But looking at gender fluidity and agency we have to be open to being open about love. The same way we should be open about what makes a woman. These opportunities are for the taking and as far as sex. . . I think in terms of sensuality and eroticism. . The veils are lifted and being in strong "care","affection", or lust Works for me

Since "falling in love" is a male trait, useful for keeping males besotted enough to stick with a critical, independent-thinking female long enough to raise his progeny, you may just be too high in female traits to do this.
Most high IQ creative types are androgyne, with mixed gender traits, often only having serial relationships due to their independent natures that won't obey women.

Studies showed that the only long-term successful hetero relationships were those where the male yields to the female, so androgyne males may be too "female" to do this.

Married once, 3 subsequent relationships I loved 3 maybe all of them, but only fell in love once, at age 40.

I got nuthin.

Take a ticket and get in line - you're not alone but I don't think anyone here has the answer. Your query did bring to mind the Anthony Newley song 'what Kind of Fool Am I'. I think some are meant to find that kind of love and others maybe not.

Wow, I’m 60 , married twice for approximately 27 years as well. And I have said exactly that on my profile, that I wasn’t sure if I’ve ever known love.

I don't know how you know. Are there words that can really convey emotion that deep and that sustaining? My story is similar to yours; and I often wonder "was it the real thing"? It's almost scary, as though you are faced with the notion that perhaps you're incapable of deep, genuine, abiding love. Can't tell you what the answer is, brother, but you're not alone, your voice in the wilderness is heard and empathized with.

Been in Love - yes.

Staying in love - both parties? Requires work from both people.

I say this as having witnessed that my parents really loved each other their entire lives. (Which just might have ruined me).