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Does anyone have an opinion of the swinger lifestyle?

We are swingers and really enjoy the lifestyle but live in Oklahoma where it is difficult to find long term friends. Most get scared and disappear

RickWard 5 Feb 24
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25 comments

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10

I get dizzy when I swing too much so I just let the kids get on the swing set. Oh! you mean the adult swapping lifestyle. I have never done it. I have a hard time dealing with one relationship at a time when I am in one, the last thing that I want to do is to complicate it by adding more people into it.

9

I like the idea that sex can be untethered from possessiveness. I looked into the scene in my area, once--briefly. (It's small, and--ahem--let's just say, mature.)

I find swinging and polyamory intellectually interesting, and had I lived in a (vastly) more populous area with well-populated scenes, I might have given it a go, just for experiment's sake--I'm like that. But not here. Too small, conservative, and gossipy here.

For all my "trysexual" bent, I'm not sure any of that stuff would be for me.

@RickWard Are you sure it's swinging and not polyamory?

@RickWard I found the community to be super chill, affirming, warm, welcoming, and laid-back. Very invested in creating a comfortable, inviting atmosphere; superlatively accepting. It was a social environment unlike any other I've encountered. Unfortunately, there just weren't enough people in it for any kind of fly-on-the-wall anonymity (which is my happy place whenever I'm out of my element)...nor anyone either myself or my partner at the time would have found remotely attractive. sad trombone It was a really cool learning opportunity, though; I'm glad I did it.

7

What consenting adults do, that does not harm any innocents, is none of my damned business. That said, I would never do it.

7

Do what you do.

7

As long as all are consenting, I think it is perfectly fine. So what that it is not the norm. Who cares. There are lots of people engaging in this throughout the country. Check out SDC (Swingers Dating Club).

7

It is pretty edgy. All the people I've known in the scene have had disastrous breakups, so my opinion is that because it goes against most people's sensibilities, they'd rather steer clear. My $0.02.

@Donotbelieve - I'm a terrible accountant, so thanks for keeping track. You do monthly financials? 😉

6

It's never been for me, but I'm all for anything goes between consenting adults.

marga Level 7 Feb 24, 2018

@RickWard honestly...as I read your responces, it seemed at every 'fork-in-the' road...you were looking for validation! I think it would be good for you to study your own ideas and see where you stand?

5

I'm not a swinger, but I am usually in open relationships. From my understanding the difference between us is I don't care for casual sex.

4

How much do you enjoy getting HIV/AIDS? Me, not so much.......

They have tests for that. Responsible folks get those tests and don't engage in sexual activity if they have a positive result. I don't sleep with anyone who hasn't been tested since their last sexual encounter.

@RickWard accidents happen...!

@RickWard yeah? Ex-hubby left me for one...had her own Porn websites too so i''m guessing you guessed wrong. His remark when I asked him wasn't he worried about diseases, " they get tested every 30 days" revealed that I had been married to a MORON for 33 years

@RickWard that leaves 13 days to catch something...you do know you are having sex with EVERYONE your partner has ever slept with, right?

4

If you at all into the kink/swinger lifestyle, it's worthwhile to join Fetlife. Awesome website for connecting people of similar interest you wouldn't otherwise find.

@slayer1am...I guess there is a group to join for 'whatever' rabbit hole a person wishes to go down? That must be the same reason people join 'gangs?'

4

I see no problem with it. I have friends that are swingers. I've been in swinger relationships before, usually opting to swing with them. It's fun, exciting and when the bounds are properly established and adhered to, safe.

3

It's kind of funny seeing all these judgments being passed down from holier than thou atheists. The "I would never do that" crowd that thinks having 3 husbands or wives is not swinging. You easily spread your legs and give blow jobs to strangers or happily swap spit, lick vaginas and butt holes because you can tell by "knowing" them a week, after 3 dates or a month that just by looking at him or her they don't have an STD. He or she looks clean, takes showers, brushes their teeth so they can't have an STD. Right?
This website is inhabited 100% by people proudly proclaiming to have thrown off the stupid nonsensical teachings of Father Church but you cling on with both hands about the shame guilt and dogmatic naughtyness of "dirty"sex they taught you about.
Good job.

Top response my friend

3

Seems like you would have to be very secure in yourself and your relationship or not give a damn at all either way, whatever works for you. I couldn't do it. Ive been invited a couple times but nope. I can't imagine sharing my girl. I don't think i could even have sex with a stranger. Thats just me though.

2

I couldn't do it, but if that's what makes y'all happy, go for it!

I'm ethically non-monogamous too, but on the polyamorous side of the street.

2

Sure..if you love it go for it..

2

Well, I am afraid I would de-friend you as well. I cannot see how the human condition is lifted up or improved in the least...with this life style. Your friends must, most llikely be people who have your same interest. If that suits all of you, then so be it. Sexual pleasure is wrapped up in so many other emotions that need to develop with time...this life style will not build your character and thus it must be stunted! Not to mention, it is not accepted as a norm in our society...so you will be going against the grain in your everyday life! Now, I am not a conformist, but I do know something about my human sexual nature and development of other aspects of my nature and swinging from 'sexual partners with my sexual partner'...would do nothing toward my overall mental, emotional and physical health! It will be an errosion from the inside...out! Same as if your daily diet was only ice cream!

Have you only had one sex partner in your life?

@Anonbene no...I was married 3 times. But. I also never had sex with every man that I was attracted to, either. And, all this time I am studying people around me with sex addictions...and it isn't a pretty sight over time!

@Freedompath
Were they the only men you had sex with?

I'm curious as to why you'd conflate swinging with sex addiction?

@Anonbene no...

@AtlGeekWoman...to begin with...it is not a 'norm' in this society (so negatively, effects self respect). Second, we must eat to survive...and yet we have food additions. This effects physical and emotional wellbeing. Sex, is a powerful force...like food...it too...can become an addiction. If a person has a mate that they have sex with, why would they need more sex...than what that mate can provide? Plus the mate is parceled out, as well. Then it stands to reason...that it is the pursuit of the sex itself ...camouflaged by a set of agreeable rules (but is it). Living is not all sex. We do not even need sex to survive. Sex is only a part of a bigger picture...there is still...providing for self and a mate and maybe children and then society. Otherwise, you may be stranded from the 'whole'...from self/mate or possibly society. That is what addiction does, it becomes 'the leader'...we are compelled to follow our leader and not our authentic nature...which for the majority of people must be developed over time. Living from any lie, cannot bring us to our higher nature.

@Freedompath your logic doesn't hold. There's no evidence that doing anything outside a "norm" in our society has a negative effect on self-respect. If you have proof of that claim, please provide it.

Next, there are therapists who don't even agree that sex addiction exists. The mere desire to have sex with multiple people does not make that desire (or its fulfillment) an addiction.Whether or not you have a taste for variety, some people do. That doesn't make them wrong - just different from you.

@AtlGeekWoman ...if you are a parent, would you show up at a PTA meeting, easily sharing your 'swinging' life style? Feeling proud about your lifestyle? If not, then it is out of the norm of our society, then that forces us to hide a part of ourselves. Ofcourse, we must all live up to our own moral and ethical standards. That is something that has been tested out in good mental health no matter what therapeutic discipline you consult. I have no more proof that 'swinging' as a lifestyle is coercive to our mental health than you have otherwise. But, the proof is in the overall development of a human being over time. My assessment of addiction may clearly be in opposition to your assessment. But, I do have years of people around me with sex addictions and many others and how any addiction plays out in a person's life over time. I am not here to prove anything, I can only speak from much experience.

@Freedompath you haven't been paying attention. I'm not a swinger, although I am ethically non-monogamous. And I led a Girl Scout troop, helped found a homeschooling group, and was a foster parent while being "out" as polyamorous. My partners attended events with me (including services and other events at our UU congregation), and we didn't hide the fact that we were involved with each other. I haven't ever been ashamed of being polyamorous because there's nothing to be ashamed of. And I've lived up to my own moral and ethical standards since I was a child, actively polyamorous since I was a teen.

@AtlGeekWoman I never assumed you were a swinger, I am trying to explain what I have observed over many years. There is an emotional (and sometimes physical) price to pay when our sexuality is treated so casually. You are the only one who lives inside your person. It is you, that you must measure up to...not me! No matter where you go and what you participate in.

I'm happy to read that someone disagrees with my lifestyle when however I experience the rancid taste of judgement in a submission it irritates me.

@Flettie I am sorry that you took it that way! I have limited time in my life especially in old age and I would have nothing of common interest, so I would chose to move on! I am certain there would be plenty for you to disagree with me on but,..'rancid taste of judgement' is not what I feel or think! I make judgments everyday on whether I agree or disagree on many matters! But, I do not judge your humanity one way or the other...it is always valued.

2

not for me, but you people do what you want.

2

Most everyone I knew that was in the lifestyle ended up divorced, separated, or just don't talk to each other any more.

@RickWard ...then your life is arranged around sensual pleasures, complete with rules?

1

I don't judge. And I have no personal moral objections. Hell - I'm sure it can be titillating. I say if it works for you - ok. But I have always questioned how swingers nowadays, can remain disease free indefinitely. ...

If long time partners can sometimes be surprised to find they've been exposed to some "souvenir" by their roaming lover - how can you possibly know the sexual history of all those you are with, when many times they're not even sure, and it may take months to find out ?

swingers remain disease free in exactly the same way as standard serial monogamists by taking precautions.

@Flettie of course - which means some slip-ups are inevitable

@evergreen well of course but after 39 sexually active and disease free years I think Ive done OK. I don't let fear restrict me

@Flettie happy for you ...

1

One thing is for sure: it takes a lot of intelligence to navigate the traps inherent in a swinger lifestyle to make it successful...but so does existing in a multi--level bureaucracy or any other competitive venture. I suppose the odds are slightly against the swingers because its all about 'the sex'. I never had the opportunity to try the organized swinger lifestyle because no one I was involved with would play. But I did swap my girl with my best friend and her best friend with me in a casual setting in '74 and it turned out ok, though it never happened again. It takes a special kind of balls & ovaries to even bring up the subject for the first time!

If you think being a swinger is all about the sex you'd be wrong. I have some very old friends whom we met on the scene and have never had sex with them. I love the way that standard 'Vanilla' people trot out all the old tropes about the swinger lifestyle in the same way the religious do about atheists

0

A lot of people have the wrong idea about swinging in the first place. There are several levels ranging from flirting to separate rooms.

At the end of the day if you and your partner communicate and discuss everything before hand it can be a lot of fun. Especially when the male and female half are both into women.

Judge it all you want but it’s better than lying to youreselves about just wanting to be with (sexually) one person for the rest of your life.

0

scared of what?

0

I can't say that I have an opinion about other people who engage in the swinger lifestyle, because I am polyamorous so I definitely can't judge. Sometimes that meant I have had sex with others while in a committed relationship with a primary partner.

But for me it wasn't about sex.

In fact, some of my best relationships have had a lot of emotional intimacy but the physical expression was limited to cuddles, backrubs, etc.

I do tend to date poly men these days, simply because while I love meeting new people, and becoming close, if they are already in a relationship, it doesn't have to be about sex because they have that need met already. But they also don't get into trouble for seeing me either.

0

My ex-husband was into it. I was not. However, he threatened to commit suicide if I didn't go along with it. I told him I'd do it one time, and that was it. The first time was fine. I enjoyed myself. But notice that I said 'first'. My ex insisted that it happen again and again. My ex wanted MFM threesomes. The second time, things went bad, I the man raped me. That didn't end things.I said no every time, but my ex refused to accept my no, and kept inviting men over to our home. The best of the bad situations was when he invited a couple over. My ex had sex with her, but when I asked the man to put on a condom, he'd go soft. I refused to do anything without a condom, so he slept with his girlfriend instead of me. That was fine by me. I went upstairs to bed and left them to it.

All of this was happening with a toddler in the house. I left my ex because I was afraid that something would happen to my son, that one of the men he'd been inviting over would take an interest in my baby and do something to him.

Ori89 Level 4 Feb 25, 2018
0

Sloppy seconds is not on my priority list!

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