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When Considering A Relationship With Someone, How Important Is The Person's Annual Income ?

I have often wondered if People take a persons annual income into consideration when deciding to enter a relationship with someone. I don't mean Dating, but something long term or marriage.

I must admit that I am guilty of this. I don't think I could consider entering a relationship with a guy unless he had an annual income close to or higher than mine.

Perhaps this makes me a bad person on some level but its just not something I am willing to deal with at my age. I guess I am looking for someone who is an equal or above contributor and not a taker.

What are your thoughts?

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twshield 8 Feb 23

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40 comments

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13

There's nothing wrong with considering someone's income, but it's important to also consider why that income is what it is. Are they unmotivated or bad at what they do? Or maybe they're new in their career (either young or a recent career change)? Or maybe they chose a career that doesn't pay as well but which they find fulfilling?

I think a more important thing to look at is regardless of their income, do they live within it, or do they live beyond their means.

Very good points!

good point. but remember we are talking about income, no matter what reason is.

13

I won't lie. It's not something I think about when entering a relationship. She or he doesn't have to have a lot monetarily to be with me. They just have to be a good person.

Thanks!

Thank you! I love this answer.

12

It's not important to me. I've always had a good job and plan to keep working as long as I'm able. So I never do without. I enjoy working and I'm a good provider. Of course being with someone who can help is beneficial but if she's kind, generous, loving, honest, and made me happy I wouldn't care if she had an income or not. I've never been the type to say this is my money and that's yours or you pay this bill and I will pay that one. If I'm in a relationship I'm 100% in it. Even if things don't work out like they sometimes don't, like I said I have a good job I will make more money. Money is really not important to me.

That is awesome you have that attitude! I on the other hand so not. I have a pretty high income but i have encounters some users in my past so i guess that has changed me on some level.

@twshield, sorry honey, but if you have encountered users, and still encounter them, then that's an issue, you yourself need to address. Because you are allowing them to use you. 😟

@BeeHappy i meant in the sense of the attempt.

I wouldn't get that far along with someone if I didn't think if they weren't honest and had good values. Sometimes when you are generous and then things don't work out you can feel used but in fact the other person had no I'll intent. Its only natural for someone to take what is offered. Like I said I'll make more money, I would rather lose than to not be my true giving self. I haven't been in a lot of relationships but finances has never been the reason for breaking it off

Yup! Exactly what an ex said to me, @jameson. That all worked swimmingly -- until the breakup. Even though I worked all through the relationship and contributed a greater percentage of my salary to our joint account than my partner, boy did that whole "I don't care what you make" change when we broke up. Suddenly, the fact that my partner made more and worked more hours was crucially important and it determined how we "divided" jointly purchased furnishings.

That experience has no influence on my long-established choice to choose people with middle+ incomes.

I guess I've just been lucky. I've never had to fight over money with an ex. I guess that's why it's such a non issue for me. I can see where a bad experience might change that.

@Jameson For me, the two have nothing to do with each other. I will choose somebody who makes what I make or more.

In talking about my ex's "change of heart about money" after the breakup, well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm a big girl and not relying on somebody else for my livelihood has served me well this long. πŸ™‚

9

I voted yes. Income falls into the category of fiscal responsibility (speaking for myself). When it comes to actually making a relationship work, fiscal responsibility is extremely important.

makes sense!

Absolutely, and too often we forget that. It is not only mental, physical and emotional but also fiscal.

9

I have ALWAYS considered income. I've held it in high importance, as I provide for my children and myself, no one else. I still feel this way, however, how much someone makes is really not an issue anymore. I have learned in these years of being alone, that finding a someone who can make you happy in life is a tad more important than status or income, at my age.

I have everything I NEED. It's what I WANT that holds value in a relationship.

well said!

8

I'm not so much concerned with the amount, as with their level of control over their finances. I pay attention to whether or not someone can pay their bills on time, afford their desired lifestyle, have some sort of regular income, and appreciate what they have - regardless of how much or how little.

good point

Love that response, I have been homeless rather than in a situation I could not afford, and have never paid a bill late in my life.

8

The last relationship I was in, she got 2/3 of my income; for 4 years, every month. Plus, I helped pay at least half on several expensive home improvement projects on her home, where we lived. About a year and a half ago, I reduced the amount I was giving her by almost 10% and her reaction stunned me. She acted as though I was reneging on a contract. I only did that because my debt had increased way more than I was comfortable with. A year later, I was out of there. I have a decent retirement income, and I'm not an extravagant spender, but when she reacted as she did, that was a big red flag for me.

Understandable! wow. thanks for sharing!

Guys!! @twshield and Condor5, If a person has a good character, is honest, kind and caring, you shouldn't have these kinds of issues. Maybe I'm naive but I think you need to scrutinize how you are selecting your partners. It doesn't have anything to do with how much money they are making. There are users and takers, learn to identify them and avoid them! Sorry if I'm sounding tough, but you must accept some responsibility for these bad relationships.

@BeeHappy maybe but remember a break up can bring out the worst in people for example Condo5 case. My ex aleksey make a million dollars year. we were together 8 years and i have always worked and made good money. when we split, i had no worry about him cashing me out or vise versa

@twshield, so if your ex made so much money, them having a high income didn't help with the success or failure of the relationship. I still contend, it's the character of the person. In regard to @Condor5 case, again the problem wasn't with her income, it was her!

@BeeHappy this isnt about money making a successful pairing, its about how money influence your decision. Everyone isnt the same as you. people look at every situation differently. My relationship did not end because of money. my ex did not want to stay in america and i had no desire to live in russia.

No kidding, @condor5!

@twshield @beehappy

I will choose a person for me of upstanding character who is kind, thoughtful, mannerly, respectful, liberal, atheist, affectionate, loves animals and kids, financially responsible, has great communication skills, and a whole bunch of other things and WHO ALSO earns a comfortable middle class or above salary. I don't have an exact number -- that part is not important for me to try to figure out today.

The way I want to live and how money factors into that is just the way I want to live. Some people are absolutely happy and content living on next to nothing and I absolutely respect them for their choices for their lives.

Similarly, I would not choose to somebody who "doesn't like to travel" and for damn sure will never again choose somebody who "doesn't like board games."

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- I may very well be single the rest of my life. And, I am perfectly okay with that. πŸ™‚

@BlueWave you never know! you are great looking woman so i thing u will meet a great guy

@BeeHappy I never said, or intended to imply that I bore no responsibilty in the whole affair. There are 2 sides to every story; a notion I fully understand. And if you think I have problems relating to women, you're absofuckinglutely right I do. I probably wouldn't be in this group if I didn't. And that's no aspersions casting on any male in this group; I'm talking about me alone.OK? Just sayin'. And besides, I thought the gist of the post was focusing on $$$, not choices of companions. My bad. I guess I opened it up when I didn't specifically answer the question.

@BlueWave Sweetheart, if I was only 15 years younger...you seem like you make good choices.

I apologize for the assumptions. I don't often get on a rant but I do become passionate about some things and many people do not see that there are two sides to a relationship/ breakup. I see that you do, so again I apologize.

@BeeHappy no apology necessary, Bee. As I said I have some trouble expressing myself to women, sometimes. No harm, no foul.

Thank you, but if I'm out of line, I have to set it straight.

@BeeHappy darlin' I'm always walking that fine line.

@twshield That's kind of you to say. πŸ™‚

@Condor5 I try. Like I said earlier, I got a late start on getting smart about money, but I try to stay on my game these days! πŸ™‚

8

I voted "yes". But only to the extent that they need to have an income. How much income is not a factor. That they have income is.

Thats fair! thanks

7

I voted I do consider it but I think if it's going to be a live together or married situation my income must be considered too.

ETA: I lived with a girlfriend and we had two kids. I was working full time and she had a part-time job.
The amount of money we were paying each week for someone just to watch the kids after school had gotten to be as much or more than what she was earning so we decided that she could quit her job and pick up our kids after school.
We came out ahead in the end.

good point!

5

Some callings do not rake in the bucks. Passion for your calling is worth a lot, especially a calling that makes this world a little better.

ain't that the truth.

5

This is not really relevant to me anymore, but I was a single mother of 3 children, and their father moved to another state just to avoid child support--and I never did receive a dime. It was a real and constant struggle in every way, and the financial struggle made it so much worse...there was so much they missed out on because I couldn't afford it...So, yes, to me a partner's annual income is very important.

Also, being so poor affects every aspect of life. Not being able to afford entertainment, such as group sports, or even classes, is very restricting and depressing. If I were to enter into a relationship, I would want to be sure that we could afford basic niceties and then some. Otherwise, I think the strain would be too much for the relationship.

marga Level 7 Feb 23, 2018

makes sense. thanks!

I could have written your post @marga. One of my biggest regrest/sadnesses is that I didn't have the means for the sports, extracurriculars, sleep-away camps, art classes, etc. for my daughter.

@BlueWave Yes, it hurts to see them do without what all their friends have, and made them outsiders in some ways, because they couldn't afford to join their friends on all this stuff. It also placed them at a disadvantage as far as skills, talents, etc., because I didn't have the money to help them develop what abilities they had.

flip side, I have been a single dad since 1993, yes my kids missed out on many things but we ddi what we could. My son's personal motto is "poverty builds character"

5

Not voting here because the choices are too black and white where the reality is much grayer. I had thought I fell into the "never consider" camp, and about a year and a half ago I entered into a relationship with someone who had virtually zero income. I have a decent job, but am dealing with a lot, financially and simply can't afford it. Yes, if I were independently wealthy I'd be happy to be the sole breadwinner in an otherwise equitable relationship, but I'm not, so my SO needs to hold up their end of things in all areas of the relationship, including financially.

So you are saying you do take a persons income into consideration?
That is what i am getting when i read your response.

@twshield I have not in the past, but after my recent experience, will do so in the future. Unless I win the lottery, but ya gotta play to win. LOL! I don't.

@IAMGROOT lol right.....can't win if you don't play!

@twshield Too often you still lose if you play and it has been shown those that do 'win' often lose by going bankrupt.

@JackPedigo true. that is because some people cannot handle wealth

@twshield The financial immaturity that got them to buy the tickets doesn't change after they've won. Also, they find out they have lots more relatives then they thought.

@JackPedigo well that plus, those lottery tickets and scratch off stuff entice poor people to buy them with the dream of becoming rich. often times if you give someone poor millions of dollars, they cannot maintain wealth

5

It's absolutely important to me. I am not in a position to carry the weight of another, since I make only a regular middle income myself.

I want to travel (for leisure and my family is all over the country) and experience activities and sites and life -- that takes money.

I don't want to be working past typical retirement age.

I like food -- home food, restaurant food, cheap food and no-so-cheap food.

I was in poverty most of my childhood, a single mom for most of my daughter's life, and I got a late start taking seriously my 401-k and saving. I've paid my dues and my days of paycheck-to-paycheck (or anything like it) are over.

If I alone made enough money for me and my partner to live the way I want to live, the second salary would not be as much of a concern to me.

I like your answer, well-thought and pragmatic.

i have to agree with you there!

4

I never used to care, but after being coerced into supporting my ex for 5 years, anyone I date must have a J-O-B. They don't have to be rich, just able to support themselves in the event of a breakup. I'll never make that mistake again.

sorry you went through that. Though i am gay, my parents raised me to be independent and self sufficient. if i was straight, i would be the same way. I Have a brother who lives off women and has a lite work history.......then he wonders why he is often homeless lol

I have a couple of ex's that contributed a lot less to the household than I did and even left me in debt after it was over. Never again

4

I'm less concerned about what a person makes than I am about whether they have a reason to get up and go do something besides lay around the house all day.

That being said, since my earnings are barely middle class, and I help support my grandchildren, anyone I entered into a relationship with would have to at least not be a drain on my finances.

yeah thats kind of what i mean. don't be a burden

yeah, as long as the person does not impact negatively.

4

I do consider it. I'm rather old fashioned and though I can support myself, bringing a man into my life that would tax my finances is simply not going to happen. He needs to make at least what I do and be stable financially.

i agree. I am totally able to provide myself a great living but i need equal or greater partnership

4

As long as they earn enough to manage their lifestyle, I don’t care.

Marz Level 7 Feb 23, 2018
4

She's gotta own a house on Martha's Vineyard.

godef Level 7 Feb 23, 2018

lol

3

The amount isn't important, being responsible for yourself is.

3

I don't care about income. I want someone to have a job with regular hours. My last relationship ended because I couldn't and wouldn't take time off work at the last minute and he worked when he wanted.

understandable. Thanks!

3

I have no idea what my partner's income is and we've been together for 6 years.

well thats a good sign! you would know if he was broke lol

wow.

3

I don’t and I don’t or haven’t thought it to be right. However as stated on my profile I dislike train wrecks, sometimes people have put themselves into situations that can force you to decide how willing you are to get yourself tangled up in another’s "Karma" so to speak.

3

Wow, I am really surprised at the results. I just don't think it's important, of course I suppose the circumstances could make a difference, but the person's character, personality, beliefs or non-beliefs, and our chemistry is what matters to me. Maybe it doesn't matter to me because I live a very basic life. idk?

you are more open minded and thats awesome but what i can see for the results, more people have gotten burned in the past

@twshield, if they've been burned, hopefully they have learned from it. I still maintain it doesn't have anything to do with their income but more to do with their character.

@BeeHappy well true, i guess it would be equally bad to be with a millionare that is an ass hole

2

I had a girlfriend once that was obsessive over making comments that she wanted to make sure that I wasn't with her because of her money. This went on for about 10 months until we finally got serious enough that I let her see my bank account. Then I turned to her and said, "This whole time I've been wondering if you've been trying to get with me because of my money. Did you ever think about that?" Money is just another transient thing. Besides sex, it is one of the easiest things to obtain in life. It means just as much as the meaning that you put into it.

2

I guess since I work in the restaurant industry for a <laughing> 'living, then I'm always going to be at the bottom of the financial food-chain... as a result, I'm not exactly in a position to take my partner's income into account. I suppose I'd be the one who gets taken into account when it comes to that.

well sir. not necessarily. Lets say you meet a woman that has no desire to work but likes nice things. this person could be a disaster to your finances

@twshield LMFAO! That's an excellent point, but, sweety, if you can't buy most of the nice things you want for yourself, then we aren't going to work out. I'm totally up front in my lack of disposable income when I start talking to a woman. When you decide you want to talk to me, me is pretty much all you get, and if that isn't enough for you, no hard feelings, I know I'm not much as far as resale value is concerned.

@DobbinPitch lol point taken!

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