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LINK Dear dads: Your daughters told me about their assaults. This is why they never told you. - The Washington Post

If you have a daughter/sister/mother.... This story made me cry.

HippieChick58 9 Oct 2

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Well I for one am offended at that article (yes that is sarcasm since at every turn someone is offended). Maybe the article should have been titled "Dear Dads you suck at being fathers to females"? Every situation is different and there are so many variables which will affect whether or not the daughter finds it necessary to talk to her dad about what occurred. I just called my daughter who I feel I have a great relationship with and posed the question. Would you feel comfortable in telling me if you were raped.She was honest (as expected) and said she has thought about what she would do,,,,how would she handle the humiliation and the emotional breakdown (she is very emotional). Sure we spoke about steps females take to minimize the odds but 100% avoidance is a hard level to achieve. No one ever deserves to be raped and yes victims will feel guilty at making themselves more vulnerable but making sure they don't get away to do it again is paramount. She said she would tell me but I would probably already know just by her reaction and state of mind. I made sure to let her know that I would love her unconditionally and she should never have to worry about not telling me anything to which she agreed followed by I love you Dad. I am so tired of hearing that Dads are at fault as this article suggests. There are good and bad fathers AND Mothers... Relationships are individually cultivated but 100% outcome is never a guarantee..I joined this site today since most right leaning women are NOT Agnostic Libertarians. Yes looking for that rare of rare birds in a land filled full of hopefully not dodo birds.

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I agree that women and daughters don't speak up about abuse, and should. I disagree how the article then slanted the story that once again men are to blame for the silence and ignorance. Why is it that everything today must have a misandric slant to it? Did all these dads not have a mom in the house? Was mom told but the secret kept from dad/brothers? What about all the boys who are abused, and told neither mom or dad? Were these dads even a part of their daughter's life when the incidents happened, or was he just a wallet in another state with no input on curfews or friends? Or should I just accept the implied premise of the article is that every female has been a victim and by deed, apathy, or ignorance every man is the problem?

I'm really sick of people being distracted by bull-shit SJW agendas instead of opening their fucking eyes to the real problems in our culture. Boys AND girls being molested, raped killed, or killing each other at school. Yet instead of trying to come together for solutions, people seem more preoccupied with placing blame and inflicting punishment.

Misandric? SJW?
Who are raping? The vast majority are men.
Did you see the hearings? One woman facing a bench of 80 year old men discounting her and moving ahead to vote for Kavanaugh.
Don’t get defensive when victims of sexual violence are speaking up and the messed up systems in place that make them not believed or face retaliation.

@Sydland Hearings?!?!? I was talking about the article! And don't talk to me about the system, I have more experience with it than you can imagine.

I'll try one more time with you. Do you accept that we as biological males have privilege over biological females? Can you internalize the concept that you and I are privileged without getting defensive and instead try to examine your perspectives and assumptions rather than grasp at any kind of evidence, no matter how skewed, to prop up your world view? Or are you just another MRA? Red Piller? Incel?

[motherjones.com]

@kmdskit3 you haven't defined what privilege we hold. Do I think that men have advantages over women in some area, and do women have advantages over men in other. Sure...I'll agree to that. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH AN ARTICLE ABOUT PARENTS BEING MORE INVOLVED IN THEIR KIDS LIVES TWISTING INTO FATHERS ARE ANOTHER PROBLEM? Again, changing the conversation and not addressing my issues raised.

And my perspectives and "assumptions" (as you say) are based on real life experience with abuse and violence. What's to say they are skewed...esp given a Doctor and a old school feminists talk about some basic human behavior and emotions align with said views?

Even your Dr says there isn't a rape culture, in that only 5% or so of men rape. He then goes on to say that ALL women (51% of population - which is highly suspect) are afraid of this unlikely even, and that is the real reason we should all be hypersensitive to the subject.

Why don't you stop with the personal attacks and address me on the topics I mentioned. There was no need for this article to take the slant it did. I raised points and questions sons/mothers in this dynamic that you ignored. Yet true to colors, you "distract by bull-shit SJW " propaganda.

I would not have ever told my dad that I was raped. My dad told me when I was about 13 that there was no such thing as rape because a woman can run faster with her skirts up than a man can with his pants down. My dad would have assumed it was my fault for not getting away or for being too friendly, or anything his little mind could come up with. So you have "experience with the system" and you assume more than anyone else. How superior of you. You obviously don't get it, you are discounting what women tell you, because you have not experienced the same thing, therefore it must not be happening. We are telling you it is happening, PLEASE fucking LISTEN! Yes, boys are molested, especially in the catholic church, but for women and girls it happens far more often. And often mom isn't told either. I could go on and explain further, but you don't seem to be open to learning. However, if you are not part of the solution, you are very likely part of the problem. Your choice.

@HippieChick58 Hey asshole...my girls were molested by my ex-wife's grandfather while I was stationed overseas in the Marine Corps. I was granted custody, and raised them as a single father, still being treated like shit by the court while she was over 10k behind in child support. Finally some cunt of a judge thought momma should have them, since I have a penis and obviously couldn't be a good parent. Then 3 months later in their new home state, about 1k miles from worthless dad, my youngest daughter is arrested for felony possession of drugs at school. About a year after that, she was raped at a party. All this under the guidance of the wonderful, perfect, can do no wrong b/c she has a vagina mother.

But yea...since Im a fucking guy...I obviously don't know what I'm talking about. Sorry to say you horrible POS can only insult people and not engage in a conversation; only when a person has to air the history in public do you stop and think, "hey...maybe Im the one being a arrogant and feel I'm superior". But I don't want to assume, so maybe you won't. Nope, I'm not going to assume anything...but you sure as hell did, didn't you?

And after all the personal attack shit...FINALLY you get to the end and MAKE MY FUCKING POINT - MOM PROBABLY WASN"T TOLD EITHER! SO AGAIN - WHY THE FUCK DID THE ARTICLE HAVE TO COME OUT SPECIFICALLY AND SOLELY ATTACKING THE FATHERS THE WAY IT DID????

@HippieChick58 lol....if you can't win the argument...censor them. Nice one...

Guess you're personal attacks were ok, just not mine?
After all, you have a vagina, and I have a penis.

@jondspen you are carrying a hell of a lot of anger. I understand why and I am sorry for your pain. The article, like most articles are written towards the majority. Your story is not the majority. I did not read it as attacking fathers. It was explaining why men/fathers are generally not aware of what happens to their children. I never told my parents what happened to me underneath their own roof. To this day I don't know why they didn't know or if they did know why it was allowed to happen. I don't think I assumed anything, you have no idea what kind of experience anyone else has had with any system. I've seen many good dads lose custody for the reasons you've mentioned. It is f'd up. I think the article is written addressing men because men have been in the primary positions of power and authority for generations. The question was raised as to why women don't come forward, and trying to explain why. I know why, I live why, many many women live why. Because we are trained from birth to be "good girls." Good girls don't kick up a fuss because when we do we aren't believed or are treated with scorn or punished for telling the truth.

@jondspen ?

@HippieChick58 FIrst - what proof that most PARENTS are unaware? Second - what proof it's not more shame, guilt, or pain reliving experience? If you go back to my original comment, you noticed I tried to hint at a link between conversation and social interaction between PARENTS and their kids, esp with i-net, social media, school mascaras, bullying, suicide, assault or rape...

Again, I try to get a conversation going on the topic beyond the propaganda...talk about some real numbers or alternate possibilities (from my experience) and get nothing but personal attacks instead of dialogue. Thanks for your pity...

People shouldn't be so quick to only listen for echos...

@jondspen How can you have proof of an intangible? I didn't talk about it, many women don't. It is a personal violation of the worst sort, and children often don't have the language skills to deal with it and the offenders aren't likely to own up to it Numbers are hard to come by when victims won't talk about it but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. It's not like there are pictures or hard evidence, it is truly a hidden crime. I have read statistics about how many rape kits are waiting to be run. Not a priority for the police. Why do you call it propaganda? I don't see this as a SJW issue. I see this as a human rights issue. Do you think it is offensive to me and the others in this discussion to dismiss our concerns as SJW issues? You're dishing out offense far more quickly as you are receiving it.

@HippieChick58 The article was a SJW propaganda piece. Women don't talk about it to their fathers? OK...but they also don't talk about it with their mothers, brothers, sisters, or maybe they do? Maybe some are kept out? But all this puff piece wanted to do was say because men are so weak and emotional, women/daughters don't share the experience? Ergo, just another reason why men shouldn't be respected to have input on this or any issue - they can't protect and are emotionally unstable. To me it read the blame for women not talking about it was because of men being weak, which I am tired of seeing in the media. Sexism and racism is wrong against any person, regardless of their race or sex!

I am the father of this article, literally by coincidence, but since I don't agree with the slant, you assume I don't agree with the problem of violence. What I don't agree with is taking a subject and topic I am very familiar with unfortunately, and twisting it to another social commentary on the uselessness of fathers. The women went through violence, but didn't tell the men b/c they are emotional, and thus the reason they are ignorant (which I think I was called a few times today). That is not my experience (I do understand the silence, but again, the silence is larger than the dad slant, and thus misrepresents IMO), and it sickens me to twist the experience just to further more anti-male sentiment in a very subtle manner. After all, if you don't hate men and agree they are ignorant...you obviously support rape.

Is it really that hard to see my point? I keep making it over and over...yet it just keeps getting ignored it seems...

@jondspen I can't say if you're getting ignored. However, you don't seem to be understanding the points of view of others. Yes, it is hard to see your point. I think it doesn't help that I perceive you as being condescending. I haven't read most of your reply, and I'm not going to. You're not seeing our point, and you keep demeaning our position as being SJW. I think we both agree the conversation is going nowhere. Therefore I bid you good night, and I hope you find peace somewhere, sometime soon.

@HippieChick58 lol...so you're not even bothering reading what I wrote? No wonder you can't see my point. Guess it was just argue with someone without knowing what your arguing about night.

@jondspen I choose not to read because our history shows we are not communicating well, I'm not going to change your mind and I don't need additional condescension from you. I tried to understand your point, I do not feel I had the same courtesy. I bid you peace.

@HippieChick58 You know...in every post you have personally insulted me. In most of mine, I tried to present an argument without resulting to personal attacks. No I don't agree with your point b/c you keep arguing from a point that I disavow assault occurs, throw in some personal insult, and then tell me how close minded I am. You have refused to answer any of my questions or propositions directly. I completely understand your point, you agree with the article that men are ignorant and women don't tell them b/c they are too emotional, I just don't agree with that perception of the facts and events. If anything it is more fear that dad will kill the SOB and go to prison is why they don't tell.

@jondspen You came out swinging with a personal attack, and continuing to demean the point of view as SJW. The fear that dad will kill the SOB might be a reason that girls don't tell. They don't want daddy to go to prison. How many men do you know freak out when a woman talks about her period or sanitary products. If men can't deal with that, how would they deal with a rape. I've known men who get squeamish at the idea of menstruation, I've also known men that will go out and buy supplies when they are needed. And yes, lots of men put their little girls on pedestals, and girls don't want to blot daddy's opinion of them. It is a very complex issue. That I think we can agree on. However, I think we've beat this horse to death. There are legions of women who agreed with this article, there are legions of women who've been raped or abused and never reported it to authorities. I don't want to rehash the argument, it won't ever bring us to agreement or understanding of pov. I bid you peace.

@HippieChick58 And again, I don't know why you seem to think that I disagree that "legions of women who've been raped or abused and never reported it to authorities". I never denied that. Yet the article doesn't say that does it. It specifically talks about MEN are ignorant about how bad a problem it is...although it seems it's not reported to women either (mom,aunts, sisters, etc). And once again, back to the original article, not what you think or feel or want to go off on a tangent on. I mean it starts off "Dear Dads:..." How can you continue to deny it isn't what the article's about? No, I'm not being blind, or stubborn, or close minded...I'm being focused on the original article and what it says.

As far as coming out swinging, let me remind you that came AFTER your comments, "How superior of you. You obviously don't get it, PLEASE fucking LISTEN! You don't seem to be open to learning. However, if you are not part of the solution, you are very likely part of the problem." Oh yea, you are so innocent of any personal attacks. I, like all other violent and angry rapist men, just came out without any provocation and started attacking you....and continued to do so in every reply? Nope...that didn't happen.

Women don't tell dads...ok. Women also don't tell moms. Women don't tell brothers/sisters. Women don't tell wives or husbands. There are a lot of people women don't tell. There are a lot of reason why women don't tell. There are some people they do tell. Painting men as ignorant and the reason women can't speak up is what is SJW about this article.

@HippieChick58 @Sydland Thanks for taking on his fucked up behavior and perspective with me. You stuck with it longer than I would have. Being called an SJW is not a negative. Working for social justice is noble and necessary and anyone who uses SJW as an insult is by definition a mean spirited asshat. He called a judge a cunt, said women are emotionally compromised and says he knows better than we amongst other things. I truly feel sorry for anyone in his life especially his children. I'll probably ignore him from now on and not feed the troll that he is.

@kmdskit3 And what's so "fucked up about my behavior"? Looking through my posts, all I saw was me making a point that the article did not need to attack dads as it did. All you can do is throw insults. Do you know the judge, how do you she wasn't a sexist cunt? What, because she's a woman she can't be wrong or sexist? And no, you misunderstood, I said men were emotionally compromised, thus the reason women don't tell men...its our fault, the whole point of the article. And I never said I "know better than" everyone else, I was responding to someone who later deleted their post saying essentially I was unqualified to have an opinion and didn't know anything about the situation. My point was this article doesn't present an accurate or full picture of the problem of silence from the abused. Yet you can't confront me on that, and have to twist my words to say I deny women are abused or raped ever. I feel sorry for you that you are such a close minded person who only wants to live in an echo chamber and can't wrap you brain around a different POV, nor have a civil and open conversation about what real people experience during this event.

I'll try one more time. Here is a direct quote from the article, and is the crux of the piece, "To all the fathers of all the silent victims: Your children are quietly carrying these stories, not because they can’t handle their emotions but because they’re worried that you can’t." This implies that daughter doesn't tell anyone, because dad is so emotionally unstable and weak, he couldn't handle the truth, so therefore he/she can't tell ANYONE b/c it might get back to him.
You agree with that, fine, I'll ask one more time, why do you believe the article in that fathers, and fathers alone (not the mom, not sisters...they all know obviously and can deal with it b/c they are women) can't deal with the truth of the event, or the pain afterwards? Notice I didn't deny the event happened, nor did I say the daughter was just being too emotional and should just suck it up, that shit happens. From the parents of other victims, mothers and fathers, from discussions with counselors, this is not an accurate representation, or at least not the primary reason why this happens. A woman might not tell her dad, but to place the blame for their silent burden, for not being able to talk or work through the trauma on dad is a lie. It's sexist SJW propaganda against men and fathers. Sexism is "attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender." Saying ALL dad's are ignorant and keeping their victim daughter silent b/c of dad's social role and gender is sexist. The ironic part is the article is talking about people not communicating, and yet every person on here that has responded to me has either ignored my POV, or twisted it for an easy straw man attack against me....kinda the same thing the dad's in the article are accused of doing!!!

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This needs to be spread around.

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Hope you don't mind-shared with my new ME TOO-Women's Group. Please check it out Paula.

I'm very happy to have anything I post spread far and wide! Thanks!!

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