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Sexual compatibility is pertinent in any healthy relationship. You can be the perfect gentleman or hospitable womanβ€”however, if there's nothing going on in the boudoir, that relationship is doomed. Now, there's duality involved in this scenario. Once the zenith of sexuality is obtained (factors of age, health, etc), there must be something else to take its place. The mental aspect must permeate the union. It's a rarity to find the combination of both.

Sapio_Ink 7 Feb 12

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19

My take is that once the cocktail of neurochemicals that (literally deactivate neural networks associated with critical assessment and negative emotions) blind you into thinking you're compatible --- once they start to wane, you had better hope there's more of a foundation (besides sexual compatibility), otherwise, the relationship is doomed.

@Stevil πŸ™‚

I agree, there is no doubt. It's important to have a healthy sexual relationship while you are making love to your best friend.

@paul1967 Well said.

11

THere are some people that may have zero sex drive and get along just fine not doing anything in the bedroom. I look at my parents who have been married 64 years, I am sure early on they had a great sex life but there were probably plenty of times through those years they just chose to stick together out of committment

Personally, I think the issues arise when one partner has a significantly higher or lower sex drive than the other. My ex lost his libido almost completely about 5-10 years into our marriage. Meanwhile mine skyrocketed. In the last 10 years of our marriage, we had sex maybe 4 times. It can cause a tremendous amount of hurt feelings and I felt a complete lack of affection or love from him. He refused to talk about it.

@Marcie1974 yeah, I was just responding to OP statement about "nothing happening n the bedroom"

@btroje I get that. Was just inserting my two cents and what I experienced.

@Marcie1974 good sometimes clarification is good!

8

There are plenty of people that are asexual from the beginning. Sex may be important to you, but it isn't to everyone.

So they should find an a sexual partner πŸ™‚

@PeppermintDreads got you πŸ™‚

@PeppermintDreads and I would think the depth of love and affection can be just as great with two people who are not interested in sex

6

Relationship without sex called a deep friendship?

@Manimshut There are alternative lifestyles to the monogamous model. Some people lead an asexual life. I hope you find contentment.

4

I’m asexual with a high libido. My gf is asexual with low/no libido. I’m a queer man, she’s a femme-preferring queer person. Come May 1st, we’ll have been dating for 3yrs. While we are an open relationship, neither of us have found additional partners we’d like to see. Only once have we discussed having sex, and that was purely based on the fact that my testosterone injections had raised my already high libido. A relationship can be perfectly healthy and happy without sex. It just takes communication, which is easily one of the largest foundations for a happy and healthy, long lasting relationship.

4

Well... in general I believe that the two people should be compatible in every sense... not just in bedroom for the relationship to work out.

Agreed. That's why I stated there's duality that exists.

4

All too true. That's why you need to hold on to the good ones as long as you can.

4

Your still young...sex last a matter of mins (sometimes longer), friendship and lovingness, last a very long time...sometimes a lifetime!

4

To the sapiosexual, you've reversed the process.

Guilty .

4

An emotional connection combined with a physical one is best but if the emotional connection is strong enough and deep enough that can be enough.

3

One of 2 things will kill most relationships - sex or money. If the emotional/ mental bond is strong a relation can weather the storm and be a greater whole with love prevailing.

My grandma use to say, "when poverty strikes, romance goes out the window."

My lawyer added a third item to that list . Mother -in-laws . But there are other problems as well . For instance when there is only one of the two working to maintain the relationship , it eventually becomes too much .

@Cast1es That is very true.

2

I enjoy platonic relationships, why sex is a necessity to be in a relationship I don't see. Perhaps low libido?

2

I disagree with the "doomed" assessment.

I have known of long lasting couple who are together, who just have sex outside the relationship and are honest about it with each other. Honesty just outweighs monogamy for some people.

And thus, the reason why they don't have sex with one another? Do tell.

@Affinis I've never really inquired, as I thought it was "personal". However, they re happy and it works well for them, so I don't criticize.

2

I fall in the catagory that sexual compatibility is essential. I've been in sexless relationships, and discovered that the lack of sex was just a symptom of deeper issues. The cumulative effect being the end of the relationship. My last relationship was great all the way around, since it was so incredible in so many other ways, the sex was phenomenal. Sadly, it ended for really stupid reasons. Having experienced it, I'll never settle for anything less.

What is that quote..
'Lightening never strikes twice in the same spot'...comparisons may rob us of the next best thing?

@Freedompath i know what you're saying. And I'm not thinking specifics, as much as the package.

@Taijiguy...hard to find same patterned giftwrap! Lol. I know what you are saying...there is something that hooks us! It was a long time, before I could give that up! Putting it in words, is easy, revamping the emotional attachment to a mirage...hard to let go of! There are no duplicate people!

2

Oh but when it's there!

1

Agreed. This is why I have been single most of my adult life.

1

Hospitable woman. lol.

0

Your right. sex is important to me but it is also just one part of a healthy relationship.

0

Mature adults can always find a way.

0

Just maybe because I knew of couples over 30 years married were sex was never a factor. It was convenience... they knew each other and tolerated each other with the freedom to whatever. They couldn't see themselves separated from each other but no sparks in the bed. There are all kinds of humans and what may be a priority one for one... is not a top ten for another. To me sparks in the bed is number one need. But I can say that despite what me and my ex mrs had in the bed... when I made the decision to grant her the divorce she wanted... I never slept with her again. The switch was off and we were sexually matched from the very beginning of the relationship but once the switch is off... it is off. And granted by then there was not a healthy relationship to talk about or worth salvage.

0

And if you do find that perfect situation, and then God gets involved, all is lost. Been there, done that.

god takes up a lot of space in bed, s/he is everywhere

0

Ideally there is sexual compatibility, hopefully there is more than that as well. I still go on trips with female friends who have totally lost their libido, or are no longer physical capable.
More like friends than lovers of course yet it is good to have company, even to a point of appearing like a couple sharing a room and such.

0

This is true. The last girl I was with hated sex. Didn't like to cuddle either. I really tried to stay positive throughout and give her what she needed in other areas of our lives but... it poisoned the whole thing. I broke it off after a year.

That may have been more than a mismatch...may be unresolved hurt of some kind!

0

But suppose you get with a lady you thought was an ideal lady.; then you find out she wants to bang after bang after bang. Until you have to say "baby I have to work in the morning. " How and when should you be able to tell if she is just in it for the bed. I know that's not answering your question. Excuse me. However, I think it contrast it

0

Well now, that's dumb.

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