Holds out both hands.. in one hand is a blue pill.. in the other hand is a red pill.

If you need to feel your membership in a church, temple, or mosque will somehow justify things, maybe you just like lies and fairytales to justify your existence. I can not see how being lied to about the false beliefs that come from the area of so many wars, could make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside then by all means go ahead and believe their falsehoods and live the lie of a believer.

No, I haven’t. This isn’t an all or none scenario.
You e been raised religious. You don’t have to cut ties. Give it some time. You are breaking up with Jesus and God. That will take time, don’t rush. You won’t have many people to talk to about it unless you go to college. There you will likely find mass hordes of non believers. Normal transgression don’t sweat it. It’s a Brave New World.

Well, that's the entire point of this site. To provide a community for atheists who've been alienated from their local community and who need the company of their fellow "heathens". And to provide support for those who are going through a crisis, like you are.

Now... I've pretty much always been an atheist. I was impervious to the pressure I faced in primary school, I'd stopped reciting the Lord's Prayer by 6. So perhaps I'm not the best person to talk about this. But I can say that there are a lot of people who've been through the exact same things you have, and they'll always be here to help.

But for my tuppence, don't go back to religion for the sake of comfort. You'll never be rid of doubt, and it'll keep gnawing away at you. Intellectual honesty is more important.

These may help...(also see many of the posts here, as many have & are going through the same things)

If you're an atheist that means you don't believe in a god or gods. You're not breaking up with a real person, you're breaking up with your indoctrination. It's healthy! Now go for a walk in the woods!

Yes, I found that losing my faith felt almost like a bereavement. I knew for a long time that the Bible made no sense and that religion was more about people and control, than God and answers. After I finally admitted to myself that my belief was failing I felt guilty and lost.

I did feel like I should replace religion with something, but I never found that something... And after some time, I found it no longer needed replacing. I just healed.

It was, however, a while before I felt like my social life had recovered. Sadly most of my religious friends couldn't let me be an atheist... And I found it harder to not try to save them from the church, so eventually I lost contact with most of them. I have wonderful friends now, that I made naturally in the course of life. Some are believers and some are not, but we met outside of religion, so it's never been a defining factor in our relationship.

My advice to you- don't feel like you have to be happy about leaving your faith behind right now, it is hard when you have had a life intertwined with it. But, don't be afraid to look forwards, you will feel better in the future, and you will slowly meet people who are friends with you, not your belief in God. Eventually you will love your freedom of mind, you will wonder how you ever lived under the shadow of faith. You will find a beautiful world of people who want to live for life's sake, and not just for the reward of death.

When I first acknowledged that the god I'd been taught to believe in couldn't possibly exist, my first feelings were that God had betrayed me. Which was super weird because I was feeling like a being that I knew didn't exist had betrayed me....

Religion messes with your head. You will work through these things over time.

The post below me... "There is no shame in survival" I feel is the best thing posted here. You are 18 and presumably living with your parents. Do what you need to do to survive! That doesn't help... I know. But the only thing that is going to help you here, I feel, is time. You need time to sort out your own feelings. Those feelings are ones that need to originate from within YOU. In my mind, having someone here tell you what to do is just as bad as having the church tell you what to do... You need to discover on your own what path is best for you! It's not easy and sometimes it is downright SCARY... But that is what we all face at some point.

Tell your friends and family that you need space to get through this and that if they push... They risk pushing you away and YOU don't want that... They shouldn't either.

Come back here and read and post. I never went through what you are going through... I had different life experiences. But others here have and I would think it would be a great support group for you to help figure things out!

Some people's Canmore live with out religion, others cannot live with it, just try to not lose the friend s even if you don't want to mess with the church now

Nope. I was glad to be rid of the church and to stop having to justify an obviously misogynistic, blood-thirsty Hebrew god who told us to love and obey him or burn forever. Even Jesus said that.

As for Christians, they are miserable, filled with fear of hell, only coming to church and going through the motions to keep up peer approval.

Yes! I was raised in church and it still seems so odd to have Sundays "to myself" (I work weekends and have an 8yo, no day is to myself). But more than that is the community. The UU (Unitarian universalist church) accepts all fairths, or lack thereof, and provides that sense of community. I personally found it in our home school co-op.

Dear imahermit,
You are entitled to feel any way you feel, and yes, this is a great place to share. Smart young woman!

I never went through this, so I can't offer any personal advice, but I heard a podcast recently and there was an author 3/4 way through it who is a therapist for people who are leaving the faith. Her name is Marlene Winell. She has a website and books. She's awesome. What you're experiencing is called Religious Trauma Syndrome. It's very real, and entirely common.

Seth Andrews: Religious Trauma Syndrome -

Her website is journeyfree.org/rts. She says it's not that easy to unprogram, but it happens. I think you'll relate to her. This is a little from her site:

*Religious Trauma Syndrome has a very recognizable set of symptoms, a definitive set of causes, and a debilitating cycle of abuse. There are ways to stop the abuse and recover.

Symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome:

• Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism, difficulty with decision-making

• Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning

• Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, sexual difficulty, behind schedule on developmental tasks

• Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music)

Causes of Religious Trauma Syndrome:

Authoritarianism coupled with toxic theology which is received and reinforced at church, school, and home results in:

• Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested

• Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities -information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned

• External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source

• Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline*

From Me: Kayakwoman

You're still young, so you have every chance to heal from this. I would recommend that wherever you go for college, there will be college therapists who specialize in the kind of adjustments all freshman make when leaving home. Don't hesitate to walk right in and ask for help. That's why they're there. They love to help young people because you have so much potential to heal and really become your best self!

One thing from me, personally: You can make your own promise to yourself to always be your best advocate, and trust your own instincts, and always do what's best for yourself. Part of the religious conditioning starts with undermining your own confidence in your own powers: So, I'll just say that I believe in you, not imaginary spooks in the sky. You should believe in yourself, too!!!

BIG HUG!!!

I would bet that some of your church friends have serious doubts as well (at least the intelligent ones). you can at least come to terms with your true feelings & leave the hypocrisy behind.

You are going through the classical existential crisis. You are realizing that there is no external force to provide you meaning and answers. You feel alone in the universe and realize that on other person will ever really understand you. But, that is okay. You are free to define yourself and to create your own meaning and understanding. You are free to choose and forge your own path by your choices and actions. Bu,t you are also responsible for your own choices and actions and their consequences, for in each case, you could have chosen otherwise.

It is time to celebrate your freedom and to simply move ahead -- not to be puzzled and overwhelmed. It is up to you -- and no one else.

I dealt with something similar. But it all fell away when I asked myself if I would prefer to be (not) protected by a comfortable lie or face uncomfortable truth??

Its natural to feel an emptiness after leaving the Church. It will get better.

But seriously, there is a blog on Patheos.com; "Ignorance and defective thinking styles lead to religious superstition." #38315

My son, have you been introduced to the Flying Spaghetti Monster? He was boiled for your sins and his noodly embrace will feed you with maranara from heaven! Praise Cheeses! OR perhaps Dudeism is for you. Whatever, man.

Sorry, I never experienced what you are going through. Maybe it's because I've been a pretty solitary individual most of my life. The church was never about community for me. Hopefully you'll glean some insight from these comments and eventually get past this.

I think you're grieving hon, for the life you had, and that is to be expected. How couragous you are. Be kind to yourself, be patient. It will get easier.

Yes, I went through that. I even kept praying...not formally, but just talking to “God” in my head. It was a long, emotional journey away...and I was flooded with doubts, few people to talk to, and I believe it’s a natural phase, much like any big change brings. I’d say keep talking about your feelings...I’m sure just posting this helped you. Be well!

I experienced something a little like that. I was raised by strict evangelicals, so having church and Christianity force fed to me most my life did cause a bit of separation anxiety; however, having come to the point of non-belief I also felt a sense of weight being lifted from my shoulders. I’m still somewhat new to agnosticism though.

Not really something I went through myself but I am (or was) definitely a loner at that time. I also always had a ton of unconventional ideas but that wasn't always easy growing up in the ultra-conservative area I did in Canada.
I moved a lot and explored the world, near and far to better understand all people not just the ones that I grew up around. I didn't find I had or needed an outlet to share much of what I believed. I partied and made friends, moved away made new friends and life was became very satisfying when I stopped focusing on what I didn't have.

I guess be thankful for what you do have. You didn't get to this point in life by accident. The choices you make are always the right ones for you. Remember that and remember you are the only one that can be the best version of you. Coming to terms with a relationship ending that is so deeply ingrained in us is a difficult process but like all obstacles you become a better you working through it.

Keep on you path and know this community is full of people who share this in common. Some will have similar paths to yours and may have some useful advice.

This is a big transition for you. The only advice I really can offer is don't be too hard on yourself, always be honest with yourself and trust that you know what is right for you.

Some people fell some grief when losing their religion.Maybe you are that way? Religion also has a social purpose in people's lives. I hope soon that you will experience all the things that most of us that were devout before we became atheists. As, for hell, most of the world is not Christian, why would a caring being hurt all people that were not Christians by sending them to hell. it is okay to have a special place in your heart for people that have died and things that we leave. I hope that you slowly heal and that the memories become part of who you are instead of causing confusion. Some people fill the whole with other activities. Some go to a U.U. fellowship where no God is mentioned. Some people go to atheist/free thinker meet-up for friendship. I hope you find a new place or person (s) that accepts you for who you are.