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Do you feel as lonely as I do?

Sometimes I wish I would not have a curious and skeptical mind as I do, because it makes me feel quite isolated. My friends all gather once a week and feel connected to a greater purpose, have communities they can rely on, and have fun watching and sharing ghost stories. I have a family who feel cheer when life gets hard by praying, reminding me that God makes my life great and those without god are immoral heathens (They don't know I don't believe). At least my siblings are atheists too. Dating profiles online in my area all say " Religious, and it's important to me." I feel like I'm gonna die alone.

Adrielbass 4 Mar 4

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47 comments

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22

Check to see if there is a Humanist Association in your area. I found my local group through Meetup.com. And sweetie, I don't want to sound condescending, I have kids older than you. You've got so much time ahead of you to find someone. It's too early to panic. Work on being the best you that you can be, and you'll find someone. And if you don't you'll be a great guy who is single. There are worse things to be, trust me.

You are so sweet

@HippieChick58 you're pretty awesome,you know that?

@Blindbird , @Adrielbass , thank you, thank you. I've been around too many blocks too often, I'm happy to help others on the journey.

15

Well that title sounded really sad and somber so I almost didn’t read your post. Then I realized it describes my life! I’m an introverted agnostic liberal anxiety ridden single mom in a conservative religious town. It sucks most of the time socially. But really it’s my anxiety that keeps me away from people. I enjoy solitude but if I really wanted to I could make myself hang out with more people. Doesn’t help with dating though. There’s the rub. Most liberal and non-religious single men around here are younger than me. It’s awesome the younger generation is waking up, but that’s not helping me out with dating! I feel your pain. 🙂

It doesn't get better with age. From your picture, you look like you could be my granddaughter. But you wrote a comment that describes me perfectly. Good to know I'm not alone.

@msmarple I agree it is prevalent. I'm also an introvert and not like the others as that famous rhyme goes. I enjoy time spent in solitary pursuits and have had friends threaten to hold a computer intervention because I'm not that into shopping, lunching or group outings. At a party, I'm the one in a kitchen holding a conversation with a small group rather than mingling. As to dating, I've been married twice, had a couple of long-term relationships and was scared when a friend pointed out to me that they all could have been brothers! Now I just enjoy looking. Adrielbass, work on yourself, being what you want to be and reach out to your community for similar groups and the rest will come. It may not be what you think you're looking for but then what is?

11

We rational-minded people do seem to be pariahs. What a disgrace! We need a new Englightenment which will include communities for us to belong. For now, it seems that we have to make do with the online community, but it's not the same as face to face.

10

Adrielbass, my experience is that the 20s are tough, and each decade following becomes a little easier. Now at 53, I am content, alone often and rarely lonely. Your curiosity and skepticism are not the problem. The world is a crazy place. It's very hard for sensitive people to find footing. I found my connectivity by hiking. Walking into the woods daily became my release: crying to the wind on my wretched days and eventually really finding spirituality in being out in Mother Nature. I began to realize how connected I really am, how deeply rooted we can all be when we dismiss the trappings of whatever narrow culture we're living in and reach for thoughts and feelings that are universal. Don't be afraid of who you are. Instead I hope you embrace yourself as you are and remind yourself every day of all the things you are about that you are proud of, keep your chin up and maybe try new things so you can caste a wider net. I agree with the others, you are still youthful.

This made me cry a bit, a good cry. Thank you. I needed to read this.

Crazycurlz that was awesome and exactly how I feel. I do think age has something to do with it. From my own experience and watching my 4 kids grow up...the 20's are rough!

8

I have felt that "separateness?" for several decades now

7

Everyone here is amazing. Thank you all for your sweet words. Online is different than face to face, but I feel I've found my people, despite the difference in distance. Happy I found this place a few days ago.

I just found this site too. Glad you are here! I live in Oregon, which is way less religious than many areas I think. I grew up without religion, but sometimes I wonder about the community aspect. Looks like you are a teacher so you have your own greater purpose!

7

Saaaame it sucks. I like to think if I could just escape this god forsaken state (hah get it?) I'd be much better off.

Some places are more liberal and open minded than others. If that is the problem maybe you can work on finding a way out.

I have lived in Kansas. RUN GIRL RUN!

You do have a challenge before you, but remember that timing thing...everything comes in it's own time. So figure out a way to have fun as your life unfolds.

@Sticks48 send help

@LadyAlyxandrea lol

6

I feel the same most of the time. Unable to express yourself in a red area basically.

Kudos to you, Austin, for reaching out and finding community here/online.

6

Yes. But being faithless is like being sober.

5

You are not going to die alone, unless you want it that way!! I looked at your profile and you are young and handsome...there is a good start! I cannot stress enough how important having friends are in this life, is. Not just because you are lonely, but because you will never know your whole self, without your reflection back to you from your friends. Now that can be both fun and hard. So find some friends that you have something in common with, too! Join a group that does something that you really enjoy, and that you feel is worth while! And, believe that you will be connected to a gal, that will be just right for you and for her as well! Best of luck!!!

I joined the Serra club, we went hiking, cleaned the trails in spring and it was great fun.

Thanks so much 🙂

4

i have had times i envied that ability to believe

There are times I feel like that too. Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier not knowing some things that I do know --- a sort of "ignorance is bliss"way to look at it, I guess. But usually I feel like it's better to be aware.

4

I can feel some of the things you are feeling regarding the isolation experienced due to our skepticism and curiosity. It seems every one here in lower Alabama either go to church or have a belief in God. They might not show it in their daily lives, but when you ask them they are adamant that they believe in God.
I don't know what to tell you regarding the dating aspect and finding that someone to share life with. I guess you can do the same thing you do with regard to religion. Just keep searching.
Me personally, I don't think I would let it get me down and dwell on the thought that you are going to die alone.
Live life to the fullest and who knows, when you least suspect it someone might come along and pull your heart strings.
Hang in there!

4

Yeah, I'm sorry. There are no Humanists groups in your area. Doesn't mean there aren't other atheists/agnostics/humanists. Just aren't under the umbrella of the American Humanists Association.

3

Sometimes being yourself causes isolation being true to yourself is worth the sacrifice.

3

I totally hear you ! Not easy being a minority.

3

I am in a relationship with a fellow atheist.
As wonderful as our relationship is, with a curious mind, we may always feel a bit alone.

3

I always feel alone it's who I am I do have friends but I like being alone with my thoughts.

And we 'bloody well,' better like who we are with our thoughts...or...it really will be a lonely, 'hell!'

@Freedompath sometimes I'd rather be alone in hell than popular on earth

3

I wonder if you'd feel better if you weren't living a lie?
There is remarkable freedom in living your own truth.
There may be others who actually share your lack of belief, and
might make themselves known to you, if they were aware.

Coming out is terrifying, but I'm afraid I have to. Thanks

@Adrielbass Good luck to you! I really hope that your fear is unfounded, as most fears usually turn out to be. Be bold, be brave, trust yourself and your ability to live your own truth. You CAN do this. This community is here for you.

3

Move and make new friends ?

2

Don't go looking for something thats not you. Too many phony relationships out there and then it worse once they figure it out. I think you did something right by being upfront and honest. Keep it reel. I tried too hard and when I realized it just enjoyed myself and was able to do what I wanted to.

2

We all die alone. That aside, did you not sign on here because your were hoping to find a community of like-minded people? Well, you did. Now, read people's profiles, their posts and put yourself out there. Use he little letter icon on the top bar and send a note to someone with whom you agree or not. I found someone who has my birth date. How cool is that.

2

You have climbed to the top of the mountain. Few do.

2

This may sound harsh at first blush, but think about it for a while. If you have determined that rational, critical thinking is the more productive path for you to follow, then by applying that sort of thinking will automatically point out that there will be problems with relationships as a result. An extension of that thinking will quickly reveal that there is only one way that you can be happy with your decision.

Yep, that's right. You suck up the bad elements or mitigate them or better yet, eliminate them. Meanwhile, you build up the positive elements. I'll leave it to you to figure out what that means.

2

For me, life didn't truly begin until after 30, so hang in ther. The best is yet to come.

At 26 I had lived already so much of a good life that before the bad things started to happen I found refuge in the military. Only way to slow down and be alive today to tell my story.

2

My best friends tend to be people who believe in God. I met them through other avenues. I'm very up front about my beliefs if it comes up but I also respect others right to believe what they want to. I don't feel the need to talk about being atheist. It's personal to me and I don't really care about what someone else believes. I don't have a lot of friends but I have some really good ones. Being atheist doesn't make someone a good friend or good person any more than being Christian makes someone a bad person or friend. Just my opinion. It's like saying I'm the only straight person or gay person. One of my best friends is lesbian and believes in God. You can find commonalities without letting your differences confine you. Try being more accepting to others and they will be more accepting of you.

Good point. Thank you for your words. I don't view any of my family or friends who believe to be bad or inferior in any way. I guess I'm scared of losing the ones I love because I don't share a belief with them. My grandma screamed and cried at my mom for being an "Atheist" because my mom did not want a colorful Jesus statue and preferred a black one. I can't reason with my grandma, but I still love her, and it hurts that she probably would not love me if she finds out who I really am.

Lol sorry feel like I totally unloaded tons of emotion on you. Not my intention! Just sharing my thoughts 🙂

That's what we're here for. I've had a few aunts and cousins disown me. It's not all perfect but what works for me is to be me. The true friends won't care. And the ones who leave doesn't respect your right to believe differently than they do. If you need to pretend to believe something to make someone like you they don't like you. As long as you like you it will be okay

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