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What bad/good things stand out to you on a dating profile?
Things that make you want to reach out and things that keep you from reaching out?

Crimson67 8 Feb 14

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Another one! This jumped into my head because I just saw one!

A profile with ANY picture "showing off" unclothed or only slightly covered body parts. Whether it's biceps, abs, bootie, genitals, or chest.

YES, I love a toned and healthy body. YES, it's sexy. (Though, being not a taut spring chicken myself, I wouldn't dare hold life and aging against ANYBODY.)

That said, as physically sexy as your six pack is, your HUMILITY that is part of who you are is hands down 1000 times more attractive to me.

In fact, I would not at all be interested or curious about a person showing off ANY part of their body online.

0

The lack of photos and basic info

Lack of basic info for me, I try not no look at photos, just a "me' thing.

I like to know who I'm talking too mostly

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I have a friend who is in a relationship with a pushy mother of three, she's gotten better and they enjoy each others company, but I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment or responsibility. I'm willing to open myself up to someone and put effort into a relationship, but kids make me uncomfortable.

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When they list sex on it, kinda seems presumptuous to me and makes me wonder if that's all they want.

@Crimson67 @geeky1965 Information worth remembering. Many are asexual so why not advertise the fact and not waste other people's time and hopes. Have you read Dr Eric Berne's book "The Games that People Play''. His companion book is "What do you say after hello?" After reading about 360 pages I suggested that "Do you want to come home with me and try to make mutually satisfying love?" Is the adult appropriate response.

@Crimson67 I think companionship would make me read more of their profile! When they list sex, it's a red flag that it's all they are looking for and want. And if someone said " hello, Do you want to come home with me and try to make mutually satisfying love." my reply would be "bye". I want to learn about the person first, and would hope they wanted to learn about me! Sorry Frayedbear, good luck in your quest!

I agree with @geeky1965 and @crimson67 - sex, cuddles, and kissing being specifically mentioned in a profile would be a turn-off to me.

I guess to be fair though, for some people, those things are very high on their list of priorities, or they may be coming out of a sexless relationship so they believe they have to state up front that it's important.

I understand and empathize; and I would still pass that person by.

@FrayedBear hmmm, I wonder why people who are asexual are on a dating site, I have met a few and even though I meet many nice women, not all are compatible, and things go no further, or some become friends only, but when sex is a no go for them, yes, I would like to know and most likely not contact.

@Rugglesby this is a dating site, Not a sex site, and I understand it may be important to you, and I appreciate that. To me I can date and not have sex, at least not right away. I don't want to put the wrong impression out there, for a woman, we love with our hearts, and when we do, we give ourselves completely. I think their are people out there that might be looking for sex, I'm looking for companionship, but if it leads to more, that's great! But by no means is that one of the more important things I'm looking for in a relationship.

@geeky1965 Your assumption and projection. I suggest that you are simply like the hypocritical Queen Victoria creating the impression of strict morality whilst not enjoying unsatisfied pruriency and other's such as @Rugglesby 's and my honesty. 🤓

@FrayedBear your comment about my hypocrisy is wrong, and shame on you. This is a new era, and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of what I want. What I want is companionship, sex is an after thought. Maybe not you, I don't claim to know you even though you claim to know me.There are men who would take advantage of that listing. I'm sure you've never been close to date raped because someone took you to dinner and a movie, being presumptuous thinking that he deserves something from his" investment". So, I am careful not to give anyone the wrong impression of what I want.

@SACatWalker It is, especially in this day and time, hard for both sexes, I hope we can get some of this straightened out in the future.I hope you find what and who you are looking for. I have been with very considerate men, and men who have a sense of entitlement from buying me a dinner. It sounds like you are one of the considerate ones. I'm just careful, maybe too careful. Companionship is what I'm mostly interested in, if it leads to more, that's even better!

@geeky1965 Close to being date raped in the restaurant talking about imaginary obligations. ... no. Sexually molested by female nurses at the age of seven ... yes. But I did know a woman who thought it was her responsibility to thank men who bought her dinner by opening her legs for them. She obviously had her idea about #MagicPudding.

@FrayedBear I'm very sorry for your abuse! It's never an easy thing to live with and different people have different ways of dealing with it.

@geeky1965 I did forget this is also a dating site, I tend to see it more as a discussion forum. My comment re asexual women and not contacting them is true though for me. I have many many female friends, who are purely friends so if looking to date someone I am looking for more at some point. I have a friend who finally after 8 years of chasing me, then pushing me away admitted she was asexual. Yet she still wants a "relationship" whereas I can only consider we have a friendship. She doesn't like me having female friends even just as friends. I am really feeling to old for all the confusion.

@Rugglesby I've enjoyed the forum much more then the dating, even though I've gotten a few dates. I really didn't join for dating at all. I joined because I'm an atheist and wanted to meet other atheists. And for the most part, I've found this site to be much more intellectual and thoughtful than most sites. Most people aren't near as judgemental as say, facebook. I'm enjoying it very much.

0

Things in a profile that would make me say "Yeah, no.": pretentiousness; arrogance; obsession with working out; incorrect grammar, vocabulary, spelling and punctuation [obviously not talking about mere typos or dyslexia]; focused on sex; kids at home; living with parents as a dependent; misogyny; talking "traditional roles;" trophy hunting; jealousy/insecurity/possessiveness/clingy/needy; no interest in traveling; saying they hate board games; republican; conservative; libertarian; Hillary-basher; trump fan; even slightly homophobic or racist; pro corporal punishment; pro death penalty; afraid of dogs or cats; disgusted by pet kisses; keeps pets outside; won't let pets on the couch or in the bedroom; and if they LOVE the ballet, opera, video games.

Things that would someday play a part in my reaching out; WIT; humbleness; honesty; being vulnerable; wit; quiet confidence; interest in the world; politics; current events; likes board games; WIT; loves being around friends and family; adventurous and active; likes to cook and go to restaurants. Also, liking podcasts, reading, documentaries, NPR and intelligent talk radio, comedy, etc.

There are probably a hundred things that are potentially a turn-off and a hundred that are turn-ons. No matter how many more I think of and write, I realize that everything is give and take; that no human is perfect; and that most situations involve compromise -- and that I'll be single forever! Some of the above are obviously more important than others -- I was just typing as they popped into my head.

Lol! You make me want to date you!

3

Having close first hand experience with a friend who was determined to find a partner after her husband passed...this is what i noted! It appears to me, state things in your profile that you just cannot get passed (ie, no trump supporters, this was a no, for her) and then it was all in the number of people that she thought sounded interesting to her. And, before it was over, she met 100s of guys (some were just for coffee, etc), before she ended the search, she found fun people to date and then came to the realization, she wasn't ready for marriage yet! She is still dating some of those guys and having a great time! So that is one story...

Ah "Grasshopper before jumping always check feet are in place and want to undertake proposed action".

1

The things that would stop me from contacting a lady on a dating site. not in order
1 smoker
2 good christian values, either in self of sought in partner
3 still in a relationship
4 dislike of animals
5 climate change denier
6 big TV watcher
7 interest in sport as a spectator
8 wanting lots of 5 star, wanting to be spoilt
9 a big list of don't wants in a guy, obviously based on bad experiences. (LOL)

I agree with lots of this. I don't mind occasional sports watching. And going to professional games can be fun -- I've done it twice I think.

Yup. Separated is not enough. Get divorced, take time to heal, then we can talk.

1

Bad: Cover-all-the-bases boasts of no preferences. “I like everything from skydiving to cuddling by a roaring fire, from dressing up for a night on the town to relaxing in jeans and a T-shirt, from a five-star tasting course to Hot Pockets.”

Meh. If you enjoy everything, there’s something wrong with you.

Also, especially if you’re not suburban/exurban/rural, if you claim a fireplace you need to have one of your own. If ten thousand lonelyhearts like a fire but a city/town has only a thousand working fireplaces, that’s ten people crowding around each fireplace.

Good: Describe your past, not your future. Saying what you’ve done, where you’ve been, what you’ve specifically liked colors your background and achievements and interests, which to me is much more substantial than sketching out your hopes.

2

Troopers , Extroopers , & women in uniform ! Kids are at least out of diapers , if not an empty nester is a plus . When they live in the south where it's miserably hot . I'm definitely a northerner who prefers cooler climates .

Dougy Level 7 Feb 14, 2018

Yeah, I have a thing for uniforms too. With humans in them. Not just the clothing.

2

Good things: Dogs are great. Same taste in numerous topics. If I can see a sense of humor. Decent photos.

Bad things: Cigarette smokers. When they say they put God first or are deeply indulged in religion.

4

Photos of them hunting and/or their vehicles are a huge "nope" for me. If the have run-on sentences, improper sentence structure, no punctuation/capitalization and poor grammar, I hit the "back" button ASAP. Also if they're super into sports, like viewing them, it's not my thing and I don't want a sports fanatic, so I'll also click the ol' "back" button on those also.

If their first message to me includes the words "sexy" or "beautiful", I do not respond.

I agree and I agree. 🙂

Insecure OCPD ?

@FrayedBear Explain what Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder has to do with having preferences?

@Gert It is my preference not to have anything to do with insecure OCPD people. Are you denying me that personal choice @Gert by questioning its validity as a choice?
OCPD is a serious illness. I also choose not to go out with people covered in herpes virus, syphilis or chickenpox sores. Do you deny me that choice also?

2

Positives : Overall enthusiasm. Mention of passions. Creative folks. An open, non-judgemental attitude. Sense of humor. Into a healthy, active lifestyle. Nature/animal lover.

Negatives : Overly long winded or repetitive. A very defined list of traits sought in a mate - as if ordering a meal at a restaurant. A superior attitude, using words like "classy", or "quality" - which implies there are some who don't make the cut. Someone who uses whatever substances (drink/smoke/drugs) regularly. Photos of their vehicles and homes - without them in the photo ("look what I got !" ), or photos of someone holding up a dead fish, or a photo with a mate in the picture with their face crossed out. Tacky !

1

Physical distance is a big one. Not many members in Janesville, WI.

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hookups -not

2

Not having a picture isn't that much of a problem with me since I rarely have one of myself. Not having a profile is a completely different story. If you can't be bothered to fill out a profile them I'm not going to be bothered to respond to your obvious canned messages.

I also do not have a webcam, will not send you nude pics, and will not cyber/phone sex with you.

@Akfishlady I'm sure you've received this one: "Hi! How are you?"

1

I have 4 conditions that must be met before I would contact anyone:
1 They must live reasonably close to me so we can even meet.
2 They must be attractive to me
3 They must be desirable to me
4 They must be a willing participant with me
I must add that I rarely contact anyone and only respond to women who contact me. That is just me.

@Akfishlady Some type of relationship together.

0

I look for things that are similar to me..education level, age, travel experience, hobbies and interests, grown children, and look for things dissimilar as well, such as career (since most teachers are vastly underpaid for time spent, in the US).

I look for curiosity, humor, a sense of fun, and mobility, since I'm not likely to move to where they are, unless, of course, it's somewhere I want to live anyway, like near Sydney! Joking. I plan to move near my daughter, in Lexington, KY, since I've been in Thailand since 2010 and miss seeing her.

Which birds require their offspring to be close once they have flown the nest?

@FrayedBear LOL! I don't require it, but I miss being around her. I was always more like a fun uncle than a mom..teaching the kids to climb trees, skip rocks, ride horses bareback without bridles, play duet jams on the piano, etc. After I moved to Thailand, I began having dreams as though I was in her mind, missing me being around. I messaged her and she admitted it, but we've always been esp connected, as well as I and my mom, etc.

1

i think its a good sign when the person doesnt say a whole lot in a profile

I agree! If somebody cannot take the time to write a bit -- even if it is not a bio -- just something interesting or funny -- anyway, if they cannot do that, how successful will they be at leaving me silly little notes here and there?

@BlueWave lol

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