Genuine question, because I honestly don't have the answer: Can heteronormative men and women be friends? I used to think so, but experience has caused me to have serious doubts. Am I just naive? Overly optimistic?
Edited for clarity: can men and women be just friends, nothing more?
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its natural for men to want to fuck woman
LeighShelton
Level 8
Mar 2, 2018
2
It's natural for women to want to fuck men, too. We're just less obvious about it.
I guess I'm wondering if there can be exceptions. I'm starting to think not, at least in my personal experience.
I think maybe there is but not often.
OK but why does wanting to have sex with someone rule out friendship? It happens or doesn't for whatever reason but I simply don't get why it's a friendship killer. Unless that's the only reason you like the person in the 1st place.
I think you can have a friendship with heteronormal men and woman as I have a friend but her husband doesn't like it and there is nothing going on. I would want to be friends with my partner for sure too.
@Nottheonlyone Please be more obvious. Really please!
@Nottheonlyone Is it possible that there are different kinds of sex? Is it possible that the drunken sex on Saturday night with someone you never met before is an entirely different kind of bonding experience than the sex of, say, two friends on a cold night, and different yet again for an old married couple?
Perhaps I've been misunderstood. Over the past few years, I've come to discover that nearly all of the men in my life (whom I honestly considered my friends) were, at least in some capacity, sexually attracted to me, which has caused me to doubt my own value as a friend. I don't feel I should have to depend on my feminine wiles to attract friends of the opposite sex. And I certainly don't think it should be my job to be stuck in the role of unwitting gate keeper.
There's less than a handful of them who are mature enough to both admit to their feelings and keep themselves in check. And sometimes I still doubt their intentions.
it does work both ways but its still possible. you haven't been misunderstood by me.
@Dick_Martin I'm certain there are different kinds of sex, but I don't see how that's relevant to the topic at hand.
what I mean is there are woman who pretend to be friends but actually want more, not the sex part. I think your right mostly @Nottheonlyone really
It is easier when the woman is not so attractive and the man is not rich, but sure.
hlfsousa
Level 6
Mar 2, 2018
2
Lol. Being the homely chick ftw!
Sorry, I am a bit confused. I am a heterosexual and would like to think a damn good one. But I am not heteronormative. I have many female friends, almost no male friends. These female friends are really just friends and there will never be anything more.
Rugglesby
Level 8
Mar 2, 2018
2
I'd say the same thing (except the heterosexual part, which I am not).
@Prussianfire yeah its the heteronormative bit I have a problem with, seems almost homophobic which I certainly am not
I'm with you. I've always been "over" the whole gender thing. I used to approach relating to men with equanimity. Experience taught me that I'm vanishingly unlikely to meet anyone else whose authentic gender equanimity is even close to mine.
It's frustrating as hell, but what are you (am I) gonna do about it? Get mad that other people aren't like you (me)? Or just accept that people are shittily stupid and subscribe to ridiculous, needlessly limiting paradigms? And that a probable majority of people cannot or will not refuse to be ruled by their hormones and/or subconscious drives?
It is what it is. I've been served too much awful, painful garbage by life to be bothered overmuch by this one. It's disappointing is all. Maybe somewhere there's a heteroman who can treat me like a person instead of a potential vagina delivery-system--but I've run the numbers, and the odds are long. In any case, I've run out of fucks to give about it. sigh
stinkeye_a
Level 8
Mar 2, 2018
1
It's part of that whole "nice guy" issue some men have. They generally grow out of it once their brain starts working faster than their hormones again.
JohnnyMiller
Level 6
Mar 2, 2018
1
In my experience yes, but one will almost always feel pain. In my case, as many others, I have feelings she doesn't share. And I'm trying to be the best friend I can and trying to push the unrequited feelings below the friendship ones. It works sometimes, other times I need my distance. It's..a strain on both of us, but we care and enjoy eachothers company and try to make it work. It'll fail eventually.
Ersomething
Level 6
Mar 2, 2018
0
True, though I think in my case its about 60 %. But then I form attachments too easily. But you're right, it's not everyone.
One of my best friends (been friends for 5 years) is a girl. We were never more than just friends, despite being very similar personality wise. It's possible but people do seem to stick with their own sex. Male friends w/male friends and vice versa.
AustinSkepticus
Level 7
Mar 2, 2018
2
And you have no other feelings for her?
@Nottheonlyone correct
lolI looked u the word heteronormative as it is a new word for me. It's not clear to me what you mean by using that word. My first thought was that you were thinking heterosexual but now I am not sure...
Then the next question in my head "I wonder if she means fiends with no sexual tensions..
In the end my head hurt. I am going to have to ask my friend Linda what she thinks on this...
Dick_Martin
Level 7
Mar 2, 2018
8
I'd certainly say yes. Some of my dearest friends are men.
OpposingOpposum
Level 9
Mar 2, 2018
2
Sure they can be friends. Friends with benefits! <wink>
Oh, wait, are you being serious?
MrLink
Level 8
Mar 1, 2018
0
Yeah.
Sigh.
@orange_girl OK, good point. What some non silly sexual jokes? And yes, I'm trying to be silly.
@orange_girl INTERESTING! (needs italics). Humor is always my "go to" especially when meeting someone for the first time. But, I do consider myself a good listener and I think (italics again) I'd understand the mood pretty quickly.
Men often don't want to do serious. I know I don't. Humor is my reflex defense.
@phil21 Putting words between asterisks will make them show up in italics. Put them between double asterisks for bold.
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