Sorry for your loss and don’t know how you should deal with it as I still have my wife of 42 years. Hope it get better for you eventually.

My husband passed away after an 89 day battle with a very rare nondifferentiated cancer (cells reverted back to embryonic). I have since raised our two kids completely on my own with the nearest family four states away. It's been 11 years. My youngest starts college this fall.

I've never lost a spouse by death, but have lost both parents, an aunt, and a sister-in-law and it took me a long time to recover.
Losing a spouse sounds difficult.

Awe, that's so sad. I can relate to the kids thing. When my fiance was alive, his three daughters were with us a lot (weekends, vacations, holidays) and his youngest was positively glued to my hip. I've seen them one time since his funeral -- about a month later. With my fiance's estranged sister taking lead, she teamed up with his ex-wife and they made the many following months a living nightmare for me. I miss him. I miss his kids. Take care, NFA.

I have not lost spouse, but I am responding to you, because, you seem to be in a hurting place at the moment. I am so sorry. Sometimes, the best laid plans fall to pieces. It also sounds like you miss the kids? Have you made it known that you would like to spend time with them, if they would? Maybe, you could plan to take them to movie or something? They have lost their mom, it is a shame that you have been lost to them, too! Ofcourse, I don't know your sitution, but children hurt for all their losses and you are still here. I know that it had to be hard and I hope it gets better for you as time goes on. I am sure that your wife would have wanted you to be happy again, as soon as you could...so keep that in mind,

My previous wife died 11 years ago, we had been married 13 years. Long illness for which I was sole caregiver. Both of my children were from a previous marriage, she had none, and we had none together. But I understand the thanklessness of raising (step)children. I have two stepchildren with my current wife. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing would happen were their mother to die. I will say though, while the son would not be very good at maintaining our relationship, he would allow me to take the initiative. I could have that for the asking ... or blow it off for the not asking. Is he a turd? Kind of. But it's a personality thing. He's super introverted, and he's equal-opportunity: he makes zero effort toward his biological Dad or his sister or pretty much anyone else. It's immaturity, and he's a late bloomer, interpersonally speaking. Way too heady for his own good. But he's worth knowing, he has incredible integrity and fortitude and I've promised his mother that if anything should happen to her I will stay in close touch with him. And I keep my promises.

I have way too much experience with out-of-turn death. My son died at age 30 just under 2 years ago, my oldest brother died of bone cancer, my mother died in a car accident. Also a good friend and his wife died in a crash with a drunk driver, orphaning their six adopted children. My surviving child, a daughter, is currently pregnant at age 39 despite a heart condition, so who knows how THAT will go. There seems to be no upper limit to what you can endure and come back from. It varies from person to person, but you are likely toward the tail end of the active grieving process. If there's one thing I wished I'd done between this and my prior marriage, it's get out more, figure myself out a little better. There are things that are easier to do in a relationship, and things that are easier to do out of one. For example I wish I'd traveled more, experiencing things without having to cater to someone else's sensibilities. Take advantage of that. Being a widower isn't all bad news. I would say that my widower years were both the loneliest and best of my life. I just didn't fully recognize the "best" part of it

I am sorry for your lost.

So sorry. I was married for three years and had two children. Then I was a single parent for a long time (divorced). Later on I married a man older than me by fourteen years. He was a wonderful husband and father to my girls. He has been gone now for seventeen years. It took me a very long time to come out of the fog. However I am finding that life is good. I have lots of activities. Hang in there It gets better.

My wife died 5.5 years ago. She took her own life.

I was widowed at 19. My husband, 24, was killed by a drunk driver. We'd only been married for three months.
I'm sorry for you loss. Have you tried reaching out to the kids? If they're young, it may not have occurred to them that they could contact you.