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Teach your daughters to be breadwinners.
It benefits the family’s finances.
I was taught to be a breadwinner and even if I make less than my future spouse it still benefits the family.

Lesser paid jobs are not necessarily less stressful or take less time. I would say one of my most stressful jobs was being a bagger at a grocery store. So might as well be paid well for your time and energy because being paid less for your time and energy doesn’t mean you will get more time and energy for yourself.

Also get rid of the stereotypes that you can’t be in a high paying field and be a great mom.

You can work from home as a chemical engineer doing design work (I know several fathers who do this). They not only get to work from home, but also get to be paid more for the hours that they do work. Pick a major that you love that is highly paid, and then find the niche that fits your lifestyle.

I would say you are more likely to have work flexibility the higher paid you are because companies will compete for your time.


Myah 6 Feb 15

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the danger of a family having two incomes is when companies then make it a necessity to have two incomes for a family.

I disagree that it’s only because of capitalism that you need to maintain your earning ability.

What happens in the case of divorce or death etc.


I would say "Teach your daughter to be a breadwinner to make herself a better future." ...I will go even further by saying "Tell your daughter about the benefits of a higher education. " She will win more bread with less work.


Yes, that's exactly right, and conversely, it is also important to teach your sons that it is okay if their wife/girlfriend/SO is the primary source of income. The fact of the matter is that it's impossible to truly create a situation where you can create an environment for women to comfortable with being breadwinners if men, such as myself, are not supportive of women breadwinners.


Amen to all of that. I am from the generation that told girls to look for their prince, not be forward, etc. Crippling girls with low esteem is what generates teenagers having babies because they're desperate for love and self-expression. Being used by the boys around you and getting pregnant before you even know yourself is wrong. Teach your girls to be somebodies, not to be somebody's. Schools need to encourage the learning of everything across the board, no saying only boys learn this and only girls learn that. Girls and women must be taught to support themselves first and demand equal treatment in position and pay. On the same hand, boys should study anything they want without being told it's only for girls.


I taught my son to always be prepared to take care of himself because no one was gonna do it for him. Partners leave or die without warning.


When we were raising our kids, we encouraged them to get some education in a field that there was a need. My youngest son and my wife who was a CPA talked a lot about business. He got a degree in Business Administration, and has done well in business. My youngest daughter and I did well in math and science. She got a degree in civil engineering, and was a summer intern with the Corp of Engineers, and got hired by them when she graduated. Her job title is Hydraulic Engineer as was mine. She also makes quite a bit more than her husband. She is a branch chief now, still with the CORP. An older daughter got a masters in counseling, and has her own business. Another daughter went to business school, and is currently a manager in a soft ware development company. As we had a fairly large family, all kids took turns cooking, house cleaning, washing their own laundry. They all got an allowance, and when in High School, used the allowance to buy their own clothes, and any entertainment, school expenses, etc.

I think it is great that you gave them an allowance to buy necessities with. When I got to college I had been taught how to save (literally spent my entire childhood saving for college), but not how to spend money and paying bills etc was very uncomfortable for me and counterintuitive.

I think your approach is something I will try with my own future kids.

Boys and girls should share responsibility equally, as their talents or abilities can. And couples should be equal yet take care of the parts of their households/businesses that fit their abilities. There are no gender rolls--only those that fit the need.


All people should be encouraged to be all they can be.


May I offer a counter-thought? First, a woman who wants to develop a profession and a career has my support and admiration. One thing I see overlooked though is the woman who wants to be a mom and focus on family. There is a viable option that often gets overlooked. My mom always said "I can make more money at home than I can in a job." She explained a couple of points. Cooking: good planning and with good budgeting she could provide better meals cheaper and a better table experience for everyone. Knowledge: by growing bright children, helping her husband get ahead, and supporting his goals & networking. Community involvement: better schools, safer neighborhoods, more social opportunities.

I appreciate the counter thought!
Personally I have no problem with people pursuing unpaid work, but I would always advise them to have a backup plan.

I would advise anyone (male or female) to maintain a middle class earning potential.
Before you pursue unpaid work, get the degree or work experience, trust fund etc. to give you that middle class earning potential so you will always have the ability to support yourself even if you are not currently supporting yourself.
This might take some maintenance. You might have to periodically enter the work force to get the experience to maintain that earning potential. I would advise this.

Food for thought: It is worth noting that women are usually the ones to initiate divorce. The increase of divorce in society has been tied to the fact that women are no longer financially dependent on their husbands and thus can leave a bad situation.

And other things can leave a mother as the only support of her family. Be prepared.

@GoldenMean That, for me, is the real shame of the past 35 years. We have abandoned our single moms. All so we can have stupid fights over guns and how can we get all, every bit, of the money to the deserving already rich people?


Teach your sons that there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about if a woman - any woman, including future partners - is more successful and earns more than him, too.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 15, 2018

I agree.


Equal work, equal money

And no gender roles when it comes to giving advice to be financially independent

no chance and even labourers under 18 here in the UK should get the same wage for the same job too.


Secretaries are way under paid... teachers too. You get fare treatment as a engineer at refinery and chemical plants. Even engineering in radiation for nuclear plants. Union jobs such as electrician., instrumentation, welding, pipefitter, millwright, machinist. I've been there and seen this opportunity for females. You got to know what you want to be an equal pay to a man... You do the training and you'll get the job and pay.

It is awful how badly paid teachers are. If there was one salary I could unilaterally increase I would choose teachers

It is problem... then they don't pay into social security so they just get a little pension check from the state...ugh!


the ideal job is doing something for fun and enjoyment and you can make money. Very few people are in that situation.

dc65 Level 7 Feb 15, 2018

I do understand that. But the part about financial stability still stands. Plus ideally i wouldn’t encourage children to get jobs they hate.

I think most people support themselves through a wage. I think it is pretty rare to support yourself through maybe your investments for example.

When you are supporting yourself with your own wage I would call that breadwinner.

Please elaborate, I am not sure I am understanding you correctly


Ah, I think you are right.

For me it means being able to support yourself and your family/dependent in the minimum standard of living you would like (for me that would be middle class).
But I realize that is an alternative definition and probably not mainstream. I use the term breadwinner because it communicates my main point that you should not assume your wage will be secondary in achieving the standard of living that you want.

But what did you mean that you didn’t need to be with someone or be the breadwinner to be financially stable? Seems that you would at least need one of those unless you have secured a passive income. Maybe I’m not thinking creatively.



This is unwed, childless advice?

Would it discount the advice if it was?

Honestly if you want to raise a family I don’t know why you would leave financial stability to someone else. It is your job to protect your children and financial stability is a part of that.

It is the advice of someone who has lived through the Great Recession, current jobs are not guaranteed.
It is the advice of someone who has helped a friend through her divorce and suddenly she was the breadwinner with no work experience, plus paid lawyer fees on her behalf so she could have a chance of keeping custody of her kid and apply domestic violence charges against her husband.
It is the advice of someone who wants a work life balance regardless.
It is the advice of someone who knows 60% of all women work and the share of male participation rate in the economy is falling.

If you would criticize the advice instead of my person that would probably lead to a more helpful discussion.

Another question I have for you is if you give different advice to different genders. I would give the exact same advice to boys for basically the exact same reason. I don’t think it is my job to promote arbitrary gender roles. They don’t help the individual.

@Myah It just seems a bit naive.


Oh, hmm. I guess I didn’t realize it was naive to encourage financial independence. To me it seems practical.

If you make more money you have more choices generally. Including the choice to potentially not work.

Besides to me it seems naive to think that someone would support you.

@Myah Maybe you should try living through it before you hand out unsolicited advice on how to do it right.

I seem to have touched a nerve. Reading back i can see my comment might be read as sarcasm when I was trying for a conversational approach.

I am also a debater, so I will always ask other people to justify themselves. I realize not everyone is a debater.

I do stand by my advice. It is advice I will follow myself. And it is advice I would feel comfortable giving to anyone, man or woman. I am just trying to work against the gender stereotypes applied to girls. But of course everyone needs to live their own lives according to what they want.


You got me, Myah. You're just a good debater and I'm not. And thanks for reminding women to get good jobs. It totally slipped my mind.


I am thankful for my education and work experience. I can't imagine having to be dependent on anyone else.

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