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Who is the better parent?

Who is the better parent, men or women?

I believe there is no better parent. Some men are bad fathers and some women are bad mothers.

But in court cases many women win custody.

I'm not alleging that the justice system is preferential to women, it could be that in those cases, then men were irresponsible fathers.

The gender doesn't have anything to do with being a good parent.

But what do most people think?

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Lancer 7 Jan 29

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14 comments

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2

The one who stays.

1

I read a study, which I can't find now in google search, where children of families with fathers and mothers were compared with gay parents, and they were surprised to find the thrive factor to be the women.

Two women, as in a lesbian couple, had more emotionally healthy children than the children of a father and mother.

The children of gay males fared the worst.

I don't quite understand how someone would measure emotional health but okay.

I'd go for economic stability, standard of education, social ability, etc. As factors for a study like that, among other criteria.

@Lancer Could have been..I think it said something about thriving, and it named the criteria looked at, but I don't remember off-hand.
I speed read, so read articles from my many science news feeds, hundreds of Kindle books, many on gender issues, but this was probably an article, since it had a "new study" in it.

No worries.

I still think that good parenting still depends on the individuals not the gender but there could very well be a correlation with gender. I just wouldn't have any knowledge on that.

0

My parents were very different types of parents. My father was more the warm personality while my mother was rather reserved.

0

Our court system here prefers to award joint custody, and the level of care provided by each parent may vary. I had shared custody of my children, but the ex made problems, lots of problems and finally the court awarded me sole custody without me asking for it. I have no doubt I am a better parent than she is but this is only one case and I am biased. I believe in many cases, each parent is as good a parent as the other.

0

The courts should allow the kids to decide. Yes, even a three y/o kids "knows".

0

woman aren't better parents at there part of parenting and there are always exceptions but generally, i would say woman are more needed at least at the beginning myself.

0

IMHO, the courts gives the kids to the mother for something that is known as "tradition". I don't doubt in the past the courts wanted the man to be free to date / marry again....while the same system saw the women as individuals who shouldn't think about a second chance in life....and having to take care of the kids was a great way to reduce said chance to a minimum.
No wonder Kramer vs. Kramer was so successful.

I have heard the comment "women mourn but men remarry". I always wonder who do the men remarry? (once the kids are grown some women become cougars and go on the hunt).

@JackPedigo Dear, if a man can become a sugar-daddy (in a fruitless effort to recover youth) a woman has the right to go cougar/ (personally I think is stupid to go cougar but to each its own).

@DUCHESSA "Dear" that is much, much better than some of the names I have been called! Not to sound too clinical but to me it is basically a cost/benefit analysis. If I am to be a 'sugar daddy' I would expect something tangible in return. Sex is not just for the youth so it is not what I would call 'tangible'. Commonalities, companionship, intelligent conversations, financial sharing and on are tangible.

As far as cougar goes if it's okay for the male why not the female? It's funny but women much older than I have always seemed attracted to me. As I age so do the women (my neighbor - who is 87 - and I have great rapport). There never seems to be a balance.

@jackpedigo i am sure a sugar-daddy only wants the tangible things you mention. Sure.

@DUCHESSA I forgot to mention when I retired, even though I had a small income, it was my sugar-momma that kept me for 8 years. After moving to the island then I became the sugar-daddy.

@JackPedigo Lovely.

2

I could see an argument for women being more likely the better parent on average based on physiology, traditional gender roles/exposure to the kids, evolutionary biology (non-monogamy, female fitness), etc. But it also comes down to how you define "better parent" because everyone has different approaches. However, research has shown certain parenting styles to be better than others.
It seems easier for men to be irresponsible fathers/the worse parent due to the ability to abandon & often the distancing that occurs naturally.

Sometimes what is commonly seen as "abandon or distance" is actually a pragmatic approach.

For example, when I was a kid my dad would fly around the world working almost 18 hour days and only getting time to sleep on planes. He was burning himself out so that my sister and I could have a good childhood, go to a great school and have enough money so that we wouldn't have to worry about financial problems.

Men generally take pragmatism over emotion. It may not be right but it is how men usually are.

Also I can't speak much on the "men being irresponsible" part because from my personal experience. Some mums, although they are kind, don't quite think things through all the way. I won't use any specific examples but I can say that my friends and I have all seen the dark side from our mothers.

That's a case by case of course. I can understand that approach - both my parents have used it as well. I was thinking more along the lines of my step dad. He has that 'old school' approach where he thinks if he works & gives them that pat on the back, doing the bare minimum, he's doing enough & is entitled to their affections. He'll sit in his room playing video games or whatever else - is in the same house but distances himself so much that his kids barely know him. But since he's 'the father' he doesn't have .to engage, help out, etc. when they need him to be involved in their daily lives. He might call that pragmatic, I call that being a shitty parent.

Fair enough. Parents that only do the bare minimum are usually pretty bad.

2

What bothers me the most is most judges give strong preference to a religious church going person over an atheist regardless of which one is the better person and more financially stable.

I've never heard of that happening before but I don't doubt that it happens. It's sad to see religion influencing the legal system.

And this happens because ignorance REACHES TO ALL LEVELS.

7

The better parent is the one or both that prioritizes the child's/children's needs and best interest.

Historically mothers were the caregivers/nurtures and in charge of discipline and early education (manners, right and wrong, conflict resolution etc.) in the family so the courts traditionally left the children with their mothers unless proof of unfitness was supplied.

Changes though slow to be implemented have made it easier for the courts to determine custody with different options that are available depending on the evidence submitted.

In my opinion, parents who love their children but must dissolve their union should for the love of their children negotiate their own co-parenting agreement in the best interest of their children's welfare and leave the courts out of it.

Betty Level 7 Jan 29, 2018

@Heathen2

You are to be commended for stepping up. Grief can often make parenting difficult but it can also help to heal. Your daughter is one lucky girl. 🙂

@Heathen2

I agree, there are some good stories in the bible much are based on good old fashion common sense but so are the morals of Grimms Fairy Tales. 🙂

4

i see we all voted the same, lol i like you people.

7

Consistency and reliability are what make a good parent, not gender. Women generally received custody in the past because they were the ones who were responsible for raising the children.

When I divorced my son's father, he didn't want custody, barely picked him up for visitation and never paid child support after he started another family. Honestly, I was a married single mother long before the split.

I agree! The better parent is the responsible and reliable one; not just the sperm or egg donor.

7

The bests parent is the ones that pays attention to the kids and leaves the ego in the dung heap.

4

Women are favored in court cases due to traditional sex roles.

Heavily favored! Men have very nearly no chance at all.

@Reignmond

[scfamilylaw.com]

My lawyer told me not to even try to fight for custody unless my daughter's mother was a proven ax murder. It was good advise!

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