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What do I want? I'm happy single... so there are no needs on my list. What do I want in a partner? That is a rather long list. Obviously I have to be physically attracted. This though is not so important as it was in my youth. After all, I know from having lived a rather tumultuous life that physical parts of a relationship can be there or not there at times. So what then? If all you have is a nice horizontal mambo partner, things will fall apart.

A best friend is what I seek. Someone who can hang out with me laughing at a local dive or offer his arm at a symphony. Someone who can sit next to me on the sofa and do his own thing as I knit or who has his own hobbies. He must have his own mind, his own life and be stable.

There is some odd magic to a match... something rare that both feel. How many times do we meet someone who is nuts about us while we feel nothing or the other way around?

I'm not sure I will ever feel that magic again... I don't depend on it... I simply wish for it.

anyway... I'm glad to be here with this community as it is not a cheesy dating site. I've had my fill of those.

By Knitfreak7
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18 comments

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1

I can relate on so many levels to this.

1

My sentiments exactly

ags2 Level 4 Feb 10, 2018
1

I hear ya. I have had my fill of dating sites and the idiocy and juvenile attempts at hooking up. I like this site so far myself. I am chilling as I look for that someone to attend a lunchbox review musical performance al fresco or sprawl on a blanket under the stars for idle conversation and just letting it flow. Not holding my breath either. lol. So, onward with new adventures and Living.

2

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of
the next moment. All the immense
images in me -- the far-off, deeply-felt
landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and
unsuspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-- , and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled, gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows? Perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

Rainer Maria Rilke

That is heartbreakingly beautiful.

yes it is. glad you appreciate it

3

I'm with you Sister! I want my BFF. Until such time as he shows up I will be content with what I have.

3

I've raised my standards since I left my ex and also since I started lifting. So I just remain single.

@Vic47 , I've done so also , & for some time now .

2

There are a lot of potentials here , but if they all turn up dead ends , I still will be here everyday almost for the sake of the community . I try to keep my Facebook book notices & even emails zeroed out once a week , when it used to be everyday . I like it here that much !

Dougy Level 7 Jan 29, 2018
5

Funny I've come to the opposite conclusion as I got older. If the magic isn't there the friendship it isn't worth the maintenance sex. I can always find friends I don't have to sleep with. I think it's monogamy that sucks all the magic out.

it can , but not always .

2

I'm on the same page. I have some romantic notions where I draw a corollary between quantum physics and love. You meet someone and on paper they should be, well if not perfect, very good. But there's that sense...something not there. There's a disconnect. But if you get lucky you meet someone and there's...something. You're both collapsing the wave of your mutual observable universe in a way that uh...entangles you. You might eve have moments where your thinking the same thought, say the same thing, reach out to each other at the same time. Seeming almost magical, the action at a distance almost...spooky. But what the fuck do I know. All of that could be my biases creating a safety net around me so that I never take a risk with anyone again. And that's really where it's at isn't it? The risk. You buy your ticket and you take your ride. Timing is everything. Maybe that person you wrote off was perfect but they came into your life at the wrong moment. It's all so fluid. I've been in the company of women who I initially found very attractive but as I got to know them it fell apart. I've been around women who I wasn't particularly attracted to but as I got to know them they became beautiful. <sigh> A friend asked me recently what I wanted, in general from life, not in a partner but the first thing that popped into my head was...I want to be known and be loved in spite of that. I'll probably try again.

exactly... there is so much at play... I have knitting to do and I'm a bit burned out... so best I keep a low profile and enjoy my quiet life for now. I still dream of tripping over thor coming out of the local library...

@Ad4hubby or at least his hammer KA-THUNK!
smile009.gif

3

They say there is someone for everyone. It is a lot harder to locate them. When some factors are eliminated. I also think that with all the fakes from past experiences from dating websites make it even harder to detect the real thing when it comes along. I often make the mistake of may be not dumbing down some. The chaos in my head is organized but only in my index system.

azzow2 Level 9 Jan 29, 2018
3

All right now..... write a gratitude list. Your probably doing ok... better than others? Better than you use to be? What can you do to change things. I always use a route cause analysis to determine how and why. It better explains what action needs to be addressed. I'm a pilot. 99% of the time it's pilot error. That tells me it's my fault something caused the problem. I see I'm the problem. Ok... how can I address it and solve it.
Just trying to help you out... it sucks...but it's true.

4

The "magic" is nice, but it is fleeting.
There is something to be said for companionship and having someone to share the responsibilities of life with, but there is very little pizzazz there.

phil21 Level 7 Jan 29, 2018
4

When it comes to relationships, I often say I live in the Dilemma that, what I want I can't have and what I can have I don't want. Life's a bitch.

jlynn37 Level 8 Jan 29, 2018
2

Definitely not a cheesy dating site, just a cheesy question and answer site lol smile007.gif

5

The site was presented to me as a dating site, but I thought the premise was interesting. I wasn't wrong. I'm glad I joined, though I do not expect to find anyone I want to date here.

Focus on that... and that's what'll happen...

I'm focused on being me, and I'm quite content with that. If some one wants to be themselves with me, well that sounds nice.

6

Love this. All true for me too. It's a bittersweet place to be in life -- to love your own life and yet not have someone to share it with.

Lydiaeli Level 6 Jan 29, 2018

I'm not giving up hope in finding the right woman for me.

3

So was there magic yesterday with coffee. ?

He's a wonderful man. I don't think he's the one for me.

@Ad4hubby I have had 2 dates with wonderful women who don't choose me for more AND I TURNED DOWN 2 phone callers as impossible homebound fantasy gals. ...they need a millionaire to pay for the free babysitting grandma's provide

4

I've heard it said that we all want what we can't have. I guess it's human nature.

balou Level 8 Jan 29, 2018
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