@RandyWells exactly. When someone is dead they no longer exist so what exactly is being prayed for...a mythical fairy tale thing, a memory, a guilty conscience that forgot to give the person permission to die before they did, the memory of a person who failed to give the survivors permission to carry on living after their death, a guilty conscience for not having spent time with the deceased when they were alive?

And why does everyone use the word passing? Cars are passing on the freeway, stools pass through the bowels, ships pass through the canal, camels do not pass through the eyes of needles and death is not a passing condition like zits and sunburn. Animals and people die, cark it, leave the merry-go-round, expel their last breath or fart, have their last heart beat, expire, kick the bucket, cease to live.

Memories of the deceased can live on in the memories of those who wish them to live on. It is up to the living to chose how often and how they will allow those memories to affect their wellbeing at that point of memory reoccurrence.

I hope that you have realistic memories of your brother that allow you to enhance your life at the time of memory.

My husband of 46 years died last March and I was regaled with a well-meaning neighbor's nonsense like, "he's in a better place," etc. Her well-meant but stupid remarks inspired me to write the book I'm presently working on entitled "Lives After Death" which is a manual not only for those in grief as to what they need to accomplish and how to go on after a loss but it's also a guide for people who encounter those in grief so they can avoid saying things that inflict unintentional pain and offer REAL help. My neighbor ASSUMED I am christian (hah!) but the salient point is that even if my husband WAS in some fairy tale "better place" I was in a far worse place and her statement was of zero comfort and probably would have had no comfort even if I did believe in some magical sky daddy. I hope my book will open eyes to the fact that we are not taught to acknowledge, much less deal with death. My sympathies to all who have endured a loss!!

I understand and for what it is worth I am sorry for your loss.

When someone I know loses a relative I usually make them food and bring it. That is the only thing I know how to do.

I believe that most them do not say a prayer, it is just what they have been programmed to say their whole lives. I usually just say you are in my thoughts.

I’m sorry for your loss. What I say when people die is that your loved ones leave you with memories versus just leaving.

People want to feel like they are helping, or are concerned with your wellbeing and don’t want to feel powerless in easing your pain in the transition of life without a loved one, unless it’s random spammers saying it, I’d cut them slack by translating it to, “We wish we knew how to help you not hurt because it clearly does.”

Randy... I'm not taking up for christians. I'm saying that those well wishing christians are only showing empath and sympathy towards your well being in handling this sad occasion. They are genuinely wanting to express their concern in a loving way. NOTE: I despise christian leaders and I'm concerned for the followers. They will eventually graduate towards OUR CULTURE. I Will welcome them with open arms. I am sorry for your loss. I have one sister left. Everyone else has dyed... it sucks but I'm doing ok today.

So very sorry for your loss

What can you do? my sister died last Feb and asked to not have a funeral as she didn't want money wasted and didn't believe in all that crap. she wanted her ashes poured into the river where my dads were poured. her partner did exactly the opposite and still has her ashes. it pissed me right of and I didn't go.

Maybe they are and then maybe not...they may have been enslaved at birth and don't know the difference! But, maybe you are in need of a little tlc? Loosing your brother hurts! I do know about that, I lost my brother a few years back! I was there when my brother came into this world and I was there when he left...and it hurt! Not so much now, but on occasion it will bit me. I am so sorry your brother had to go, too. Don't get carried away with the 'world' just now, you need your energy for your healing..my best to you

It's difficult...I just said thank you...to be polite when such things happen to me.

It's what Christians say when they don't know what else to say. It's a space filler and makes them feel like they're helping.
However, sometimes it is basically the christians' way of saying, "it sucks to be you."

I think what they mean is they will pray for your grief to abate.

What should we say? I totally agree "thoughts and prayers" is kind of crap. Is "I am sorry for your loss" enough... I have said it and ment it. You can't say "I know how you feel". Is there a better way to communicate your empathy?

1st so sorry for your loss.
They're praying for your Mother to survive the loss. Or somehow for the loss to be lessened by prayer. At least this is the motivation I always got from that sentiment. - I'm more about the "Why don't you offer to take her out in a month? Just to talk?". Check in by phone. Stop by and help out. Thoughts and prayers don't really give you a thing. People who say "How can I help?" and actually mean it are gold.

I am sorry for you loss... I am the only one left now that 2 boys are gone... still all my 4 sisters around. But don't take it personal or to heart... they are just saying what is been said for many ages. Just lost in november brother in law... my sister is devastated. Is going to take some time. Death is part of living. I used to say to him 7 years my junior.. I will outlive you and I will dance in your grave... now that he is the first one I ever told that to die... I am not finding it anymore funny. I won't say it anymore. Wish you the best.

May love and light surround you during this time of darkness. May memories and recollections of your brother bring you comfort and peace.

When my late partner was dying we heard some of these comments. When they came she would point her finger at me and wiggle them (she had a brain tumor that affected her speech). I reminded one guy (that knew her) that as a lifelong atheist why did he say this. He said it was just a figure of speech. So I said that therefore he didn't really mean it.

I am very sorry for your loss. I'm equally sorry you are being inundated with stupidity, and insensitivity. You won't get any of that bullshit here.