There's generally two types of "I'll pray for you". One is the mean spirited "I'll pray that you see the error of your ways and stop being a godless heathen". Which is just being a dick.

The other is a person appealing to what they imagine is the most powerful force in their universe to help you in a time of need. It's hard to be pissed at someone for doing that.

Most of the "I'll pray for you" or "my prayers are with you" is just a reflexive and largely defensive move because the human reality is that life is just stuff happening and almost no one has the ability to really do anything useful about it. People feel helpless and so they want to say something to express solidarity. This is the Christian form of expressing solidarity. Most of the time people say things like that and they have no idea what my beliefs are. Most people I have contact with haven't asked, and I haven't offered it. I live outside the Bible Belt and so the fact I don't go to church is unremarkable and doesn't suggest backsliding or apostasy.

Where "thoughts and prayers" of course become something to call out is when something clearly CAN be done, as with sensible gun control. Those asshats deserve a good reaming out when they never do what CAN and MUST be done to prevent such atrocities as Yet Another School Shooting -- then their "thoughts and prayers" makes them complicit with the atrocity.

Also when I was part of the church, often people know you personally and there are all sorts of little gestures which are mostly symbolic but still helpful, but it's easier to just say "I'm praying for you" because it doesn't actually require anything of you -- if you're a typical lying sack of shit christer then you don't even have to actually pray, because, who's going to know? No one can see whether you pray or not, and for sure no one can tell that you're not praying because the things they're supposed to ask god for aren't happening! No one actually EXPECTS their prayers to be answered in any way distinguishable from random happenstance, after all. They just wait for the occasional affirmative "answer" and then use selection bias to claim it as an "answer".

So in those days, as now, I always appreciated "I'm sorry for your loss" more than "I'll pray for you". I always appreciated people just being present for me. Asking if there's anything practical they can do for me.

Christians often manage to mess even that last thing up. My older brother, still a fundamentalist, didn't ask when my wife died if he could help. He simply offered to fly down "at my own expense" and "help me" in some unspecified way, which knowing him, meant taking over running the show. When I said no thanks, I'll see you at the funeral -- he thought on it for a day or two and then said he couldn't come because the last minute plane tickets were too expensive. This from a guy who is worth several million dollars. What it all boiled down to is, he wasn't comfortable coming to the funeral and just being present; if he wasn't the driving force behind it, he felt insecure.

Anyway I agree with you, it depends on the circumstances but mocking their belief in prayer is itself unkind and impertinent in most cases.

my point is there is a time to be a "Hard Atheist" and a time to be the diplomat.

I would agree with that statement. Good luck in talking rationality to your theist friend. As for the I'll pray for you ' business. That is only a mechanism for the person saying it to feel better about themselves while offering no help whatsoever. That is my interpretation from my own experience.

I don't mind it most of the time because they're offering support in a situation where they are honestly powerless to help.

It really makes me angry when legislators offer thoughts and prayers after mass murders because they have the power to take actions that can affect a change but choose not to d/t bribes from lobbyists.

My response is generally the same when a person is wishing you well or expressing care, how can you be angry at someone who is sincere?

Compassion and caring is rare and precious. I am glad you could accept that gift.

Sometimes bad things happen or people are hurt and there is nothing to do about it. This phrase is used as an expression of empathy and love toward them. I don't agree with the "prayer" part, but sometimes there isn't much more that can be said or done and empathy is appreciated.

I agree. If the intent is care and kindness he was trying his best to be sympathetic.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this with your son but you handled that perfectly. I have Christian friends and they truly mean well. Most people do I think. Thanks for sharing your story.

When my late partner was dying she sent out a message of nor tears and no prayers. An international travel group we were heavily involved in started calling. One guy we worked with said he would pray for her. I told him she was an atheist (which he knew) and didn't was offended by prayers. He said it was just a "figure of speech". My reply was "so you don't really mean it?! Later he got other members (this was in Canada) together to sign a card. The cover of the card had a Thomas Kincaide (the religious artist) picture on the front and biblical expressions inside. Many people signed it and several added their prayers (they knew her but took the direction the card seemed to send). To me this is just another form of proselytizing. People need to know it is not about them but you/us. If they can't say anything normal they should keep quiet. Maybe a calm conversation with the store owner would help; he already knows your position about religion.

Your response was the same as I would give. If someone prayed for me I would be appreciative for the thought. I can't pray for anybody or anything but that doesn't mean I can't keep them in my thoughts and wish them well. Compassion should be an integral part of the human condition irrespective of what or who you do or don't believe in.

Beautifully said. Thanks for sharing <3

You can be a hard atheist and a diplomat at the same time. I hate that Christians are getting more and more agressive in this country, but the ones who are doing their best to be nice deserve the same back at them. I never say anything but thanks if someone says have a blessed day (a nicety I hate), or if they offer prayers. I still consider myself a hard atheist because I think they are wasting their prayers. I still think everyone should do their part to try to get along. This is the only life we all get.

Yes the guy was simply expressing his concern and he meant well , I think you said all the right things. I probably live on the other side of the world from you but O wish you and your family well.kind regards Gary

I don't build bridges, I explode them.

Dont pray for me it is a usless project.

Sorry about the infection. Not a fun road to travel.

As for similar experiences: a few years back I took a summer class and, thanks to allergies to weeds, I tended to sneeze a few times every day which was always followed by a small group chanting: "God bless you." My response was always along the lines of "No thanks. I'm not superstitious and I am not worried about the devil sucking my soul and leaving my body to suddenly die and rot from the plague like the good old days of Pope Gregory I.

Usually the "I'll pray for you" directly follows a last ditch "I got to go but" attempt of asserting self greatness during a debate with a/group of theist/s when he/they realize they are loosing any number of given argument/s of which point: theist vs atheist is superior.

On those few occasions when I get an "I'll pray for you like your description, I usually just smile, tell them to have a nice day and leave.

It is very true. This is the way a theist would proclaim that they care and are concerned. I do not wish to hear it either. But it does come from a place of empathy.

I would have had a come back for sure

Sometimes it is the way something sounds rather than the words used.

A well reasoned and considered response.

I agree entirely that there is a time to be diplomatic. I find it far more constructive to build bridges an knock down walls and not the opposite.

I also agree that often the "I'll pray for you" comment often irritates and I am often tempted to respond "Thank you. I will think for you..."

I have a similar concern: when I do something extra for someone and they keep saying God Bless You and all I can say is thank you because I don't say God Bless You and it just feels so awkward.

And then there is a wonderful friend at work who says it when I sneeze (and I sneeze a lot) and I say nothing because I don't want to encourage it and then she gets snarky so the next time I'll say, thanks but it won't do any good, or something like that. We are good friends and don't want to hurt each other so its just awkward.

How do you all deal with this?

As theists aren't willing to acknowledge reality, you're trying to build a bridge that leads nowhere. We'd have a solid landing on our end, but no place to dock.

Even though I do not believe, I think true Christians and believers of god have good intent when saying that they will pray for you. It is one of their ways to try to help. I think it's sweet when well meant and I appreciate it very much.

I totally agree. Perhaps the unavoidable helplessness that comes along with life is where humans find the need for a sky daddy . Someone said something to me one time that really caused me to think. They said that worry is a prayer for something bad to happen. We all pray like it or not. Perhaps prayer is a form of Hope.