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You slept with how many?

Do you think it's appropriate or inappropriate to ask someone you're dating how many sexual partners they have had?

  • 37 votes
  • 16 votes
  • 16 votes
SonderOpia 8 Feb 1
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40 comments

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1

A bald-faced question like that would turn me off! With some teasing & coaxing, I might quote Bette Midler: " way up in double digits", lol!

13

Anyone's "number" is no one else's business. The only thing anyone has a right to know is if you've got any STDs. Or stalkers. Or outstanding warrants that might get them shot inadvertently.

12

I don't need to know how many sexual partners someone has had before I came into the picture.
I appreciate experience and do not care where they got it.

Fairly certain I would not answer such a question either.

yeah but i do need to know how many positions .........uh and oh you said uh whaa oh pictures yeah i want to know if they have any pictures..........

@mangro I'm not insane enough leave any kind of evidence lol

11

Sometimes, I think my answer should be "enough," but the reality is that my answer is "not enough."

You know, since I'd like to have sex again at some point. And it's not likely I'd return to a former partner, so... yeah.

8

The old rule of thumb used to be however many partners a man said divide by five and you'll be closer to the truth and if it was a woman multiply by ten.
A friends husband of many years and six kids once felt he had to do the grand confession and admitted to having had 6 or 8 partners before they'd met and she didn't say a word went white as a sheet, so he apologized profusely and she told him it was alright. What he didn't realise is the reason she went as white as a sheet was because she was afraid he was going to ask her how many she'd had, the number was far larger.

Kimba Level 7 Feb 1, 2018

I like this story. I know how she feels. LOL

I find it a turn on if my partner has slept with many people.

7

"Have you been tested recently" might be a better question.

7

It's not important but it is interesting to know. I wouldn't push the question early on in a relationship if my girlfriend was embarrassed to answer ... if we stayed together then I'm sure it would come out, or at least we'd talk about it at some time. I've had very few sexual partners - just never found dating easy so filled my life with fun hobbies and kept busy at work, hoping a nice girl would find me. When I did find a girl we were together a long time before breaking up, and we still chat regularly.

7

I'm just curious is all. I liked to know what I was getting onto--er, into...

Its more concerning to me if you've have 0 partners than if you've had 100*.

If you don't want to tell me it's cool. I don't have any shame about my number, though. Girls these days have more sexual partners by their sophomore year of HS than I've had my whole life. Whatevs.

  • All necessary sexual health stuff aside

@SteveB There's a ceiling, for sure. And anyone who makes such a claim is no one I want to talk to, let alone shag...

@SteveB At 500 girls a year (groupies do it in numbers), that would only take 20 years. Flair was on top of his game for well over 20 years.

7

I'm just nosey. LOL

I think it's perfectly fine to ask that of a friend you have no intention of sleeping with, but then again...experience could be a turn on.

6

Sometimes I just blurt it out myself if I am with open-minded company. I find it humorous so I talk about it when the crowd is right. If they have to ask, they are gonna get embarrassed. I will answer, "Including your mom and your sister?" That'll get em.

Goat Level 5 Feb 1, 2018
5

I always talk sexual history at the beginning of a relationship, but it isn't remotely about the number of partners. It's all about assessing risk of infection. As far as I'm concerned, their most recent negative STI screening sets the counter back to zero. I'm interested only in the risks that they have taken since that test.

So the actual number, I'd consider none of my business. Their sexual history, very much so.

My OB-GYN told me that when you go get tested for STDs STIs they only test you for Aids / HIV, syphilis, hepatitis A B& C and chlamydia. However there are 27 STDs STIs. They only test you for the other ones if you show symptoms so you would have to already have the STD STI before they would test you for it. You can talk to your doctor about this if you'd like but this is what my OB-GYN told me. It's also on my paperwork because I try to get tested every year to every two years. I like to keep up with my health.

4

Once the lids off this kind of box there's no getting it Back on ... I can foresee big problems ....

4

I wouldn't ask. I'm 58. I first had sex when I was 13. I don't think I've had loads of partners but i certainly can't remember everyone, so at best I could only give a guesstimate

4

If you ask ,there is a good possibility they are going to give you the answer you want to hear and not the truth so why ask in the first place

4

Gee, I can see it having a chilling effect, but I don't think it is an unfair question.

4

Not sure why it would matter, but I am asked it kind of often. I never inquire about their total, as it truly makes no difference. My answer does not take my dick out of any past partners, or remove the ones they have had inside them. Only the insecure want to know

Exactly! This question, depending on the context and at what stage in a relationship, can be a huge red flag.

4

I like to know, just for risk analysis. I don't mind if I am asked. I guess it could be offensive if the person was judgmental or jealous about it.

MsAl Level 8 Feb 1, 2018

yes health reasons

You can sleep with one person and still get an STD / STI. It only takes one.

@btroje Yes I don't care much about it but I don'tthink it's unreasonable to be concerned if people have been careful. I've never asked anyone usually they talk about it if its anything more than a few times. I've always been open about it.

3

Did you ever see "Don Juan Dimarco" with Johnny Depp ????

Yes

3

If they are currently seeing those partners it's a slightly different matter. That's a subject for negotiation between the parties involved.

3

The real question is, why do you want to know?

Because I'm nosy. I want to be all up in your business. Plus I like to know if you've had more or less than me LOL

@SonderOpia It's more than I can count on my two hands and feet.😛

2

That question is just a reflection of the degree of intimacy. There is nothing negative about a high or low number so why not share? It can be a turn-on to talk about.

100% agree

2

No good can come from the answer.

2

i see most folks seem its not appropriate ,,I feel it is and not a big deal.. well I guess I'm an open book ...lol

You and me both.

2

I am interested in knowing just out of sheer curiosity...but I also know that it's none of my business. If we are having a conversation about partners or something relayed, I might ask. I am not offended if they would rather not say.

2

I know my wife slept with a few men before we met. I don't think it's any of my business, and I don't really want to know who, or how many.

2

I am 64 and Latino that had lived all over half the creation. Do you want to ask me that question? I wouldn't and I had never asked that question to any one I ever met.

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