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What is a (nonsexual) trait/skill you have that contributes to a positive relationship with someone, and one that is a possible liability?

Example:

Pro-I love to cuddle and exchange foot rubs with a partner.

Con-I only eat health food

#relationship
birdingnut 8 Mar 7
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17 comments

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1

Level 7

Pro, very tolerant of people's quirks.
Con, deeply addicted to my work in live theatre.

1

Level 8

Pro - I am energetic and have many building , creative and domestic skills.
cons - easily upset as I don't understand my society -needy of comfort for living this way out
my partner and I both have mental health problems.

1

Level 4

Can't remember

1

Level 5

pro- i love having someone else to look out for and plan around their likes/dislikes

con- the way i understand what they think i don't think about or underrstand

2

Level 7

Well, I think this changes over time, just as everything else does. But at this moment:

Pro: I'm not demanding and have no interest in becoming a significant part of someone else's life.

Con: same as above

marga Level 7 Mar 8, 2018
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2

Level 7

Pro - a close person can confess to me just about anything without me judging them
Cons - Anxiety

2

Level 8

here again: our profiles become more & more similar, birdingnut 🙂

i'm a physical/sensual being & good at massage - i only eat vegetarian organic food if i can help it.

2

Level 9

One behavior that helps me is that I do not hold grudges and I do not hold on to problems. Rather, I atttempt to find and implement effective resolutions to problems that emerge. Negative -- I can be demanding.

2

Level 8

Pro Flexibility, easy going.

Con PTSD

1

Level 7

Pros: I have a good sense of humor and am reasonably well informed about what's going on in the world. I'm willing to help my partner with projects/tasks when needed.

Cons: I'm very insecure and have low self-esteem, so I need to be reassured too often. That makes me clingy.

1

Level 6

That is an interesting question that has much to do with culture. I find it upsetting that many think touching is only about sex, unless it's a professional, such as a doctor. The more relgious people are or have been the more this seems so. When 'touchee - feelie' people only do this with those they are sexually attracted to, it is often an unwanted sexual advance for self gratification, I think. Maybe some cultures are conditioned to respond only sexually to human touch which makes it a huge taboo, increasing that sexual tension even more. What contributes to a positive relationship, to me, means that we have empathy for the other, have no expectations of each other than to be honest, trustworthy and authentic. The rest will happen naturally. If that doesn't work, then there is no point in going further.

2

Level 7

Pro--I'm ambitious, so I don't need my hand held.
Con--Im ambitious, so I don't have time for people who need their hands held.

Pro--I'm a pacifist and prefer peace to arguments.
Con-- I'm a pacifist and animal consumption is a deal-breaker.

2

Level 6

Pro- I like doing things for my partner that she might not want/can't do.
Con- I'll ask my ex and send the list....

LOL! 😀
1

Level 7

Pro - I am open and honest with and about who I am.

Con - I'm happy with who I am and will not change for anyone but myself.

Sadly, that will exclude a relationship with most cis, hetero women, who expect their men to conform to their wishes, and are the ones to choose housing, vacation destinations, date night movies, etc. In fact, most will dump a man in early courtship who isn't eagerly doing her bidding.

A study showed that the one common denominator for a long-term hetero relationship was the willingness of the husband to obey the wife.

"In John Gottman’s long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, he found that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives’ influence.

Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct."

Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. (1999). “Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You,” in The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work (Chapter Six, 100-127).

@birdingnut Ah, you're seeing my statement as I am unwilling to compromise. to "share power". That is not what I said.

I have too much love and respect for myself to ever "conform" to anyone's wishes. That does not mean I'm a dictatorial person. Far from it, actually. I am in several long-term relationships with CIS Hetero women, and they are all based in unconditional love and respect. I would recoil at asking them to change to conform to what I think they should be. They are perfect just the way they are. If they decide to change something about themselves, I am right there with all the support I can muster.

You also cite marriage a couple of times. I have no interest in being married, nor do any of my partners. And if I did choose to marry, it would be to someone who loves me for who I am, not for who they think they can mold me into.

Sharing power? Power is the antithesis of unconditional love. I would no more want power over another than I would give mine to anyone else. Gottman and Silver perpetuate our culture of power and contribute to people giving away their personal power, and their controlling drek needs to be avoided if one is to ever be truly happy in their own skin.

All decisions effecting all my relationships are mutually agreed upon. No one I love would ever want me to change unless it is something I want to do for myself which will make me a better, more loving person.

I hope I cleared up your misunderstanding.
1

Level 8

I can pretend to be interested and conversant on any topic,
your friends will bore me to tears.

2

Level 8

Honesty, trust, good sense of humour with sarcasm, good at DIY and handy at lots of things in a house.

2

Level 7

I can keep your car running, and I can make a grow house🙂 I can cook too.

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