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Did you ever see yourself as a loner, but then realized you're not the loner you thought you were?

By this point in my after-divorce, I thought I would care about nothing but money, career, technical skills, and supervising aging family members. I know that needs to come first, and then friends, and then a significant other when I am ready. Not sure why people are becoming more of a priority than I thought.

UrsiMajor 8 Jan 18
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12 comments

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3

After my first break up with my first boyfriend I had a strong sense I would be single. I did try (2x) to be in a committed relationship but they just did not work out. I have always been a loner but I enjoy the company of others and a good exchange of ideas and conversation is energizing but I can survive well on my own. I admit there are many things I miss from being in a relationship and do not give up on the idea, even at 66.

2

I am a person that enjoys being alone. However, when I am placed in a position that calls for being with people I do not find it difficult to make conversation and enjoy the arrangement. i have some very close friends and my family serves as very close friends. I find that certain people find me either shy, as a loner or just not sociable and any of these are fine by me.

3

I’m even more of a loner/introvert than ever; I NEED my time and space!

2

Even as a young person I've always been a loner it's just the type of lifestyle that makes me comfortable I have friends I have family but I just don't need to be around them very much

3

Good or bad, I have been a loner all my life. I like people, but being a loner allowed me to live as a cowboy in the middle of nowhere, work as a TV engineer. as much as I like friends I am not much attached to my family other than my sisters, nephews and daughter. Most of my family is dead, I am an orphan looking to be adopted. I am happy to be in a good relationship and happier to be out of bad ones. Right now I am the lone wolf I have always been, I ewally don't give much thought to being single. One day I may meet the right woman, until then I will be content as a lone wolf living as I please.

3

I like being alone. Most of my hobbies are solo ones...reading, knitting, watching movies...I go out to do charity work and love the social aspects of it, but I don't look for relationships and get to come home and be alone. I work in my office alone but I hear and watch over the employees and listen to snippets of their lives, but don't socialize with them...

I seem to like it more and more as I get older...taking solo vacations, dining out anywhere I want alone...I wonder if people are just wired to be social or loners?

4

I have always relished solitude. I really tried to be social as folks pushed me into those situations. I rather walk the beach alone, with my dogs for protection.

2

I totally get what you are saying.....post divorce for most women is a period of time when we sort of "pull inward". Time for healing, introspective thinking and prioritizing the things in our life. It is completely normal that you would have seen your life in the terms you described above. BUT - there comes that time when the scab is beginning to fall off and you realize that you actually do miss the interaction of friends in your life. So you will now just need to figure out how best to weave the "people" into the fabric of your new life. 🙂 😉

2

Nope.

1

In some ways I am a loaner, but I choose to be. People literally need to come to my house and almost drag me out to go somewhere. That's the truth.

2

Seriously, join a club, take up guitar, go drinking.

I go out a lot. here's a link to my latest adventure.
[agnostic.com]

0

nope, i never saw myself that way, even though i actually have been alone and sometimes lonely for much of my life. asof rmputting all those things you said you'd care about exclusively, nope, not me. people were always a priority -- but not in the sense of "oh i have to be with people" or "i must not be alone" or any of that. it's just that people have priority over money, for example. it has to be. and... if all you care about are the things you list, what kind of significant other will you find? seriously!

g

I am a provider. I use the money to take care of others such as my mother and my dog. My current situation does not allow me to live off grid and live a carefree lifestyle.

@UrsiMajor sorry, but how did you leap from what i said to something about living off the grid? who said THAT?

g

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