I made it about 18 years before my ex and I divorced. Even though it was wanted on both sides, it still hurt. But that is normal.

Don't run from the pain. Feel it. Let it go.

You have about 39 trillion microbes living in your body. You are never alone.

Go out and make friends with Nature - it's medicinal.

Learn a new hobby. Travel.

Go on dates by yourself. No, seriously.

Find out who you are outside the context of a relationship.

You are asking some very hard questions. I love my ex to death but have not seen her in over a year. We text sometimes briefly because we decided to remain friends. Her appetite for nice things can cause money problems. She is half my age and I sent her back to Kenya 3 times during our 12 years together. The last time was just over a year ago with some of the settlement money she got when I did the divorce. She is a nice person but we all have to understand that we do not think alike. We go in different directions. I have to ask myself what I would do if we were still together and she maxed out her cards again, (she's working on it) and what would I do if some of her family in Kenya died? I bit off more than I could chew. I simply cannot afford her and I miss the long term relationship, but our parting is for the best. I miss her, yes, but I have better peace of mind today. If we got back together it would be this same old thing again and that is what I wanted to avoid in the first place. Not that we were a mistake. It's just that we did not work out as a team.
I hope that some of my personal feelings here help you and that maybe you see more on your own.

I think you might benefit from seeking out a mental health professional, to help you deal with your feelings. We all have to develop coping mechanisms to help us get through hard times. Sounds like you're grieving and grief is a process. A therapist can help with that as well. Good luck to you.

I'm in the same boat

10+ years ended in dec 2 kids.I was angry for almost month, then I decided to let go of all the resentment and bought her something things that made her more friendly... I do/don't regret it.

we have kids so I do see her talk to her most days which is good/bad. I try talking about us possibly getting back together which doesn't go well.

The physical pain is subsiding. Even though from time to time I'm just rocked from out of no where that it's over and I can't go home. I do have someone I'm talking to who is into me who is not readily available, which seems to work for both of us.

I know it's hard to do but keep your eyes open for someone you find intersting

Is it codependancy, or it missing your long term relationship? That seems normal to me. It takes time to get over someone.

I strongly suggest you find a way to recover from co-dependency before getting into another relationship. My best suggestion, as has been from others, is therapy. There are probably some youtube videos that will help, too.

I can't recommend a book. The most recommended book is Co-Dependent No More which, while it has very sound advice mixed in there, is so Christianity laden that it's really difficult for anyone but a Christian to pay attention well enough to find many of the good parts.

Seems to me there are two paths, many take the first, like purchasing a new pet immediately after the death of an old one. I’ve watched that happen, and am not impressed with the results...

The other is to rejig your life.. Takes a lot longer, and, you may end up preferring it… I’d been married 30 years, though never felt dependant, was definitely stifled by all it took to conform to ‘the norms.’ No more. Either we’ll be kindred spirits deeply attracted to each other and free to act on it, or I’ll continue to allow ‘my vacuum’ to be filled by the other amazing stuff life has to offer … with no expectations or strings attached

I'd like to suggest counseling. I've been there, and I believe everyone is capable of being happy and whole on their own. Sometimes it's a self esteem issue, sometimes it's a need to learn new skills and coping mechanisms. Either way, seeking professional support can help you with this.

Time. No, it doesn't heal everything, but makes things more bearable. My girlfriends, my husband's granddaughter, my part-time teaching job and a therapist helped get me through the first year after my husband died. I know it's not the same as someone leaving you and still existing 'out there', but both involve incredible pain that does diinish with time.

Yes and even though its a sop - time really does heal; every day the pain is a little less extreme; until one day you wake up and miss her and feel quite a lot better - a good thing to do is immerse yourself in the next learning opportunity that comes your way, try a new skill and keep as busy as you can.

move on my friend or you will stay rooted and just as hurt

move on my friend or you will stay rooted and just as hurt

You are a co-dependant personality, its not a get over it thing. Its hardwired into you just like straight or gay or anything else. You simply function better in a relationship, all you can do is focus on building on yourself and making things tolerable as possible while looking forward to the future and whoever you will eventually find. Looking towards the future relationship will help a lot I've found. Just dismiss the failures as not the right one and with them out of the way you can keep looking for the right one.

Yeah, my ex and I split just over 6 years ago, after 21 years. She had a mental illness, I was her stay at home carer. No good dweling on things, so I got on with my life. Still single, I'm happy that way, have some friends that I party and rock with. If someone comes into my life one day cool, if not I ain't gonna spend the rest of my days crying about it, life is short.

Oh non-existant God yes! It feels like I have been disemboweled. Have you tried CoDA?

this has been going on now fopr well over 1 year should I be over it by now and have moved on ?