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Does your ideal partner exist? And, what is the possibiiity that your ideal partner exists on this site?

mkeaman 7 Feb 20

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Ideals exist solely in the realm of contemplation. Everybody will fall short of the mark in some fashion. Everything is some measure of compromise. Here is as good a place as any. Cast a wide net. Shoot for the stars and you might get the moon along the way.

Well said .


I would change the ideal partner to "pretty damn good". And yes I have a pretty damn good atheist wife. If you want an ideal partner then you need to be an ideal partner also.


Who the hell knows ? But I've sure had a couple mighty fine ones in the interim !


If my ideal mate exists, she would have higher standards than to settle for a guy like me.


IMHO nothing in life is ideal, just what you decide is most important and whether or not your potential partner falls in those criteria and don't sweat the small stuff.

If that is your definition of ideal then yeah I think it exists, if that's not, I wouldn't count on it.


My ideal partner is a non-believing, intelligent woman who has good hygiene, good morals, is kind, humorous, and attractive (spiritually, physically), and I believe that she could be anywhere (including this site)


I won't do the math, but I'm pretty sure the possibility is not very high at all.


Call me a cynic, but I don't think so.


I don't think ideal exists. It comes down to what idiosyncrasies you want to deal with. Nobody is perfect so ideal is what you are willing to accept.


In my opinion, NO ideal partner exists here or anywhere else on this planet. Perhaps in your own imagination though.


I haven't seen evidence of such a thing existing.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

Ideal covers a lot of ground. I would not want someone who was just like me or even had the same personality. One can't grow by being with the same as oneself.

I, like a lot of others, thought an ideal (close to perfect) partner was highly unlikely but I was wrong. I found an "ideal" partner that lasted for 16 years. She was an immigrant with a significantly different background. We shared about 90% of our world view. She was an extreme extrovert and I'm an introvert. The things we had that made it an ideal partnership was: 1. emotional stability with reason above emotion. 2. a strong desire to see the other's viewpoint and to make it work and 3. common values as foods, atheism, financial responsibility and some interests. We also practiced open and honest communication and were willing to make compromises. Even death was discussed and what each expected of the other afterward (if I had died first what I would want for her and visa versa). We agreed to keep the mourning period short and to go on with our lives and seek another. We agreed when one loves another one wants whats best for the other.

There are different types of ideal and from what I have learned the range has both increased and shrunk. I am more open to other partner types but with the basics intact. I know I can't replace her but I can replace what I have learned and practice it on another. Also, I will never take another relationship for granted and be more open to a range of "ideal" partners. Unfortunately, age, geography and strong values based on pragmatic morals has reduced the availability. But THEY are out there and there is more than one.

Jack - My reaction to what you wrote is that you both found an "ideal." Your interactions were awesome. It's amazing that the scope of your relationship was very broad and very deep. That's how I like it. I feel, however, that some of us might be missing the boat when we expect "ideal" to show up "ready made" and ready to go. While there are "almost perfect" relationships that happen in that way, I believe that a couple can start out with "less perfection" and interact and build a relationship that will be exemplary and beneficial to both. This is where maturity and respect become most important - when the pair can and will work together to build that "ideal" relationship. Sure, maybe the ultimate may never happen, but if commitment and vulnerability are balanced and worked on - an evolving relationship - always moving towards that "ideal" status can and may happen. This takes patience, stamina, dedication, and work. To have experienced even one of this level of relationship in an entire lifetime is to have tasted of the cornucopia of the Gods. An experience such as this becomes integral to one's soul and can become a part of one's being forever. How awesome!

@mkeaman Absolutely right on all points. I think most of us don't really think of a relationship as being ideal until at some point we compare ours with other relationships. Definitely, it doesn't just happen but takes work. Our good fortune (although we didn't view it at the time) was previous failed relationships. She was married to a jerk for 25 years and knew what she didn't want. I was in 2 long term relationships with good times and bad so had a good idea of what works and doesn't. The main thing we discovered was our commonalities and our willingness to make this one work at an optimum level. We all need to learn from our mistakes. Even her death had lessons for me and others that said their relationships changed for the better after being a part of her life and death. And, yes, luck does play a role. Thanks for you comments.


I've never been able to conceptualize a "perfect boyfriend" or "ideal partner" or even a "type". I'm just not built that way.

I'm too plugged into the understanding that my expectations and preferences A) will never match reality and B) can be potentially detrimental to interfacing with reality.

I've never seen the point of cooking up some fantasy. Real life is going to serve up what it has to offer; why get worked up over something you can't have anyway? I'd rather devote all my energy to seeing the real world clearly and fairly.


I am positive! This site has renewed my hope that I will meet an open minded partner, and meet Open minded people to have real conversations. And real disagreements...Just REAL. Now just dust off the Meeting through messaging skills. Thank you for asking this question!


My ideal partner must exist. Will she be perfectly ideal? No. Will I find her? Not a chance in hell lol


That is the $100,000 question.


I did the (approx) math long ago = there are about 30 women in the USA who would be my perfect match. I met two of them, but one was mean to me and the other = we didn't have that "chemistry". So I figure about 28 remaining. And she's probably not on this site.

So - I'm happily looking for an imperfect match here 🙂


Having lived in Vegas I do no odds or work out extrapolation of possibilities. You may met your ideal partner to lose her to cancer 6 months later. (disclaimer: did not happened to me). Life is funny like that. So your definition of ideal partner depends on your motivation. I do like your branding of "ideal partner" instead of "soulmate", makes it more possible, accessible and available. In this place/realm possibilities should be endless since new recruits arrive on a daily basis... just be Patient Hunter, you only have to get it right once if is an ideal partner.

@Fanburger : It was just for fun, and I know not really accurate.
What I did was calculate the approx number of women who would want to date a guy my age. Then those women who aren't already in relationships. Then I narrowed it down to the percentage of non-believers. Then further narrowed to those with liberal politics. (I will only date single, non-believers who are liberal or further to the left.) Then compatibility issues such as intellect, trustworthiness, integrity, and a dozen other things - even pets. So the final number was 30, out of a USA population of about 350 million (at the time).... And afterwards, I realized I lived in Florida, and probably needed to move to California. But I'm still in Florida, only because of the weather.


I really haven't given much thought as to what constitutes my ideal partner, and I'm doubtful I or anyone could. It's far too complex.

I'm very doubtful that I would ever even get together with a bad match via this site, much less anything like an ideal partner. The dating/matching features are way too weak.

Well maybe the Admin will take the suggestion and improve these much-needed features!

When you find her, you will know!


Yes and she could as easily be on this site as anywhere else but she doesn't know it yet.
My advice would be to the guys on this site stop being so namby pamby bending over backwards to try to relate to the sensitivities of the women and elsewhere. Most women won't pick a 'sensitive' guy as her ideal mate. They will pick them for provider and nest supplier and screw the jerk guy that doesn't care about her well being at all. She already has a guy for that need. Try being original, someone worth knowing, someone doing something, interesting. Women are not fragile creatures. They can handle men that are tough and rough around the edges. Don't pretend you're something other than what you are and ask for what you want and expect up front should the opportunity arise.

Right now there is likely a woman here that hadn't said a word directly to me or you but they're looking and reading and weighing the words you are posting. So be honest and yes flawed and give her enough info about you so she can make her presence known. Stop giving the customer what you think they want. Be a dick or a prince, some women like one and not the other. Let them decide.


Nothing in life is Zen..especially people..


There is a quote from one of my favorite authors, Tom Robbins, that I live by: "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
I believe we all, to one degree or another, have an image of our perfect lover: how they look, how they think, how they feel, how they smell, the sound of their laugh and what brings it out, how they kiss, their taste, the sound of their breathing as they sleep. Probability suggests that, among the billions of people in the world, this exact creature is indeed walking the earth as we speak. But probability also suggests that you have a better chance of winning the lottery than having that person's path cross yours.
But don't despair. You have only to turn the equation around. Realize that you already have within you all the pure and perfect love you will ever need, and more. What you are looking for is someone to share it with. Once you accept that, you will find yourself surrounded by beautiful lovers, none of whom are quite up to spec, but all brimming with that same pure and perfect love.
Not to say there won't be bumps along the way. But you've already got the love part sorted. The rest is easy.

Ludo Level 7 Apr 1, 2018

Ideal for me would mean that I would also be ideal for her. At my best I was far from ideal, and now I am far from my best. Short answer is no.
But I am willing to compromise if she is.

Being able to fairly and rationally discuss and work out problems puts one squarely on the road to having an "ideal" relationship. If we could be so understanding and patient and loving - one could be half-way there!


I think our ideal partner shows up when we are ready for him or her.
Trouble is, studies show that people are not attracted to the kinds of people they claim they want to meet.

For instance, people would write long lists of great characteristics they said they considered to be necessary for prospective love interests, then pick someone the exact opposite.

What the researchers found was that people attract, and are attracted to, people of the same emotional "vibration." That's why it's wise to be emotionally free of an ex before dating, or you'll just grab another copy of the ex, or someone as sad and messed up as you are.

I suspect one reason I moved to Thailand was to remove pressure to start dating again after my divorce in 2010. Nobody bothers me here, and there's no single person stigma.
Besides, it was while I was in Thailand, in 2014, that I realized I'm androgyne and partially transmale, which was what was messing up my other relationships, unknown to me. My male side resented taking a female wife role, causing internal stress. No wonder I hated marriage, even if I liked my spouse as a fun pal.


I think my ideal partner is out there, but he's not currently here on this site.

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