of repeated sexual assault. Deep breaths.

@LiterateHiker So sorry. 😟

3

Things really haven’t changed that much. ?? Barf Kavanaugh got away with being angry, shrill, combative, interrupted Senators. Republicans thought he was strong and forceful. I thought he acted like a two year old.

Two year olds are the new normal for the Republican Party. Look who they nominated and elected president. The majority of the party can’t read or write according to most of their op-ed spews.

1

I just started rewatching Mad Men on Netflix. It somehow makes me feel better seeing the misogynist behavior and comments of the men on the show, knowing that this was being depicted to shock modern people on how women were treated in the past decades.

But it's like Mad Men all over again these days..

1

it also appalls me that 25 years later men are still IN power.

g

4

I stopped going to restaurants with my 2nd husband because he sexually harassed the waitresses. It was embarrassing. The last time he did it I apologized to the waitress and walked out crying. This idiot saw it as his right to do it and "it hurts no one".

One of the many reasons why I divorced him.

to him, women were "no one."

g

2

It was so commonplace decades ago. It was "just the way it was" and there was often nobody to tell who would consider that anything was wrong with sexual harassment.

I know that my dad sexually harassed the women in his workplace (decades ago) and the women at work even had a nickname for him "Hands" or "Wild Bill" which was a moniker he just grinned about. There was no woman he wouldn't feel up, including his own daughters. Who would these women go to for a complaint? There was no one. My dad was a highly respected employee. He would be in jail nowadays if he were alive to do that sort of thing.

There was simply no avenue for women to file complaints about workplace harassment back then, nor school counselors for students to seek help regarding abuse at home. I'm so glad times have changed for the better, whether we appreciate it or not sometimes. It may not always seem that times have changed, but that's what we women stand up and march for!

4

It is not easy coming forward. I was molested by my female babysitter at age four but did not speak of it for months as she had threatened my family, but later that year I was molested by a neighbor boy so I told my mother about the babysitter. I was spanked for lying, and to this day have not told her or my family about the boy.

I know that it is 1000 times more socially difficult for women because of our contemptible culture.

I would think it would be socially more difficult for boys/men to report sexual abuse.

@Julie808 it may be more difficult for them to bring themselves to admit it because it threatens their masculinity, but once they have done so, they tend to be believed. they are not usually asked what they were wearing, as if the assault could maybe be their own fault. they're not generally told they were "asking for it."

g

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