Wow, tough one! I'd probably have my own Memorial for him and invite my friends and relatives. I could get away with that because he has made me his beneficiary and next of kin. His dad can grieve in his own way. He isn't related to me anymore.

Assuming the divorced mother insisted on a religious funeral would definitely speak to the officiator and instruct him to announce during his service that your philosophy of non belief must be respected by sympathisers - that they should refrain from using religious statements (such as the unhelpful "he's in a better place" ) in their remarks to you.

If the deceased is your child you may find closure in attending a funeral but it's entirely up to you. Personally I find funerals horrible ordeals meant to enrich the death industry and perpetuate religion's hold on the superstitious. When my husband of 46 years died I had no funeral - just made the announcement, had him cremated and all the necessary paperwork.

If it was my son, I would go to the funeral. No question. I would have more reason to attend than anyone else there. I wouldn't give a shit what any of them had to say. It's not about anything else but saying goodbye to the flesh and getting whatever type of closure you can get. Be mature enough to walk through the bullshit. There is no "letting the world be the world". It will be regardless whether you want it to be or not. Be secure in yourself enough and don't be a child. Not YOU, but in general is what I mean. I have attended services in churches for loved ones. Voodoo bullshit imaginary friends or those beliefs will not stop me. Oh and as for the t-shirt.....what? It's not about you or your ego or making a spectacle. You don't have to explain shit to them.

I would choose not to attend, but certainly not out of disrespect or affection for the son. And, I would not offer any explanation-- as I would really own any explanation to anyone.

The first part is not irrelevant, it’s a source of frustration beyond losing a son, a key example of what it would be like in this situation. Just because something does not bother one, does not mean it would not bother another. I have a hard time with people who blatantly disrespect my disbelief, so doing it while I’m in a moment of weakness just adds insult to injury.

I agree; the first paragraph of your post seems confusing and irrelevant--if you are asking whether or not one would go to the funeral, as in your second paragraph. But to answer the second paragraph: if I went to the funeral, I would dress appropriately (by their standards) to show my respect for another human being. The funeral is not the place for me to air my personal beliefs in any way.

No. Funerals are for the living, it's part of the process of grieving. Religious rituals are window dressing, the key is that a bunch of LIVING people get together and reconnect or shmooze or whatever.

Two weeks ago, when we lost our dog, we kinda-sorta sat Shivah for her. it kept us going.

Go to your son's funeral if he passes away! And fuck the facebook people.

I would politely explain that I don’t believe in religion, so none of their prayers matter to me, I’m here in memory of my son. They expect a thank you when they say they will pray for you.

I feel like half of what you wrote was really unnecessary since it isn't really directly involved. I mean simply asking "if your loved one dies and you go to their funeral, would you spray prayer pesticide on before entering the building or go in unprotected?"

Either way, I personally don't care, funerals are for personal grief, not so everyone can conform to how I do it myself.