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Is it right to only stay with your partner for the sake of the kids?

Kitty-kosmo85 4 Jan 30
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44 comments

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No. If you parents are miserable they well will sense it and it will affect them just as much, if not more.

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Situation specific. I guess if you can find a way be 'friends' with the other parent of your child, yes. If there is conflict, no. Marriage is essentially for child rearing.

GinoG Level 4 Aug 4, 2018
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That depends on how toxic the relationship is. I did that and regretted it, but it did allow me to protect my daughter.

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No, not in my opinion. You are putting yourself and your partner under stress and that isn’t good for the kids

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For me it's a little more complicated than just "yes" or "no." If a relationship is toxic, then it's best to get those kids out of there ASAP. If there are serious unresolved issues in the relationship, even though they're not talked about, they could still be a problem. There's an old saying in acting classes: "It reads." That means that a lot of the preparation actors do isn't necessary going to "be visible" in the show, but "it reads." It's there, and the audience recognizes it whether they realize that or not. So if those issues are present, it's best to address them.

But depending on the age of the kids, and if you're able to get along, it might help. Parents breaking up can have a significant impact on a child's psyche. But there are all those other factors that should be considered.

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In this day and age I think it's ok to move on. Many of my friends have children from previous relationship and have maintained healthy enough relationships with the ex for the sake of the kids. But to stay in an unhealthy situation teaches the children to settle for unhappiness and I think that does far more damage in the long run.

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Me and my ex split as we knew are relationship was not good and was toxic for the girls

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Children learn from your example so ask yourself: what would you want them to learn for when they are in the same situation? The answer is probably something along the lines of: “Don’t run at the first sign of trouble but don’t remain in an untenable situation for the sake of others. Be kind but not weak. If things don’t work out be respectful and work together as best as you can for the good of your children. But don’t be afraid to go your way and be happy” What you really don’t want them to learn is that it’s acceptable to sacrifice your own happiness for others and then poison everything with quiet resentment.

Skald Level 2 Feb 4, 2018
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In most cases no. I lived separately in the same house for over a year trying to avoid dissolution of the family unit. The marriage was dead an there is no way to hide that from children. Worse, lacking context, they are going to mistake the battleground they live in for an actual relationship. Kids smell insincerity instinctively. Don't make it their whole world.

On the other hand, my parents met when they were 15 and have been married for 56 years. Did they ever, in 56 years, "keep it together for the kids"? I don't know. But if they did, they made the right choice. They are happily one.

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I would live with a monster rather then leave my kids..

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My parents did......didn't do us kids any good. Or maybe because they were Catholic. Or maybe because that's what people did in those days.
Or maybe it was fear of life without it. You know he/ she starts to feel like a pair of old socks...or dirty underwear.

Damaged me anyway. It was a screwed up household

I didn't stay together for the kids.....I became a Dad when I got divorced.
I'm happier now. I am also sorry that we hurt each other in the process

twill Level 7 Feb 2, 2018
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No that's on the kids they see and understand more than you think!

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No i don't think so unless you work together well in witch case its not just for the children, you jive together well.

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I echo the majority opinion which is a resounding no.

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No cause they will see but if ur good at hiding it ,,,it might work

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No. Your kids can tell and you will be miserable.

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No, my ex and I were together for eight years and have a beautiful and brilliant three year old. With the way things were spiraling downward in our relationship, it would have skewed her understanding of a healthy relationship. Better to end it before becoming bitter and having that rub off on the kids.

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Simple answer, I would say no, I stayed for 6 years on that basis, still left in the end, it was still problematic, and 6 years of stress and sadness.

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Your kids will pick up on the animosity and will eventually act out on it. Why show your kids to keep doing something you dislike. Encourage your kids to have a respectful relationship. Otherwise they will have the monkey in the box syndrome and repeat what they learn at home in their relationships..

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No, and if there is abuse definately not. Speaking as a low wage divorced single mom though, It is very hard on your own even if father is around and paying support. I don't regret the divorce and I am nearly ill when if I think about him in my home again let alone my bed. I do regret how hard it is on the kids and the strain it caused on my relationsips with my family. Every situation is different. Only the people involved can make that decision.

MsAl Level 8 Jan 30, 2018
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No. It'll do more harm than good. Kids aren't stupid.

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No....and if you ask the kids they will be the first to tell you is not.

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no as the kids as well as you both suffer. there not stupid.

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Kids are resilient, they can rebound from a breakup faster that the adults, but you have to make it easy for them. Put them first in your decisions and actions.

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I did. It was not a good situation. I don’t recommend it.

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