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If someone messaged you and straight out asked to meet up would this be creepy and off-putting or a relief? I can never keep a conversation going for long online. I just feel so much more comfortable talking in person. Was thinking about messaging someone and asking to do lunch, but not sure how to go about it without being really weird.

RavenGreer 5 Feb 20

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26 comments

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9

In Brunswick, Maine the town police department set up an "internet meeting safe zone". It is next to the police station, well lit and monitored 24/7 via video cam. Be safe when meeting anyone you don't already know.

That's progressive.

4

I like to message for a day or so (just to make sure they aren't super creepy) but after that I prefer meeting in person as well.

Good luck!

@Shelton I seem to keep attracting men on dating sites that have very broken English. I'm completely fine if someone is from another country (sexy accent anyone?) but they usually end up asking me for money.

Or a guy will start asking what I'm "into" after 2-3 messages. Sorry, looking for more than just sex.

But if after messaging back and forth a bit, I'd much rather meet in person.

4

I don't think it would be creepy. I, too, appreciate a "cut to the chase" approach sometimes.

Thanks for the tip! 😉

4

Put it just like that. Let whomever it is know how awkward you're feeling, and just ask them out.

Good point.

3

I would expect to exchange a few messages first and I don't meet people who don't have a profile photo (or who won't share one beforehand).

I think wanting to meet "sooner than later" is a good sign. People who want to drag emailing out over the course of weeks don't seem serious about really meeting someone.

2

I wouldn't find it creepy. I do, however, think you should tell them a bit about yourself (likes/dislikes, things that are most important to you) and a recent photo. Include any potential deal-breakers in your message and just be honest about why you would like to meet IRL so quickly.

2

It depends really. Every person is different. If someone I didn't know and had never spoken to all of a sudden asked me out to lunch I would think I'm being catfished or something of the sort. If the person knows you and you have spoken already and perhaps even exchanged pictures then I would take it as flattery and someone taking the initiative if they asked me out.

Agreed.

1

It's only creepy if the person is a near-total stranger.
You at least need to know a little about the person, what they like, and what they look like to help decide if you actually want to meet them, and risk having your kidney's stolen.
Always meet in a public place the first time.

1

If somebody wrote me saying "Hey I saw checked out your profile. You seem cool. I really don't like relying on technology to get to know somebody. If you would be up for a casual lunch let me know. Oh, and here's a recent photo of me -- and a link to my Instagram so you can see I am a real person." I don't think that is creepy at all. But, I wouldn't go.

Thank you, that's the best advice so far.

1

Chat for a bit, then ask him for coffee or someplace public

1

Messaged me? As in online. Yes, really creepy. Well, okay a little odd. 15 years ago it wasn't so strange, but now everyone has a cellphone and video chat is easy. There has to be more personal contact than just text or private messages before an in-person meeting.

JimG Level 8 Feb 20, 2018

What about if somebody on Agnostic.com messaged you and wanted to get together? Say, somebody Level 6 or higher?

1

It would be nice. I'm always up to meet for lunch or coffee. Go for it.

1
0

Hard to say:
On one hand, I would be severely suspect; I have a healthy dose of paranoia when it comes to the Internet.
On the other hand, there IS only so much online communication can reveal; to really get to know someone there needs to be body language (and I mean the subconscious kind).

I think it comes down to this: immediate asking to meet is ..suspect; at least talk a while with that person (and I don't just mean 1 long session) before asking for a meet-up.

0

It depends. If they live hundreds of miles away it'd seem a bit weird; if they're close and you've already discovered you have similar interests, then put the suggestion in a friendly way it wouldn't seem weird.

For example, if someone from the other end of the country who I'd only just started talking to messaged me and said "I'll fly over and we'll go for lunch" I'd think hang on a moment - that's a bit keen. Are you looking for your next victim? If we'd chatted a few times and I sensed they were genuine and they lived nearby and said "I go for lunch at Brown's cafe on Fridays, do you fancy a coffee if you can get out of work?" I'd probably go along.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 21, 2018
0

Do ask to do lunch. Public spaces are fairly neutral ground so your approach would not sound creepy to me. But then I've tried that before and made a total hames of it, I might not be the best guide.

0

In the first message, yes. Creepy and overly forward, After a few messages back and forth, establishing some commonalities and a little bit of a base to build a meeting on, I wouldn't think a thing of it, usually. If you have been messaging back and forth a bit, I would explain to your potential lunch date that you have an easier time conversing, face to face, and then ask if they might like to meet for lunch. I would likely take you up on it on those grounds (age difference aside of course). Lunch is short and non-threatening. It isn't like you're asking for a whole night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you have fun with it. 🙂

0

I say go for it,
I don't think it would be weird, and meeting someone doesn't infer any more than wanting to know a bit more about them.

0

I'm having a problem editing my post. I want to add that I will have a profile pic by then and will be happy to give them my facebook.

0

I like to set the tone by seeing a movie. boom got something to talk about after while eating. or go fishing. you have your hands full so ...idk gotta get out of the house once in a while. Just dooo it! most ppl are shallow and it'll take a while tho if you have a better character than looks. least that's what I have to do.

0

First I would be flattered. It wouldn't make me think it's creepy, but it might make me a little uncomfortable to be so quick. Think about someone coming up to you in the street without saying anything but, "Would you like to go out?". You at least need some ice breaking to get somewhat comfortable with the idea of going out with them.

0

I'd be surprised, then suspicious and very cautious but would investigate

0

Play it by ear and go with your gut instinct. I love straight talkers myself. what time do you want to do this @RavenGreer as it will take me a little while to get ready lol?

0

In my opinion, if you have no access to anything about the person, yes, a little creepy. I prefer to engage in conversation before meeting someone from the internet. And if I do meet someone, it's always in a public place.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
0

I envy the young man you message, go ahead and read her bio and posts. These type women are rare

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