I have a 14 and a 9 year old, both girls. They are both good kids but the older one has become quite rude selfish and snide. It is natural. Try not to get drawn in and pick your fights.

Tell them it's your way or the highway because they're getting older and bigger. if there bad now and you leave it you will suffer. they need waking up I think.

First, make it clear, in a non-hostile manner, to the older child that such behavior is destructive and will not be tolerated. Tell him or her that you love him or her, but not the behavior. Let it be known that if he or she persists in the behavior that there will be a price to pay,, and that if he or she has to pay that price, it is his or her choice. Cite alternative behaviors which are acceptable.

With the younger child, talk to him or her and ask him or her not to make the choices that the older child has made, and point out how the older child's behavior is hurtful.

My very best and sincere suggestion is to go to parenting classes. I waited waaaaaaayyyy too long -- my daughter was 15 or so. Had I gone YEARS earlier, I'd have been a better parent and parenting would have been tons easier. I have ZERO doubt about that.

There are beliefs behind behaviors; things that actually work; things that don't work; and on and on and on. Honestly, it really is too much for anybody to put into a "Here do this" paragraph.

If you are interested in really learning some methods that do work as opposed to quick fixes (trust me, they do not exist), check out this web site (link below) and think about taking a class. They have online and in-person, but I think in-person would be more helpful. They also have books, flash cards, and other tools. I enjoyed it so much -- and LEARNED so much -- that I went a second time with my sister (who was struggling with parenting). She loved it too.

The classes, books, seminars and other tools are all related to the philosophy of, and program developed by, Jane Nelson and are what I am specifically recommending (to help you differentiate by other products out there).

[positivediscipline.org]

I just looked real quick - they now have classes everywhere - all over the world. Very cool.

Don't yell at them when he or she does something wrong ..Sit him down and talk to him try and get to know him if you don't..It could be that he is going through some kids staff..let himknow that you will always be there for him and show him love..it works give it a try

Change the WiFi password

Tie any rewards, pocket money etc to behaviour. Enjoyable days out were the best motivators for my kids, a week of perfect behaviour and they knew I would drop all else and take them to the coast or whatever. I was lucky though, I hardly has any problems with mine.

Depending on the kid, and your partner, if any, you could try giving the kids more adult responsibility.

If you treat them as though they are intelligent and competent, people often rise to the occasion. Also, being willing to listen to them and play with them, doing things they enjoy sometimes. Depends, though.

I found that bait, not punishment is what works with older kids especially, but all kids, really.
I would give them special privileges if they did their chores without being reminded, gave a certain amount of cash for high grades, or just promise permission for them to go somewhere special if they achieve all A's, for instance. etc.

Sometimes even the smallest excuse to succeed will work. That works for adults, also.